Katy Perry's Parents Want her to Date Tim Tebow

Oooh!  Katy Perry's 'rents are getting all UP in her kool-aid lately aren't they?  First shooting off their opinions about her marriage/divorce to Aldous Snow in a sermon, then talking to media outlets about the split and now they are apparently all into yakking about how super-Christian-jock Tebow should be dating their little princess and her whipped cream tits.

Katy and Tebow sitting in a fucked up tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!

Sidenote:  But not B-A-N-G-I-N-G...oh heaven's no!  I'm not sure why but God hates premarital banging!

Anyways, it's not too likely a match - Katy likes her men a little rough around the edges a la Russell.

Tebow's about as squeaky clean as they come.  Dude looks like he's the only one on the planet whose shit literally doesn't stink.

Image Via www.ctv.ca

Russell Brand's Goofy Ass Dumps Katy Perry's Quirky Ass

Saw this coming!  He's a skank and she's too quirky!  Skanky dude's can't control their dicks and quirky gets real annoying, real fast.  Like, damn bitches!  I didn't even take psych 101 and I know that shit!      

But some marriages just feel like they're going to fail, you know what I mean?  Like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Sinead O'Connor and that random dude, Tori Spelling and that cheater Dean Whoops!  I mean Britney and K-Fat...

Yes, it's not exactly shocking when some celeb couples bail out early...

This is another one of those times.

After a few months of Joey-and-Dawson-style will they or won't they (divorce not bang) shit, Russell Brand has filed for divorce from Katy Perry after about one year.  Allegedly, the two had been "having problems" and both have been spotted tooling around (emphasis on the word tool) without their wedding rings recently.     

He filed the papers today at noon - and since just after Christmas, their twitter accounts have remained tweetless.  It is the saddest fucking thing since Aldous Snow bombed with the heartfelt and unintentionally racist track African Child.

And speaking of Aldous, let me leave y'all with these EPIC words of wisdom, "When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall."

(Though something tells me Russell won't have any problems getting someone to stroke his Jeffrey...no problem at all...- seriously, guy's a mad slutpig.)

Image Via www.inquisitr.com

Katy Perry Nabs a Crapload of MTV VMA Nominations

Katy Perry is on fiyah lately!

The girl-kisser has been nominated for nine MTV VMA awards including best female video for "Firework," and best pop video for "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)."  I'm not a huge fan but go on, girl!  I'd rather she be at the top than that Lady Gaga asshole.   

The next two musicians leading the pack are Adele and Kanye West with seven nominations a piece.  Adele and Perry are in a musical smackdown for top video with "Firework" going against "Rolling in the Deep" (that song is so rad).

And oh yeah, shout out to the Beastie Boys for getting a nom for "Make Some Noise".

I wish Aldous Snow could win an award for music...my boyfriend sings "Bangers and Mash" like, constantly.

UPDATED:  OMG, my boyfriend's a sickie!  He just texted me it's "Bangers, Beans and Mash" so...yeah, my bad.  Ugh.

Image Via www.katyperrypictures.blogspot.com

The Hottest Chicks This Year - According to Maxim's Hot 100

A Bungled and the Botched break down. 

Let's see...we have Winnie Cooper riding high sans Wonder Years at #80 but damn, looks like she was just inched out by JWoww's breasts at #78.

Miley Bird comes in at #64 but was sadly beaten by Vagina Vanessa Hudgens (whose vagina is all over the internet) at #54 (vagina!).  Our favorite jailbird Lindsay landed in her orange jumpsuit at #38 which was just bested by Canadian cutie Avril Lavigne (who better get the hell away from my Brody or I'll cut her!) who came in at #34.

Britney (probably because she's not bald anymore) is at the cusp of the top quarter at #25 followed by Mega Fox, who is down to #17 from #5!  Shouldn't have messed with Michael Bay, man!  NO ONE messes with Michael Bay.

The Black Swans, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis, came in at #8 and #5 respectively.  Which brings us to the top spots - exciting stuff!  Pfft.

#4 goes to my lesbian crush Cameron Diaz
#3 is last year's #1 Katy Perry (gross - but I'm not a dude, so whatevs)
#2 was nabbed by Olivia Munn - shout out to the half Asians!  Whoot!
And #1 is the new Megan Fox (2.0 shit!) Rosie Huntington Whiteley who famously took over for the vapid brunette after she "left" the latest Transformers Movie

There you go horny dudes - the link is here for pics (y'know *whispers* for spank bank purposes.)  

Image Via www.deccanchronicle.com