$25K for The Situation? Check out this List of Celebrity Appearance Prices

Ugh!  How much would I have to pay to never see The Situation on another TV again???  

Check this horseshit out!  Turns out these celeb bitches make MAD Benjamins for just standing around!  Keep in mind that in addition to the list, the agent who quoted the numbers said that any celeb buyer should keep in mind that they'll most likely have to pay for what he called the Simple Four.  That includes the flight, ground transportation, hotel and food.  Oh and some won't fly commercial (whatever the fuck that means) so you'd have to shell out for a private jet...the greed is palpable...

BTW Most appearances are based on an approx. 2 hour appearance and/or gig.

In the music world you can score talented transvestite Lady Gaga for $2 million, Metallica for a cool $1.5 million, Pitbull for $300K and Ne-Yo for $200K.

You and your bonehead buddies can mentally jerk off to some random Playboy models who run about $1K - $1.5K or get Teresa Giudice to flip a table for $15K.  The Jersey Shore cast can buy all the booze and pickles they want with their appearance earnings - Deena Nicole nabs $8K for merping on everyone, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino gets paid $25K to show off his rehabbed abs and though I'm not totally sure about Snook's, I know she got about $32K for speaking at prestigious Rutgers University...cha-ching!  Hell, even The Unit makes $5K!  The most famous Armenian porn star in the world, Kim Kardashian, is the one on top in the reality category though > Ho makes $125K an appearance!!!  Someone get me my video camera and a youtube account!

Sports stars also command some serious money for making an appearance.  To see Tim Tebow tebowing in person it will cost you $50K - $65K, Michael Jordan is the highest at approx $2 million and former Celtic Larry Bird asks for $75K.

AND the Warlock Vatican Assassin himself, Charlie Sheen, will bomb you with his torpedo of truth for $250K (and possibly throw up in your shitter) but he's one of the ones who requires a private jet so he can bang his goddesses the whole way the initial cost is negligible.

There you have it.  Looks like stars make some sa-weet bank from just showin' up places.  Gah!

In my estimation, anyone who gets off on hiring a celeb just so they can parade them around in front of a bunch of local gawkers like an inbred show dog needs to find some better shit to spend their money on.

Image Via www.roccosrevolution.com

Oh No! Hugh Hefner's Son Allegedly Smacked His Playmate Girlfriend

Well, that's no good...

The New York Post is reporting that Marston Hefner - Hugh's eldest son - was arrested for misdemeanor domestic abuse last night after an incident where he allegedly hit his girlfriend Claire Sinclair (2011 Playmate of the Year.)

I remember seeing them both on that T and A fest The Girls Next Door or Holly or something back in the day but only for a cameo.  Marston wasn't exactly all Thug Life and seemed more bookish than anything...but you never know.  It's her word against his right now.  He admits to arguing with her but denies hitting her even though police reported seeing visible injuries including bruises on Sinclair.

He was released on $20k bail.  (He can prob thank Lindsay's busted up tittays for that one, Playboys ain't exactly flying off shelves since the internet started mainlining that shit straight into our laptops.)

Hope she's okay.

UPDATED 14/02/12:  Sinclair has filed a restraining order against the junior heir.  TMZ released this pic today.  It's sad to see the actual picture...makes me want to throw up on Chris Brown's Grammy a little bit.

Image Via www.vegasnews.com

Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Leak Pictorial - NSFW

Hey-O!

Or maybe Hey-HO!

I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan's Playboy cover leak but here's the rest of the boobstravaganza for those of you who want to see some serious Blohan T and A.  It's pretty good - my man even stopped playing his vid to come take a peek and he could give a shit about this stuff.

Check out the pics HERE.

I would've embedded them but the last thing I want is for people to come onto the blog and get a face full of Lindsay tittays they never asked for!  That would be wrong of me. 

And PS - I would've bet bank this ho had HUGE sausage nipples!  Hmmm.  Perplexing.  

Image Via www.worldmags.net

Lindsay Lohan Thinks she was Dating Heath Ledger - Playboy Moves Release Date Up

Hugh Hefner is releasing Lindsay's vadge onto y'all sooner than later!

Yay?

Yes, someone (probably a blonde hobag) shouted into Hef's hearing aide that Lindsay Lohan's cover leaked on the internet and once he figured out what the internet was he had to rethink the release date for the issue.

Someone (again, probably a blonde hobag) tweeted for him, "Because of the interest & the Internet leak, we're releasing the Lindsay Lohan issue early."  Playboy is anticipating monster sales and have printed off a shitload of extra LiLo copies to make sure all the pervs can get their hands on it.  No set date has been announced.

Oh and check this shit out!

Somehow Star Magazine magically got a hold of Lindsay's "secret diary" and released some excerpts about how the actress was in love with (while secretly dating) Heath Ledger.

Hahahahahaha!

Dear Diary, I'm fucking cray cray.  Xo, Linds.

The date on the secret pages of the secret diary that is such a secret that there are no secret pictures of it is January 22, 2008.  And bitch wrote it in pink pen!  That's priceless!

"Today Heath died.  I'm in love with him….He was the love of my life. He taught me so much, and he was everything I've ever wanted and more.  I want to hear him laugh and hold me. I crave his touch and care."

He was the love of your life?  I thought Blohan was all about Samantha's butch ass?!?!  

Allegedly, in a 2008 phone conversation (unknown if the call was also secret) Dina "The Enabler" Lohan told her idiot dad Michael that their daughter was "dating Heath when he died."  Um, then why the hell did people on the scene call a fucking Olsen then???  Dina also works in crazytown though so...grain of salt.

Man, fake secret diaries are so crazy! 

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Cover Leaks

Now I know what you're thinking...

"Ew, what did it leak?  Like...syphilis or something."

But no!  Don't go there!  I'm talking about a media leak masterminded by Dina Lohan!  And it leaked all over my computer when I hit up my fave blog DListed.com just now...so now, because I have seen the cover, you all must too!

Editor's Note:  Totally drunk with power.

Anyways here is the stupid cover in all it's stupid alleged $1 million glory...Here's the actual pictorial (NSFW!) LINK.

No word yet on who we should give the photoshop award to.  (PS - is it just me or are homey's boobs saggin' like a mofo?  Damn!)

Title Image Via www.dlisted.com
Post Image Via www.nypost.com

Lindsay Lohan - Imma Be in Playboy!!!

Man, this chick is like two months away from falling out the bottom of a porn barrel.

It is nice to see that someone hired her...girlfriend needs some dental work (and apparently more soap to wash her hands with.)

TMZ has confirmed that Lindsay took off her stained gitches for a nude photo shoot with Playboy that will earn her just about a cool mill!  Yuck!  Maybe back in the day but homey is looking all sorts of skanky these days.

WASH YOUR HANDS, LINDSAY!  For realz!

TMZ says the deal has been in negotiations for months and that when Linds believed she was being lowballed with a mere $750K in crack money payment she held in there and insisted her tittays were worth a million. 

Seriously, soap works.

Image Via www.rickey.org

Holly Madison Insures Tittays for a Million Bucks

Recession schmecession - let's drop some mad boob money!

That's exactly how Holly Madison's tiny brain appears to think because that's what she's gone and done!  According to People.com Hef's former bunny toy has insured her knockers for a cool mill.

The skank says, "They're my primary money makers right now.  I've heard about people getting body parts insured and I thought, why not?  Because if anything happened to my boobs, I'd be out for a few months and I'd probably be out a million dollars." 

Ugh!  Someone get me my gun...

Image Via www.thehollywoodgossip.com

Hugh Hefner Is Either Dead or Planking - You Decide

Either way, I'm not impressed.  But someone should still probably check for a pulse...or a boner.

Image Via www.perezhilton.com

Crystal Harris Tells Stern Hef's a Two-Second Bang

Ouch!  No need to go there, dickhead!

At a recent appearance on the Howard Stern Show, Crystal Harris gave some insights into her relationship with Hef and they are just MEAN!

Keep in mind that the icy bitch has been on a PR rant to showcase her (ahem) music career and to tell her side of the story and has since been pretty classy about it.  Also keep in mind this is the same ho that partied it up with talentless Heidi Montag one day before the ditched wedding AND who attempted to sell her $90k wedding ring.

When asked about Hef and her sex life Crystal said on air that the one time she banged the Playboy mogul it lasted "like two seconds."  Yeah?  Well he's, like, 100 years old so go fuck someone else if you don't want to feel his old balls on ya for two whole pleasure-lacking seconds!  Sure she'll ride the Playboy name for 5 months but she won't ride him for at least half a minute!

"Then I was just over it," she told Stern.  "I was like, ‘Ahhhh.’ I was over it I just like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.  He doesn’t really take off his clothes. I’ve never seen Hef naked."  Over it?  I hope the Playboy staff pissed in her Cheerios every morning!

Hef was pretty ticked off she gave an interview that made him sound like a sucka so he took to the twitterverse to speak out...

"Crystal did a crazy interview with Howard Stern today that didn’t have much to do with reality. Is she trying to impress a new boyfriend?"  (This tweet was later removed.)  He also wrote in reply to a follower, "Crystal convinced me that she adored me, That was the first lie."  Awww!  You shouldn't lie to old people!   They're...old!

Hef also tweeted, "I feel sorry for Crystal.  She seems lost."

It's okay Hef!  Screw that ho!  She'll be dropped out of the bottom of the porn barrel in about five years and you'll STILL be the man!  Team Hef!

Image Via www.stupidcelebrities.net

Bree Olson Tells Playboy - Charlie Sheen is a Fricken "Rock Star" in Bed

Bree Olson AKA one of Charlie Sheen's former Goddesses gave a pretty candid interview to Playboy where she talked about her life with the "Vatican Warlock Assassin" himself.

According to the porn star Chuckie boy called her up one day randomly and asked her if she'd be interested in being a concubine a "meet and greet" at Sober Valley Ranch.  Sooner than later Olson moved in with Sheen and that other Goddess, Natalie Kenly.

Awww!  A tale of becoming a goddess so beautiful I may just light some candles, pet my cat, listen to some Boyz II Men and weep later.

Bree says, "He's good in bed. I mean, he's had a lot of practice. He's just a rock star. He's a powerhouse. He's a very sensual and sexual person, and when I was with him I felt as if we became one together, because he's just so enticing sexually."

Yeah, missing teeth turn me on like a mofo! 

On lesbo-ing out with Natalie she said, "That was a lie. I didn't really even know her. Okay, all three of us got together, I think, twice. They did their thing together, and Charlie and I did our thing together. And we had two different beds. She and I would go to whichever bed, and he would pick. You know, where am I sleeping tonight?"

Where am I sleeping tonight???  Yeesh, not as glamorous to be a Goddess as I thought!  Maybe they should've used a different word than Goddess...maybe ho?

So, what's a Goddess to do without her God???  Why act of course!

Olson has decided to retire from porn to take a shot at Hollywood, because (according to her) SHE'S the one winning now.

All a bunch of losers if you ask me...but Sheen was effin' badass in Ferris Bueller.

Image Via www.emmerdale.me.uk

Hugh Hefner's Fiancee Calls off Wedding! Updated: An Affair was the Culprit???

Aw!  Poor old guy!

The wedding of the Playboy founder to his young-enough-to-be-his-granddaughter bride is off!  The nuptials that never were have been nixed by Crystal just five days out - damn woman!  Late notice much!?!

Allegedly, the couple had a pretty gnarly argument on the phone but what happened exactly is not yet known - Crystal then abruptly packed up her bunny suit and moved out of the Playboy Mansion.

E! News heard from Crystal's music manager that, "It's very sad."  But also that "It was amicable."

Music manager???  WTF?

Anyways if you ask me, Hef dodged a bullet!  A 25-year-old blonde, gold diggin' bullet!

UPDATE (from like ten minutes ago lol):  Now it's being reported that Crystal may have been banging someone else!  Dr. Phil's son Jordan McGraw!  The fight that may have broke up the wedding could have been about the affair - stay tuned... 

Image Via www.lolluv.com

No Playboy for Michaele Salahi!

Thank God!

So, remember a while ago when Michaele Salahi was going around yakking about how she was going to be in Playboy and we all thought she was just being her usual crazy-ass lying self...you know by being crazy and telling lies?  Well, it turns out that the pics have been shot of the naked fool but alas it was not meant to be...According to a source Michaele got the following earth-shattering (to the Salahis) email:

"There is no opportunity this calender year to offer you a cover opportunity or place for your pictorial.  We had hoped an issue would be available to present you in the pages of the magazine first.  However, that does not seem likely and we do not want to keep them from our readers any longer."

Basically they are going to put her bony ass on the website in lieu of in the mag...Apparently, the rep told her that they were "amazing".  What rep?  Is Tareq a rep for Playboy?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Here's a translation if you don't speak PR and show biz - "We took the pics and they didn't make any of us throw up violently so we are going to use them.  We don't want to put them in the mag because it's fucking Playboy and we try not to put assholes in it.  We do however, think your fifteen minutes are just about up so we're going to hurry up and use them on our crappy website that no one goes to because the internet is full of so much porn already.  Thanks, Hef."

Probably better anyway - she tends to sue everybody she works with and/or tries to sue them (and the people she scams, and the people she shops from, and the people she...oh fuck it - bitch is sue-happy.)  She's like that jerkoff friend you had as a little kid who used to get you into trouble and then tell on you.  Damn you my childhood Michaele Salahi - Roger LeSavage!  Damn you!

UPDATE: The slimy duo are now denying the report that she will bare all for Playboy...a spokesperson for Salahi and her husband called it just another rumor.  So, who knows what's really up with these crazy assholes?  Hard to keep up...   

Image Via www.drlillianglass.com

Tareq Salahi to Pose For Playgirl?

Shut up!  That is so WTF it is perhaps one of the most WTF things that has ever happened!  I can barely comprehend the WTFedness of it all!

Well I guess the pile of money they raised on lies ran out because you've got to be pretty desperado to do this!  Check this bloopdebloop out - America's infamous, party-crashing, wine-swilling evil King of evil Queen Michaele Salahi's world is going to allegedly pose for Playgirl!  Go on take a second to puke it out - I'll wait. 

Tareq is in talks with Playgirl and has sent in some booty shots or something that I shouldn't even be typing right now...

TMZ has some pics up and I'm not 100% sure they are the ones he sent in to (ahem) tempt them but I am 100% certain that I should have never, NEVER have seen those pics.  Hit the link at your own risk!  Apparently he is adament about not showing his tiny penis so thank fuck for that!  I'm going to take it with a grain of the not-forgotten Sparkle's licking salt because TMZ also broke the phantom Michale Playboy shoot story last year.

All right - now you can go finish up that puke session....

Image Via www.stoopidhousewives.com

No Prenup for Hef

Damn, old man - that takes some old balls!

The 84-year-old Playboy honcho is not going to get Crystal "I'mgoingtotakeallyourmoney" Harris to sign a prenup and sources say he won't even bring it up.

He's worth a cool $43 million and she's worth about $43 dollars so it's a little shocking that he wouldn't put down his Viagra long enough to get those papers signed.

Hef says he loves her and truly cares for the 24-year-old Harris so there is no need for one.  Pfft - I know why you need one...so she doesn't take all your fucking money dude!

Mazel if the two of them make it and they do truly care about each other this much but what's wrong with signing a prenup?  People act like it's insulting these days - here's a tip Hef...it's not insulting - it's a way to make sure that what's yours stays yours and she gets to keep her $43 bucks so...what's the problem?

God, get this guy a Kanye CD ASAP!

Image Via www.bumpshack.com

Hugh Hefner is Engaged

The 84-year-old Playboy founder has given his girlfriend, Crystal Harris an engagement ring for Christmas.

Holly Madison must be pissed!

For those of you who avoided the awful, boobfest that was The Girls Next Door, Holly played girlfriend number one, and was infamous for pushing marriage on the old coot.  He always playfully ignored her crazy ass hinting he would never again marry but apparently he would just rather not marry her.

Anyways, if the old guy makes it down the aisle again it should be quite the wedding.  Congrats Hef!