Brad Pitt's New Chanel Ad is Pretty Stupid - VIDEO

Now, I'm no fancy schmancy perfumer but my ass did study Marketing in college and I knoooow celebrity so I feel pretty confident snarking on this.

Epic perfume, Chanel No. 5's new Brad Pitt ad is out and it is a whole lotta stupid nothing.

It's black and white and he's reading a poem.  Deep.



Man!  Remember when Brad Pitt was cool?  Fight Club, 12 Monkeys, banging Juliette Lewis?

I mean, yeesh!  Near the end to make it all stop I kind of just started screaming in my head, "Take your shirt off!  Show me your tits!" over and over again but he never did...

He never did...

Image Via www.youtube.com

Brangelina is Engaged

Yes, it appears to be true!  The two most beautiful people on the planet are going to get married in the most beautiful wedding to ever grace the earth...

Whatever...I pretty much consider any couple who have more than five kids together "married."

Here's the stupid ring anyways...Gawk away!

Title Image Via www.backseatcuddler.com
Post Image Via www.usmagazine.com

L&S Lists Brad's FEARS for Shiloh!

Life & Style magazine has gone and reported this little gem of bullshittery about Papa Pitt being all sorts of worried about Shiloh's short hair length and the fact that she plays with dinosaurs.

Yeah, that's what's up lol.

The mag says that Shiloh's hair is shorter than ever (GASP!) and that she has traded in her "dolls for dinosaurs" which is pretty much a passive aggressive way of insinuating that Brad would shit bricks if Shiloh pulled a Chaz Bono.  

A "friend of Angie's" has chosen L&S to confide in about Angelina and Brad's possibly gay daughter and how he would react.  They say that, "It would crush Brad if one of his kids was picked on."  A random nosy bitch who saw Angelina and Shiloh at a market said she even thought it was one of the Pitt-Jolie boys.  Yeah, like Angelina got her shopping on at a market with the Chosen One.  She has people who have people for that!  Ass.

I find it hard to believe that he cares if her hair is short.  Shit!  I rocked a bowl cut for the better part of my childhood and playing with Castle Grayskull was my jam!  I (questionably) turned out just fine.  Girls toys sucked - prob still do.

Oh and if Brad really didn't want his kids to be made fun of he should've rethought that Benjamin Button crap.

Just sayin'.

Image Via www.lifeandstylemag.com

Guess The Celebrity Kids

Oh why not, eh?  Not much else going on other than Lindsay losing and finding her stupid purse... 

Your mission is as follows, correctly ID all 8 of the celebrity kids below.  That's it, that's all.  Answers are at the bottom so don't go all scroll crazy if you want to guess.  You don't win anything but feel free to go ahead and pat yourself on the back if you get 'em all right! 

This kid's mom is a lip-syching guru who had her entire face changed with surgery (to look like her hotter sister no less) and his emo dad used to be a rock star in a band.  Emo idiot.
 

This one has two of the most beautiful parents in the world and enjoys traveling, wearing ties and possibly holding impromptu UN-style conferences with her many brothers and sisters...If this kid grows up to look anything like her mommy, DAMN!  Her fine ass daddy better get a gun.

This kid's parents have both played superheroes (though pretty shitty ones) and were both in the flick Pearl Harbour.  Her dad almost married one of the biggest stars on the planet and won a debatable Oscar for writing when he was only 26.   

This one's single mother is beloved as all hell and divorced one of the biggest douchebags in the history of douchbaggery just last year.   She has moved on with her life and the kid and he moved on to cheating on the next idiot in another highly publicized break up a few months ago.

These two cool bros have musician parents (with one hell of a fashionable mother!)  These are the dopest kids on the block, yo!  And they know it!  It is a little depressing these two are always dressed better than me and there is nothing I can do about it...but SO CUTE!  Who cares!?!  Puppies for everyone!!!

This kid's mother got famous because she is the sister of someone who got famous because she has a big ass and a porn tape...yes that's right.  His dad is a damn funny tweeter of dick jokes and rocks a suit and a cane like it's no one's damn BIZNESS!  Dude shuts it down!  Every.  Single.  Time. 

These two little ones look EXACTLY like their divorced mom and dad and should thank their lucky damn stars for that, because their parents are H-O-T!  Their mother won an Oscar for her work in a biopic and their dad recently had another kid with a model he knocked up by accident.
 

This baby's mom's a rocker chick and her dad's a motocross legend.  She has the same name as a tree and enjoys drooling, licking plastic toys and breastfeeding.  Her dad was also on The Surreal Life with Janice Dickinson and Omarosa lol.  Epic TV.

ANSWERS:

Bronx Wentz (Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz) Image Via www.fuckyeahbronxwentz.tumblr.com
Shiloh Jolie Pitt (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt) Image Via www.people.com
Violet Affleck (Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck)  Image Via www.affleckgirls.wordpress.com
Louis Bullock (Sandra Bullock) Image Via www.radaronline.com
Zuma and Kingston (Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale) Image Via www.x17.com
Mason Disick (Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick)  Image Via www.x17.com
Ava and Deacon Phillippe (Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe)  Image Via Fame
Willow Sage Hart (Pink and Carey Hart) Image Via www.socialitelife.com

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie put Malibu Beach Pad up For Sale

In today's FML post, I'm going to show you Brad and Ang's Malibu beach house.  The sucker is up for sale for about $14 mill. 

This is the exterior.  Even the outside looks like these guys don't fuck around when it comes to real estate.

 This is probably where Brad and Ang sit around and talk about how awesome they are.

Who needs an ocean?  These bitches have a pool!  Even though they live on a fucking beach!

That's so ostentatious.

You guys just WAIT until I'm rich and famous!  Imma have me a mansion better than this!  And I'll have less kids to fuck up my shit - prob only one...hopefully a boy - no one messin' with the queen. 

Booyah! 

Title Image Via www.angelinajoliepics.com
Home Images Via www.realtor.com

Brad Pitt Verbally Poops Out Some Insensitive Shit About Jennifer Aniston

Brad Pitt has decided to sound off on how much his life sucked in the 90s - including how uninteresting his marriage was with JenAn.  Well, that's not very nice!

The aging A-lister told Parade, "I spent the '90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony...I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic...It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn't living an interesting life myself."

Bitch please!  Some of us LIVE on our couches typing snark stories about non celebs and we deal with it just fine - you're complaining about being a superstar actor (who gets the juiciest roles this side of Tom Hanks) who was married to an intelligent, architecturally-savvy hottie?  Yeah, sooo uninteresting...I feel really bad for you - ass.

He went on to insensitively say, "I think that my marriage [to actress Jennifer Aniston] had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn't."  Oh?  What's that, monogamous?

"I'm satisfied with making true choices and finding the woman I love, Angie, and building a family that I love so much. A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss…That's the trade-off.  But I'll take it all.  One of the greatest, smartest things I ever did was give my kids Angie as their mom...She is such a great mom.  Oh, man, I'm so happy to have her...We'll get married when everyone can. We're not splitting up. And we don't have a seventh child yet." 

Why you gotta do her dirty dude!?!  Especially right now when her mom is dying in a hospital, you selfish prick!  Uncool!  Obvi, I don't have a prob with him talking about his undying love for Ang because he's with her now but keep Aniston's name out yo' mouth bitch!  Just leave it alone!

NOTE:  Brad released this statement in regards to the article (something he NEVER does FYI):  "It grieves me that this was interpreted this way.  Jen is an incredibly giving, loving, and hilarious woman who remains my friend.  It is an important relationship I value greatly. The point I was trying to make is not that Jen was dull, but that I was becoming dull to myself -- and that, I am responsible for."  Whatever man, you speak english AND you're a pretty sharp guy, whether it was you that you meant sucked or her - it's still a fucked up thing to say. 

Image Via www.hollywooddame.com