Mike Sorrentino Has a Legal Situation

Ugh!  This guy is such a little girl...

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has been in a legal battle with a stupid vodka company no one has ever heard about for about a month and though he threw the first punch, they aren't just going to back down like that poor, pathetic Paula chick!

The suit that the Bitchuation filed alleged that Devotion Vodka company owed him $5 million because he helped them build their brand by being a spokesperson for them.  Gotta say, I watch this stupid crap all the time and I have never heard him say ANYTHING about vodka...even when he was drinking vodka!

Anyways...

Devotion Vodka has filed a counter suit with unspecified damages claiming that he breached the contract.  They say he >

-Constantly showed up late to events 

-Concealed an alleged drug problem

-Was seen asking investors for weed (Lol - That one's pretty bad...)

-Refused to do interviews at events 

-Constantly demanded extra perks for his friends 

They also allege that at an event in NJ last year Princess Abs "locked himself in the bathroom and refused come out."  Apparently, when he came out he was "sniffing" and security guards said they found a "cocaine-like residue."  Sounds like a drug problem to me!  

Devotion says the contract was terminated in March 2012 when Sorrentino checked into rehab.

I'm Team Devotion!  Vodka is my jam!  JAAAAAM!  

(Damn!  Now I kind of wish I had some vodka...)

Image Via www.twitter.com

Snooki is Not Staying in the Shore House and The Sitch is Having a Hard Time Post-Rehab - VIDEO

But she will be on the show!

That's right, that little nugget of disgustingness is staying elsewhere when season 6 starts filming.  Snooks and her possibly already tan fetus will take up residence in a private home nearby.  The future porn star said that she doesn't want to be around a bunch of loudass drunks during pregnancy...

She admitted she was 3 months knocked up in February so by my math (shout out Mr. Duncan!) she's due around August - filming for the show takes place in the summer so expect her to be poppin' right outta her skanky tops.

The next season also marks the first sober season for most-hated, mega douche on the show, The Situation. Here's a brand new video of him talking about rehab BTW > (Only available in the U.S.) Sorry Canucks for some reason MTV doesn't post videos for us aside from episodes of shows.

Enjoy this season ya trashbags and save up your benjamins, yo!  Cuz' I think this shit is pretty much over!  Actually, what am I talking about?  My ass knows it's over. ;)

Image Via www.blog.wholesalecostumespot.com

$25K for The Situation? Check out this List of Celebrity Appearance Prices

Ugh!  How much would I have to pay to never see The Situation on another TV again???  

Check this horseshit out!  Turns out these celeb bitches make MAD Benjamins for just standing around!  Keep in mind that in addition to the list, the agent who quoted the numbers said that any celeb buyer should keep in mind that they'll most likely have to pay for what he called the Simple Four.  That includes the flight, ground transportation, hotel and food.  Oh and some won't fly commercial (whatever the fuck that means) so you'd have to shell out for a private jet...the greed is palpable...

BTW Most appearances are based on an approx. 2 hour appearance and/or gig.

In the music world you can score talented transvestite Lady Gaga for $2 million, Metallica for a cool $1.5 million, Pitbull for $300K and Ne-Yo for $200K.

You and your bonehead buddies can mentally jerk off to some random Playboy models who run about $1K - $1.5K or get Teresa Giudice to flip a table for $15K.  The Jersey Shore cast can buy all the booze and pickles they want with their appearance earnings - Deena Nicole nabs $8K for merping on everyone, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino gets paid $25K to show off his rehabbed abs and though I'm not totally sure about Snook's, I know she got about $32K for speaking at prestigious Rutgers University...cha-ching!  Hell, even The Unit makes $5K!  The most famous Armenian porn star in the world, Kim Kardashian, is the one on top in the reality category though > Ho makes $125K an appearance!!!  Someone get me my video camera and a youtube account!

Sports stars also command some serious money for making an appearance.  To see Tim Tebow tebowing in person it will cost you $50K - $65K, Michael Jordan is the highest at approx $2 million and former Celtic Larry Bird asks for $75K.

AND the Warlock Vatican Assassin himself, Charlie Sheen, will bomb you with his torpedo of truth for $250K (and possibly throw up in your shitter) but he's one of the ones who requires a private jet so he can bang his goddesses the whole way the initial cost is negligible.

There you have it.  Looks like stars make some sa-weet bank from just showin' up places.  Gah!

In my estimation, anyone who gets off on hiring a celeb just so they can parade them around in front of a bunch of local gawkers like an inbred show dog needs to find some better shit to spend their money on.

Image Via www.roccosrevolution.com

MTV may Phase out Snooki and the Situation for New Blood

Oh thank you baby Jebus!!!

I don't mind Snooki so much but I HATE the Situation!  Get his greasy, little girl ass outta there!

TMZ is reporting that MTV is looking to counteract it's "stars" public issues by phasing them out of the series next season...apparently, the Situation's pill poppin' and Snooki's upcoming bastard guidobaby are posing a problem for the show, making them look like enabling assholes who exploit their "talent".

Producers are looking for new talent to fold into the existing cast and will minimize any Snooki/Situation blow job fighting.  Yay!  I couldn't take one more minute of that BJ shit!

As we say up here in Canada - Give 'er!

Image Via www.film.com

The Situation Is In Rehabilitation

TMZ reports that The Situation AKA Mike Sorrentino has checked into an inpatient rehabilitation program for substance abuse.  His camp (which I think means his brother) isn't confirming, but his brother PR guy is saying that he "has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule."

(Okay, that was pretty articulate...so maybe it's not his brother...)

Apparently, the cast and crew of the show were getting increasingly concerned as the season went on.  During the camping trip, they noted he was "sweatier" and more "paranoid" than usual...for those of us watching it was pretty weird that he acted like a crazy little girl most of the season.  And remember when his dick was hanging out of his camo shorts for like 5 goddamn minutes on the roof talking to Snooki?  I'm willing to bet some shore store shirts that he was higher than a Lohan there!

Also, that toolbag buddy of his The Unit got busted last summer with some of Paris Hilton's coke on him at the infamous shore house.  I could totally picture those two snorting lines of coke off of each other's chiseled abs and then crotch-bumping each other in their A&F boxers...

Jokes aside - hope he gets the help he needs.

Image Via www.gadling.com

Season 6 of Jersey Shore is Happening

Now, I like JS as much as the next guy but shit's getting kind of old...Am I right?

Anyways, MTV has confirmed that the entire cast will be returning next season for another whorefest at the shore house.  Shooting will begin this summer so watch for a fucking huge baby bump on NYT best selling author (yes really) Snooki's slutty halter top.

And that's the other thing!  Why the hell are they letting a knocked up chick into the shore whore house???  That's no place for a baby!  I wouldn't even let those assholes take care of my cat for the weekend.

MTV promises the "trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same."

Which basically means we get to watch the Bitchuation act like a whiny little girl for about a dozen eps.

MERP!

Image Via www.wegotthiscovered.com

Snooki and Jwoww (And Everyone Else) Thinks The Situation Is Gay

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Here's how it shook down -

Snooki and Jwoww have been press junketing it up all over the damn place promoting their upcoming spin off in Jersey City and during an interview with The Huffington Post Gay Voices this happened:

Click to Enlarge

After that awesomeness happened, The Situation freaked out, called them up furious and issued an I'm not gay themed press release through his publicist.

I have to say, gay or not - he certainly acts like a chick.  All mopey...looking for attention all the time...comparing units with The Unit.  Come on, no straight dude rocks a vest like that and wears that much Axe Body spray...

I don't care how "metro" and shiny his guido ass is. 

Image Via  www.suntimes.com

Jersey Shore S5 Update - Vinny Leaves and We Meet "The Unit"

It's Jerzday, bitches!!!

In honor of the new season starting, let's take a look at some of the more interesting gossip that's surfaced about the new season airing tonight at 10pm EST.

First off, Snooki is no longer a meatball.  Oh yes, she's totally skinny now and doesn't look like she ate JWoww anymore.  She credits it to working out but the 'bloids have posted a few diet pill stories in the past that sound way more plausible than her hittin' the gym.  She looks good though - Other Snooki (Deena) is sadly still a pig though.  Avert your eyes...she's...horrible!

Some douchebag who calls himself The Unit will be introduced as a "character" (I doubt a main one though) this season.  (Editor's Note: LOL - "Unit" - so stupid.)  He's the Situation's brah so I'm thinking this is obvi a side dish to the Snooki-sucked-theSituation's-dick storyline which is such a dumbass storyline!  Who the fuck cares if she sucked him off???  That's what Snooki does!  Loses and gains weight randomly and sucks guys off.  Fuck!  Is the Situation new?

Movin' on...

Now this one is the interesting one IMO.  According to Snooki (when she was last on The Tonight Show) Vinny Guadagnino leaves at some point in season 5.  Snooks says, "...the hustle and bustle of fast-paced reality TV life catches up to him."

What does that mean???  I watch this shit ALL the time and no one seems to be movin' too fast.  I'm surprised they can walk half the time! 

Vinny (when he was on Kimmel) said, "It got real for me for a little bit and I had to take care of myself...But you'll see -- a good thing ends up coming out of it." 

Stay strong, Vinny!  You and JWoww seem to be the only two with more than half a brain.  Other than that...

Bring on the motherfucking UNIT!

(PS - I live tweet the show EST every week unless I'm hungover to shit.  Check me out at @bungledbotched.) 

Image Via www.tvguide.com

Is Jersey Shore Fake??? VIDEO

Now I could really give a crap if the show is real or fake but if you do you should check the following video out.  Some guy with way too much time on his hands dissected the shit out of one of the scenes from last season in Italy and exposes some supposed "goofs".

Here's a bullet point list from Starcasm.net in case you're a little slow or something. 
   
♦ Deena is looking right at a lady who’s face is not blurred out when the ice is thrown.
♦ The bottles on the bar are all cheap mixers that wouldn’t cost that much to be damaged.
♦ The bar is empty in what’s supposed to be a packed club.
♦ A lady leans in and appears to give Snooki bottle breaking directions.
♦ When the camera pans to who threw the ice you see a hand retract. Said arm belongs to a woman who’s face is not blurred like the other bar patrons (you do not need permission to show a face of a show’s employee). This woman is wearing an ear piece connected to a walkie talkie in hand.



Image Via www.studybreaks.com 

Jersey Shore Season 5 Sneak Peek - VIDEO

Seems like season 4 just ended doesn't it?

Well, MTV's cash cow Jersey Shore is back hittin' Karma on January 5 (and these assholes know a cash cow when they have one so they are gonna milk those Snooki udders until they're dry!)

MILK THAT BITCH!

Looks pretty rad.  Check out a sneak peek below:



Image Via www.trendrabbit.com

The Jersey Shore House is For Rent

Anyone wanna lend me $2500?  I'm good for it I swear!

No?  No one?  Bueller?

CHEAPSKATES!!!

Well, the $2500 you guys are all too cheap to lend me would've allowed me to rent the famed Jersey Shore beach house for one night of debauchery.  That's right folks, for that reasonable price you can party like a meatball...

Complete with DUCK PHONE!!!

QUAAAAACK!

(PS - Bring your own sheets.  Winky face.)

(PPS - Ewwwww.)

Image Via www.zillow.com

Move Over Ed Hardy! The Situation Unveils Clothing Line

Bitch, please.

The Situation has launched his crappy clothing line!  Yay!!!  I mean, aw shit...

His website is showcasing the clothes along with some other douchey items like lip balm, exercise junk and laundry bags.  Really focusing in on the GTL nonsense eh?  Ha!  I took marketing though...I get it.

For those of you looking to douche up your wardrobe, I threw up (pardon the pun) some pics of the line and it is...

Situation-y.  'Nuff said.

Feeling "Fresh to Death"?  Let everyone know that with this $38 t-shirt!

Need some new track pants???  (Who the fuck wears track pants past the age of four?)  Why pay normal retail prices when you can overpay at officialsituation.com?  These plain, generic track pants are a whopping $68 but at least he didn't write GTL all over them like everything else.

Or ladies...perhaps you're in need of some new winter fashions????  This ugly ass shirt with a shoe (?) on it runs $45 and is sure to make you the laughingstock shoeiest of all your friends!

Title Image Via www.people.com
Clothing Images Via www.officialsituation.com

Snooki Gets Hammed at Reunion - Situation Still Says She Blew Him

This reunion is...going...to be...awesome!

According to Star Magazine, all sorts of crazy shit went down at the taping of The Jersey Shore reunion and it got uglier than a meatball named Deena!

The Situation is apparently still into telling the world that Snooki sucked his dick and when he brought it up at the reunion, she went drunk squirrel monkey on his shiny ass. 

Star reports, "They were just going off at each other. Snooki was beyond angry.  She was just out of control, denying it too much...It was only 11am and she was a mess. She was slurring her words and struggling to keep her head up straight. There was no doubt she was drunk."

They go on to say that, producers struggled to keep the guidos and guidettes under control when the entire cast turned against The Situation when he wouldn't keep Jionni's name out his mouth.

So...let's get this shit on the air!  Seriously, this reunion is marked in my phone under the alarm name Kickass O'clock!

I wish it was t-shirt time right now!

Image Via www.thecampussocialite.com

Hobag Twins From Jersey Shore Sign Production Deal for Reality Show

Ugh!  Really Hollywood?  Is this where we're at?  Making reality shows about the hobags who bed hopped on the Jersey Shore?  Hashtag FAIL!

You guys remember these two slores Brittany and Erica Taltos from a few eps back?  You know, the ones who tried to tongue-bang Other Snooki, possibly sucked off the Situation and probably slept with Vinny?  How could you forget, right?  Well, some dumbass production company has inked a deal with the two for a show called Twinning (duh).  They posted on their FB page:

They say that, "...twinning is not what the 'Jersey Shore' depicted it as. Twinning is dressing the same, being on the same page, doing the same things together – nothing perverted. It's just being."

Just being?  Sounds like some pretty exciting shit!

They claim to have a 3.5 GPA at the University of FLA and vow that they're "...not going to end as the 'whores' who starred on 'Jersey Shore.'"  Ha!  Kind of using the term "starred" pretty fast and loose, slutbags ladies!  There's a ton of chicks who have banged those juicy guidos!  All they ended up with was some embarrassing footage that their kids will see and possibly an STD.  

So yeah, good luck with ALL that!

Image Via www.zacktaylor.ca

Jersey Shore Boasts 3rd Week at Top of Ratings

See, Abercrombie and Fitch???  Who do you think you're fuckin' wit?

The stars of The Jersey Shore are on top of the world right now AND on top of the ratings for the third week in a row...well, day-um!  That's a spicy meatball!

The MTV show took the top spot amongst those in the super-coveted age slot of 12-34 having a 7.3 rating - equaling 7.8 million viewers.  BAM!  TWINNING! 

Last week the blow out (no pun intended) between the Snitchuation, Mike Sorrentino, and our beloved first lady of Poof, Snooki, got the highest rating of the eps yet - rising a respectable 5% from the past week.

MY fave part was when Snooki told that one stalker twin that she was going to bleep [Gionni's] ass when he got to Italy and got called "foul" and then when Ron got a GD clue and told Sammi that even though they loved each other, they could NEVER be together because they are all sorts of fucked up when they date.

I may have just made up that last part - wishful thinking...

Check out my live tweeting (#shamelessselfpromotion) EST on Thursday nights where I shit out kickass (usually vodka induced) nuggets of gold during the eps. 

Image Via www.purplehillsgreenergrass.tumblr.com

Abercrombie and Fitch Paying The Situation to NOT Wear Their Shit

Ouch - we got a clothes situation going on!  No?  How 'bout WINNING! are we still doing that one?  Man, we need some new celebrity a-hole catch phrases...  

Anyways, in the first celeb pay-off I've ever heard of for NOT wearing a companies clothes, the award for douchebag of the month goes to Mike Sorrentino!  (Insert slow awkward clapping here.)

Abercrombie and Fitch doesn't think to much of the reality legend (in his own little mind) because they want him to step the fuck off when it comes to their generic-ass looking clothes.  SIDEBAR: Kind of weird because they had no prob making a "Fitchuation" shirt last year.  Says the super-company, "We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans. We have therefore offered a substantial payment to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino and the producers of MTV's The Jersey Shore to have the character wear an alternate brand. We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast, and are urgently waiting a response."

Well, that's...embarrassing.  I don't pay attention to their clothes too much unless they're screaming t-shirt time or something and I happen to catch a glimpse of some Ed Hardy so I'm not to sure who the "other members of the cast" are...

Fuck it - I say take the money, clean out your closets and get thee to American Eagle - that shit's all the same anyway.  And BTW - A&F's stock actually fell 9% after this press release went out according to CNN, most likely due to the Jersey Shore diss.  Crazy!   

Image Via www.realitytea.com   

Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere Re-Cap - Idiots Invade Italy

Let's do this shit...

So the gang headed to Italy for season four and look the fuck out - these assholes are armed with bigger boobs, smaller waistlines and new...beards???

Seriously, WTF was Vincenzo's puberty stache he was tryin' to pretend to have???  Can he see a beard?  Did you guys see a beard?  All I saw was a dirty chin...OH!  Shiz, maybe there was a beard!

Anyways, aside from Vin's puberty stache, a couple of the others are sporting some new looks.  Other Snooki (Deena) looks a little less disgusting in general so good for her, make-up does wonders - Ronnie doesn't look like a coked out ape, his ex-woman (grunt) Sammi seems to have filled up her tittays with some JWoww juice and the Situation is doing his best impression of an old leather bag.

Snooki doesn't look like she just ate JWoww anymore in a late night snack sesh and speaking of resident hottie JWoww, is it just me or did she return to the crazy lookin' like she lost a GD ton of weight???  Roger that!

Act one centers around the gang getting their crap togetha for the trip and having pictures taken for their passports.  Snooki spouts some dumb shit about Italy being "...that big country. No, Europe is that big country...You have Britain in there. And England. And Italy."  Good little dumbass!  Vin is worried no one is going to recognize him with his dirty chin beard, Sitch tells his barber that he would "hit that" if it's true the Snookster lost weight (classy!), JWoww is still with her trainer beau Roger, single Ron (thank god) is back and supposedly "fun" now and Sammi says she's not going to be a little bitch and cry all the time.  Yeah right...

They take all their leopard print Ed Hardy shit (and Crocadilly) to Italy and arrive at their pimp pad or slut palace if you will within flights of each other only to realize that HOLY SHIT! there are TWO flights of stairs!  TWO FLIGHTS!!!  Do you guys know how hard it is to climb up two flights of stairs with a drink in your hand while trying to smoosh???  I've never done it but I bet it's some pretty tricky shit!  After the initial shock of the stairs they check out the digs and surroundings.

The guys head to get on their G and meet the "Italian Mr. Miyagi" and the girls lose their shit over a "FERRIS WHEEL!!!" that is actually a carousel lol...so dumb.

When they get home, Mike drops the GD bomb of the decade on Ron saying he and Snooks hooked up when she was with her new greaseball.  Snooki cheated!?!?  With the Situation!?!?  This reeks of scripting but hey, I'll play along...and he also reveals that now that Snooks is skinny and less repulsive he thinks he likes her!  Please!

Now let's get to the booze and the bitches!  Hittin' the club, Sitch insists that it's "bumpin'" though I don't see any fucking people.  They all use Vinny as a translator because not one of them has enough brain power to study up on Italian before the trip and he tries to help a few of the boyz get their bang on with some DTF chicks but sadly, no deal.

So, what's a horny Guido to do???  Make out with Snooki and Other Snooki, of course!

Mike takes a shot at Snooks by getting all Euro-trash and kissing her face uncomfortably - way to look like a creepy date rapist buddy!  Snooki takes the face-kissing assault even though I probably would've opted for a good hoof to the peen and Other Snooki decides to make out with Pauly D - cue the tongues!  And BTW Pauly - you're better than that, dude!  You're on tour with Britney goddamn Spears, man!  BRITNEY!!!  Act like it!

They end with a season 4 trailer that gave Other Snooki a shitload of face time and played out a violent Sitch v. Ron storyline that seems to have something to do with Mike being a nosy bitch (which he totally is.)

Mamma Mia!  If Angelina would've showed up the goat rodeo would've hit a bombastic high but - sigh - no Angelina - she's not only burned the bridges back to fame, bitch has destroyed 'em. 

Image Via www.thedailybeast.com  

Take a Tour of the Jersey Shore Cast's House in Italy

Mamma Mia!  The Jersey Shore idiots had a hella nice smush room for Season 4!  Allow me to give you a guided tour of the slut palace that they lived in while filming.  That's right - shit just got technical all up on MY blog...IT'S A VIRTUAL TOUR MOTHERFUCKERS!

These are the bedrooms where they get the majority of their STDs and also spread them to unsuspecting Italians...

This is the bathroom where their pee burns and they take cold showers if their "non-grenades" are sadly not as DTF as they thought...

This is the hot tub/bacteria trap that they "smush" in and attempt to get women to disrobe for because The Situation says he needs to disinfect women before he fucks them...(seriously, he says that - it's in his *ahem* book).

They enjoyed this spacious kitchen where I imagine many a delicious meatball was consumed and Pauly D makes his "Boirgers for da boyz!" after a good old night of debauchery...

And finally we have the living room - this is where I imagine they waited for the "CABS R Heeere!" announcement and sat in wife beaters until it was "T-SHIRT TIME".

I'll admit they were losing me near the end of last season with all the Sammi and Ronnie douchebaggery and boring prank wars but they may just win me back yet!  The preview for the new season looks pretty epic and I'd watch if only to see who the hell put The Sitch into that neck brace (rumors flew that it was Ronnie but MTV denied it).  Anywho - new season starts Thursday and if y'all are lucky I may re-cap the season...Re-caps are such a pain in the ass to write though and don't get enough hits usually to warrant the effort...but I'll def do episode one.  Stay tuned... 

Images Via www.photos.toofab.com/galleries

Arrest Made Over White Powder At the Jersey Shore House!

Someone's in some serious shit!

In an arrest made over the weekend at the legendary Jersey Shore house, someone made the walk of shame out - no, not the "I banged Snooki, so I probably have an STD" walk of shame - more of a perp walk of shame!

One of The Situation's idiot Guido buddies brought a "white powdery substance" to the house - and I'll give ya one guess what it was!  It wasn't parmesan cheese for their late night chowfest!

Radar Online reports that the guy - Jonathan Manfre, "...attempted to get into the MTV house and he came in contact with security along with Seaside Heights off duty security.  Patrolman Roth found that he was in possession of a controlled dangerous substance, a white powdery substance."

ACK!  You stay away from my Vinny with that shiz!  Troublemaker!

Manfre is a trainer and produced a workout DVD with The Situation lol.  Oh and get this, guy's fucking nickname is The Unit!

Too damn easy!

Image Via www.realityaired.com

The Situation's Dad - Legally Sorry for Being a Ginormous Douchebag

Cue the Cat's in The Cradle shit...

The Situation's daddy (who like his son is apparently also a dumbass), Frank Situation Sorrentino, has gone and apologized for putting those crazy videos on YouTube.  The father and son recently filed legal docs asking the court to drop the case.

A settlement was reached and Frank agreed to stop using the his idiot son's name, image and likeness to make some beer money...wait, wine money...what do Italians drink?  *whispering* Is that racist?

Anyways, Italian Stallion jokes aside the two are not totally brahs again yet with some obvious animosity resulting from Frank's notorious Fuck the Little Fuck show - lol, real intelligent...

Frank insists that HE was the victim and he was being exploited by some jock strap named, Robert Fletcher, who talked him into the whole thing.  Daddy Situation also says he will go to court to testify against Fletcher if need be.

Mamma Mia!  What a bunch of Dirtbags. 

Image Via www.infostarcelebrity.blogspot.com