Mike Sorrentino Has a Legal Situation

Ugh!  This guy is such a little girl...

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino has been in a legal battle with a stupid vodka company no one has ever heard about for about a month and though he threw the first punch, they aren't just going to back down like that poor, pathetic Paula chick!

The suit that the Bitchuation filed alleged that Devotion Vodka company owed him $5 million because he helped them build their brand by being a spokesperson for them.  Gotta say, I watch this stupid crap all the time and I have never heard him say ANYTHING about vodka...even when he was drinking vodka!

Anyways...

Devotion Vodka has filed a counter suit with unspecified damages claiming that he breached the contract.  They say he >

-Constantly showed up late to events 

-Concealed an alleged drug problem

-Was seen asking investors for weed (Lol - That one's pretty bad...)

-Refused to do interviews at events 

-Constantly demanded extra perks for his friends 

They also allege that at an event in NJ last year Princess Abs "locked himself in the bathroom and refused come out."  Apparently, when he came out he was "sniffing" and security guards said they found a "cocaine-like residue."  Sounds like a drug problem to me!  

Devotion says the contract was terminated in March 2012 when Sorrentino checked into rehab.

I'm Team Devotion!  Vodka is my jam!  JAAAAAM!  

(Damn!  Now I kind of wish I had some vodka...)

Image Via www.twitter.com

SNOOKI BAYBAYYYY!

Move the beer over and make room in that stroller, yo!  That mini meatball is gonna need some leg room!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jionni LaValle became parents on Sunday when the poofy pickle popper gave birth to her much anticipated (not really) guido baby, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle.

She tweeted >

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He tweeted >

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Duuuh...Bro's a little slow lol.  Holla we want prenup!

Anywho, good luck, kid!  Hope you like animal print - she's gonna just fucking DRAPE you in that shit.

Image Via www.people.com

Here's a Couple of Staged Shots From Snooki's Baby Shower

With Snooki due in about a month, a baby shower was imminent - Selling it to a mag was prob just the icing on the famewhore cake...

InTouch is who bought the rights to her baby shower (thrown by her mama, Helen, on the 12th.)  The shower had a sports/leopard print theme because Snooki has like zero taste, a complete hard on for animal prints and because it's going to be a boy, Lorenzo.

Here's the pics >

It was at the Falkirk Estate and Country Club in Central Valley, New York and attended by 100 women including her female Jersey Shore costars.  It took the Chilean reality star nugget 4 hours to open all the gifts.

It's all in the newest edition of InTouch - the one where Teresa Guidice is "humiliated" on the cover of again lol >

Bleh...

Title Image Via www.thehollywoodgossip.com
Post Images Via www.intouchmagazine.com

Sammi and Ronnie Are Moving In Together

I expect to be writing my Sammi and Ronnie broke up again post any second now, so I'll make this short...

Resident Jersey Shore boring couple Sammi Giancola and Ronnie Magro are moving to New York together and buying an apartment...

Ugh!

Sammi talked to Hollywood Life about the new move where she basically just went on about their real "connection" and how they've grown up.  Haha - none of these fucks are grown-ups!  Do y'all ever notice that?  Why the hell does Snooki sleep with stuffed animals at her age?  Admittedly, I grew up kind of quick and was on my own at 18 getting 'er done but they're in their 20s decorating shit with animal print and pink like they're fucking tweens...

That is just SOOO weird to me.

Sammi says she'll be decorating the place and the only thing Ronnie insists on is no animal print.

Far as I can tell, bro prob prefers punched holes in the walls and overturned furniture.

I give it a month.

Image Via www.thehollywoodgossip.com

Other Snooki Got Arrested - VIDEO

Other Snooki (Deena Cortese) got arrested yesterday afternoon in Seaside Heights for disorderly conduct and of course...

It was alllll caught on tape for her bastard kids to watch once she gets knocked up at Karma.

BUT > Much like I believe the Jersey Shore will be with a bunch of knocked up sober people rippin' around, this vid is LAME.  The mouthbreather taping the incident is kind of funny though.

Dude captured Other Snooki (Jersey Shore camera crew in tow) getting arrested and he sounds sooo proud.  Props, brah...props.   

It's no 'Snooki Arrest' of yore but whatevs...Around 1:09 is when the noodlehead meatball gets arrested.



Her parents have since bailed her out (pictured above).


Image Via www.tmz.com

It's Gonna Be a GUIDO for Snooki!

Oh thank fuck!  I cannot deal with another stupid woman running around acting a damn fool covered in leopard print and carrying a copy of Kim K's book!

Yes guys, this kid may just have a shot, yet!

MTV has just announced via the Meatball and Jionni LaValle that their upcoming little bugger will be a guido!

The two leading names are Lorenzo and Jionni Jr. - Creative!

Snooks had wanted a guidette to corrupt but alas it wasn't in the cards.  

The six month preggers Snooki is currently filming and living with JWoww and her ginormous boobies.

Do us all a favor and keep that kid away from his greasyass uncle possible father The Situation...that guy would teach him some duuumb shit.

Congrats!

Image Via www.urbanmag-online.com

Snooki is Not Staying in the Shore House and The Sitch is Having a Hard Time Post-Rehab - VIDEO

But she will be on the show!

That's right, that little nugget of disgustingness is staying elsewhere when season 6 starts filming.  Snooks and her possibly already tan fetus will take up residence in a private home nearby.  The future porn star said that she doesn't want to be around a bunch of loudass drunks during pregnancy...

She admitted she was 3 months knocked up in February so by my math (shout out Mr. Duncan!) she's due around August - filming for the show takes place in the summer so expect her to be poppin' right outta her skanky tops.

The next season also marks the first sober season for most-hated, mega douche on the show, The Situation. Here's a brand new video of him talking about rehab BTW > (Only available in the U.S.) Sorry Canucks for some reason MTV doesn't post videos for us aside from episodes of shows.

Enjoy this season ya trashbags and save up your benjamins, yo!  Cuz' I think this shit is pretty much over!  Actually, what am I talking about?  My ass knows it's over. ;)

Image Via www.blog.wholesalecostumespot.com

$25K for The Situation? Check out this List of Celebrity Appearance Prices

Ugh!  How much would I have to pay to never see The Situation on another TV again???  

Check this horseshit out!  Turns out these celeb bitches make MAD Benjamins for just standing around!  Keep in mind that in addition to the list, the agent who quoted the numbers said that any celeb buyer should keep in mind that they'll most likely have to pay for what he called the Simple Four.  That includes the flight, ground transportation, hotel and food.  Oh and some won't fly commercial (whatever the fuck that means) so you'd have to shell out for a private jet...the greed is palpable...

BTW Most appearances are based on an approx. 2 hour appearance and/or gig.

In the music world you can score talented transvestite Lady Gaga for $2 million, Metallica for a cool $1.5 million, Pitbull for $300K and Ne-Yo for $200K.

You and your bonehead buddies can mentally jerk off to some random Playboy models who run about $1K - $1.5K or get Teresa Giudice to flip a table for $15K.  The Jersey Shore cast can buy all the booze and pickles they want with their appearance earnings - Deena Nicole nabs $8K for merping on everyone, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino gets paid $25K to show off his rehabbed abs and though I'm not totally sure about Snook's, I know she got about $32K for speaking at prestigious Rutgers University...cha-ching!  Hell, even The Unit makes $5K!  The most famous Armenian porn star in the world, Kim Kardashian, is the one on top in the reality category though > Ho makes $125K an appearance!!!  Someone get me my video camera and a youtube account!

Sports stars also command some serious money for making an appearance.  To see Tim Tebow tebowing in person it will cost you $50K - $65K, Michael Jordan is the highest at approx $2 million and former Celtic Larry Bird asks for $75K.

AND the Warlock Vatican Assassin himself, Charlie Sheen, will bomb you with his torpedo of truth for $250K (and possibly throw up in your shitter) but he's one of the ones who requires a private jet so he can bang his goddesses the whole way the initial cost is negligible.

There you have it.  Looks like stars make some sa-weet bank from just showin' up places.  Gah!

In my estimation, anyone who gets off on hiring a celeb just so they can parade them around in front of a bunch of local gawkers like an inbred show dog needs to find some better shit to spend their money on.

Image Via www.roccosrevolution.com

MTV may Phase out Snooki and the Situation for New Blood

Oh thank you baby Jebus!!!

I don't mind Snooki so much but I HATE the Situation!  Get his greasy, little girl ass outta there!

TMZ is reporting that MTV is looking to counteract it's "stars" public issues by phasing them out of the series next season...apparently, the Situation's pill poppin' and Snooki's upcoming bastard guidobaby are posing a problem for the show, making them look like enabling assholes who exploit their "talent".

Producers are looking for new talent to fold into the existing cast and will minimize any Snooki/Situation blow job fighting.  Yay!  I couldn't take one more minute of that BJ shit!

As we say up here in Canada - Give 'er!

Image Via www.film.com

The Situation Is In Rehabilitation

TMZ reports that The Situation AKA Mike Sorrentino has checked into an inpatient rehabilitation program for substance abuse.  His camp (which I think means his brother) isn't confirming, but his brother PR guy is saying that he "has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule."

(Okay, that was pretty articulate...so maybe it's not his brother...)

Apparently, the cast and crew of the show were getting increasingly concerned as the season went on.  During the camping trip, they noted he was "sweatier" and more "paranoid" than usual...for those of us watching it was pretty weird that he acted like a crazy little girl most of the season.  And remember when his dick was hanging out of his camo shorts for like 5 goddamn minutes on the roof talking to Snooki?  I'm willing to bet some shore store shirts that he was higher than a Lohan there!

Also, that toolbag buddy of his The Unit got busted last summer with some of Paris Hilton's coke on him at the infamous shore house.  I could totally picture those two snorting lines of coke off of each other's chiseled abs and then crotch-bumping each other in their A&F boxers...

Jokes aside - hope he gets the help he needs.

Image Via www.gadling.com

Season 6 of Jersey Shore is Happening

Now, I like JS as much as the next guy but shit's getting kind of old...Am I right?

Anyways, MTV has confirmed that the entire cast will be returning next season for another whorefest at the shore house.  Shooting will begin this summer so watch for a fucking huge baby bump on NYT best selling author (yes really) Snooki's slutty halter top.

And that's the other thing!  Why the hell are they letting a knocked up chick into the shore whore house???  That's no place for a baby!  I wouldn't even let those assholes take care of my cat for the weekend.

MTV promises the "trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same."

Which basically means we get to watch the Bitchuation act like a whiny little girl for about a dozen eps.

MERP!

Image Via www.wegotthiscovered.com

Anybody Wanna Call a Celebrity??? Dial-a-Star Lets You!

There's only one small thing...

The celebs SUCK!

Here's the breakdown of "celebrity" prices PER MINUTE for new site, Dial-a-star.com:

Dina Lohan and Michael Lohan (Lindsay's stupid parents) - $10 each
Angelina Pivarnick (the Staten Island dump) -  $10
Nadya Suleman (Octomom) - $15
Capri Anderson (described as a former Charlie Sheen porn star - but she wasn't even a goddess so like, what the fuck?)  - $10

Danielle Staub (prostitution whore from Real Housewives of New Jersey) - $18

I also hear that Angelique, that trashy french whore from the Rock of Love crap, is available for a price.  LOL, I can't!

So...my question is...

Why the hell is it so expensive to call Danielle Staub???  (*cough* phone sex *ahem*)

EWWWWW!

Whatevs, I'm kind of thinking about drunk dialin' Michael Lohan and trying to save him from himself...other than that - LAME.

Image Via www.celebuzz.com

NY Post Says Snooki is Knocked Up

Oh shiz!  Snooki is going to procreate!  Best mother ever!  *Rolling eyes right outta my head*

About an hour ago, the NY Post reported that Snooki "lied" in previous interviews when she said she wasn't knocked up and IS indeed carrying a future Ed Hardy wearing guido (or guidette - god help us all) in her pickle-filled belly...

This...concerns me.

They report that she's about 3 months along and that the baby daddy is Jionni LaValle NOT the questionably homosexual Situation.  Apparently MTV is freakin' out because they like their Snooki drinking!  Or drunk!  Or pissin' herself on a dance floor!  Mothers can't do that shit - People will crucify her!  A source also told the Post that she has already brokered a deal with UsWeekly to announce the pregnancy - hence the reason she's keeping her chunky monkey booze hole shut.

They said she wants to be the next Kourtney Kardashian.  Who says that?  Assholes say that.

As of right now, I'm totally buying this story.  I can tell she's just itching to trap Jionni with a little bastard kid and I'm pretty sure she has nooo idea what it's like to have a baby.  For realz!

Jionni needs to keep 911 on speed dial for when she tries to hot tub and "get her club on" with Snooki Junior.

Meatball problems indeed!

Image Via www.mcgreg28.hubpages.com

New Jersey Wine Shop Bans Snooki for Being Snooki

Free Snooki!!!

In what I perceive to be a pretty shitty financial move by a local establishment in Jersey City (located next to Jwoww and Snooki's upcoming den of iniquities no less) they have posted a sign banning Snooki from their spirits shop!

Appalling!  Does this guy not know how much Snook's drinks?  She'll put his fucking kids through college, man!  Personally, if I were gonna ban anyone from my store it'd be that mouthpiece the Situation and his stupid friend the Unit...

The shore whore hatin' shop owner went on to say, "Even if Jwoww shows up at our front door she will not be let in."

Whoa, now!  The hell did Jwoww do?  She never gets arrested or pisses herself while doing the Jersey Turnpike!  Guilty by association...tsk, tsk...association to Snooki...

Guess their bitches will have to drive them up the street to get some RonRon Juice...

Jionni help save us alllll!!!

Image Via www.tmz.com

Snooki and Jwoww (And Everyone Else) Thinks The Situation Is Gay

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Here's how it shook down -

Snooki and Jwoww have been press junketing it up all over the damn place promoting their upcoming spin off in Jersey City and during an interview with The Huffington Post Gay Voices this happened:

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After that awesomeness happened, The Situation freaked out, called them up furious and issued an I'm not gay themed press release through his publicist.

I have to say, gay or not - he certainly acts like a chick.  All mopey...looking for attention all the time...comparing units with The Unit.  Come on, no straight dude rocks a vest like that and wears that much Axe Body spray...

I don't care how "metro" and shiny his guido ass is. 

Image Via  www.suntimes.com

Jwoww and Snooki's Spin Off Lands in Jersey City - With a Few Rules ...

Remember a while back when the mayor of Hoboken pretty much took all Snooki's pickles away and threw them at her and Jwoww screaming NOT IN MY CITY, BITCHES! told MTV to go screw themselves when they needed a place to film Jwoww and Snooki's new show?

Well, no worries!  TMZ is reporting that Jersey City has agreed to sign a filming permit for the show however, they want cops on the two drunky drunks 24-7!

They want four coppers stationed at their home at ALL times, cops will stay with them whenever they leave the house and if MORE cops are needed to trail the two - MTV has to pony up the extra costs to the city.

Sounds pretty lame ass to me!  They're not public enemy number one or anything for fuck's sakes!

And not for nothing, but since Other Snooki joined the show, I feel like Snooks has gotten all sorts of SLOPPY!  Sure, she was always a hot damn mess, but she's pissin' herself now and shit...come on, now!

Production starts later this month.  Good luck ladies!  (And Jersey City!)

Image Via www.mikedoe.net

Hoboken Bans Snooki and JWoww - Says They Are Bad For "Quality of Life"

Fucking Hoboken!  Why they gotta get all up in Snooki's grill, yo?

Nah, just kidding.  But check out the letter that the mayor of the illustrious waterfront city sent to the production company behind The Jersey Shore...it's not too nice.  For real!  Saying someone is bad for the quality of life of a whole city is whack!  They pretty much pissed in their faces...with pee that's been aged for a decade...in a herpes infested vagina...yeah, I went there.

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Aw!  I dig JWoww!  Where's the love???

Title Image Via www.hotonlinenews.com
Post Image Via www.gawker.com

Check out the Dude who Bangs Deena Cortese (Other Snooki) - PICS

So here I was, trolling around twitter, trying to not let Nene Leakes TL tick me off when I saw that Other Snooki had posted a new pic...

So what did Other Snooki post?

A new pic of her man - some dude named Chris Buckner.  Here's a little background 411 on the dude...

Chris is a non-guido looking fuck who played football in high school.  In November he "liked" The Rock's facebook page and his page lists Kourtney Kardashian, Pauly D and Megan Fox as some of his other likes.

Sounds like a real studmuffin!  (Editor's Note:  Who says studmuffin?  Shame on me!)

Now, I didn't realize anyone would hit that she was dating and I'm not too sure when the alcohol-fueled love affair started, but November 16th seems to be the first mention of the meatball fucker on twitter.

It should be noted that that also seems to be around the time that she learned how to post pictures to twitter so who the hell knows how long she's been merping while riding him?  That's not important though.

What's important is...

This guy will have to go through the rest of his life as the guy who banged Deena!

Gnarly!

 Props to the dude who photobombed this shit.  Have another Sambuca, man lol...

Ooooh!  Mama and papa meatball!  My mother would also be so proud!  Jersey turnpike FOREVER mommy!!!

Title Image Via www.hauteliving.com
Post Images Via www.twitter.com

The Jersey Shore Whores Minus Their Make-Up - PICS

Ah!  The Jersey Shore!  Home of boardwalks, bitches and boozing - more infamously the summer home of Snooki and her DTF crew.  Check out these pics of the most famous guidettes in the world sans that godawful drag queen make-up they slather their mugs with.

Peep this >

First up, we have JWoww and her huge breasts (not pictured.)  Miss Farley has my fave personality however is surprisingly not the hottest without her make-up.  She's rockin' a bit of a Joker-look...not so sure what that's all about...  Scoreboard Sezzz - 6/10!

Now we have Other Snooki aka Deena Cortese.  This disgusting half of that disgusting Team Meatball (seriously ladies, I'll admit it's pretty funny but makes chicks look just sooo bad!) is all about altering her looks with shit.  Extensions, contacts, eyelashes - homegirl is all sorts of fake when she's dancing her panties off.  She looks A LOT better without make-up - Scoreboard Sezzz - 8/10!

Ah!  The boring one...I don't even think that I've heard her speak this season when she wasn't in interview.  Don't matter - she never really said anything too interesting when she did speak.  Remember this shit?  >  RAHNNN!  YER TORTURIN' MAAEEE!  RAHN - STOPPP, RAHN!  Ugh!  That's enough outta you, Sammi!  Anyways, chick looks way better without make-up - holy freakin' supermodel!  Damn!  Scoreboard Sezzz - 10/10   

And finally, Snooki without her face on is cuuutteee!  I don't know who the asshat is who told her she looks better with all that crap on her face is but they are a blind ass idiot!  Snooks should rock this look way more often...She's all, No big deal, just puckering up looking like Nicole Scherzinger up in this bitch.  WERK!  Scoreboard Sezzz > 10/10  

Title Image Via www.newyorkmag.com
Post Images Via www.toofab.com

Jersey Shore S5 Update - Vinny Leaves and We Meet "The Unit"

It's Jerzday, bitches!!!

In honor of the new season starting, let's take a look at some of the more interesting gossip that's surfaced about the new season airing tonight at 10pm EST.

First off, Snooki is no longer a meatball.  Oh yes, she's totally skinny now and doesn't look like she ate JWoww anymore.  She credits it to working out but the 'bloids have posted a few diet pill stories in the past that sound way more plausible than her hittin' the gym.  She looks good though - Other Snooki (Deena) is sadly still a pig though.  Avert your eyes...she's...horrible!

Some douchebag who calls himself The Unit will be introduced as a "character" (I doubt a main one though) this season.  (Editor's Note: LOL - "Unit" - so stupid.)  He's the Situation's brah so I'm thinking this is obvi a side dish to the Snooki-sucked-theSituation's-dick storyline which is such a dumbass storyline!  Who the fuck cares if she sucked him off???  That's what Snooki does!  Loses and gains weight randomly and sucks guys off.  Fuck!  Is the Situation new?

Movin' on...

Now this one is the interesting one IMO.  According to Snooki (when she was last on The Tonight Show) Vinny Guadagnino leaves at some point in season 5.  Snooks says, "...the hustle and bustle of fast-paced reality TV life catches up to him."

What does that mean???  I watch this shit ALL the time and no one seems to be movin' too fast.  I'm surprised they can walk half the time! 

Vinny (when he was on Kimmel) said, "It got real for me for a little bit and I had to take care of myself...But you'll see -- a good thing ends up coming out of it." 

Stay strong, Vinny!  You and JWoww seem to be the only two with more than half a brain.  Other than that...

Bring on the motherfucking UNIT!

(PS - I live tweet the show EST every week unless I'm hungover to shit.  Check me out at @bungledbotched.) 

Image Via www.tvguide.com