Duchess Kate and Prince William Had a Royal Baby Boy

Boom!  Royal baby in da howssssse!

The world (and by the world I mean the media) has been waiting with bated breathe for the Duchess of Cambridge to pop out her royal heir and today is the day!  At 4:24 PM she gave birth to a son, weighing 8 lbs. 6 oz. at the same hospital William and super-bangable Harry were born.  The name is yet to be announced.

I knew it was gonna be a boy!  Damn me and my cheapo weapo hesitance to participate in pools!

William was with her but the rest of the family was AWOL.  I kept watching stupid CNN to see if Prince Harry's fine ass would show up from base but what with his new responsibilities as an apache helicopter commander he prob couldn't get away.

Editor's Note:  That sexy bitch can command my apache ANY DAY!  Am I right, ladies? ;)

The baby is now third in line for the throne which bumps Prince Wannabang Harry down to fourth but I don't think he's really into all that pomp and circumstance anyway.

Obligatory NEKKID Harry photoooooo...

But enough about my horniness!  This day isn't about THAT!  Congrats to the couple!  Amped everything went all right.

All the best!

Title Image Via www.usweekly.com
Post Image Via www.tmz.com

Kate Middleton's Nurse Commits Suicide After Radio Hoax

This is sad...my ma was a nurse, they work HARD for long hours!    

TMZ is reporting that the two Aussie DJs, Mel Greig and Michael Christian, who pulled the phone prank on the hospital where the Duchess of Cambridge was staying have gone silent and "suspended themselves" after the nurse they fooled committed suicide.

The DJs had tricked nurse Jacintha Saldanha into connecting them to people treating Middleton by pretending to be Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth...those people then unintentionally spoke about Kate's condition on air. 

Jacintha's body was discovered this morning and is being called an "obvious suicide."

The CEO says the DJs "are both deeply shocked over the tragedy" and released this statement:

"SCA and 2Day FM are deeply saddened by the tragic news of the death of nurse Jacintha Saldanha from King Edward VII's Hospital...SCA and the hosts have decided that they will not return to their radio show until further notice out of respect for what can only be described as a tragedy."

Kate and Wills said via their rep that they are "deeply saddened" by the news and that "their thoughts and prayers are with Jacintha Saldanha's family, friends and colleagues at this very sad time."

The radio station has been in trouble in the past - the Kyle and Jackie O Show had previously pushed a 14 year old girl to admit that she was raped on air - and has advised the two DJs not to speak to the media.

RIP Jacintha Saldanha.  Very sad that it went down like this...

Image Via www.twisted-news.com

Kate Middleton Is Royally Knocked Up

Blimey!  Everyone is losing their shit over THIS one!

Prince William and Pippa's ass's sister are with child!  A new royal is imminent, ya monarchy-lovin' bitches!  Start the baby pools!

Evidently, the palace wasn't going to announce that William's royal penis had impregnated the dainty Duchess  but what with the world being one big fucking TABLOID nothing can happen without being sullied by the hand of modern man and his ferocious appetite for gossip.

Y'all assholes ruin everything... ;)

When Kate couldn't stop blowing mad crumpet chunks she was admitted to King Edward VII hospital - once news hit that she was in the hospital - the pregnancy was announced.  She is still in the early stages...

Congrats!  Now just send that sexy bitch Harry over to Canada...I would very much like to play strip billiards with him.

Boom!  He is sooooo the best Prince EVER!

Image Via www.eonline.com
Image Via www.tmz.com

Dreams CAN Come True! Prince Harry Parties NEKKID in Vegas!

Omigod!  Omigod!  Omigod!

PRINCE WANNABANG IS NAKED!

While partying in Vegas Friday night, Prince Harry played a game of strip pool with a bunch of his buddies and luckily for us it looks like he lost!!!

Sweet, sweet losing... 

TMZ says > "We're told Harry, along with a large entourage, went down to the hotel bar and met a bunch of hot chicks ... and invited them up to his VIP suite...Once in the room, things got WILD ... with the group playing a game of strip pool that quickly escalated into full-on royal nudity.  Some of the partiers snapped photos of the madness. In one photo, a fully nude Harry cups his genitals while a seemingly topless woman stands behind him.  In another photo, a naked Harry is bear-hugging a woman who appears to be completely naked as well."  (It kind of looks like he's giving her a Royal butt-plug in the second one...just sayin'.) 

WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN IN VEGAS ON FRIDAY?  I want a sexy, royal bear hug!!!  

The Royal Family isn't commenting on the photos because obvi they can't handle their awesomeness, but who cares what the hell they have to say?  

Sexy, royal bear hugs for everyone!!!  

Title Image Via www.walesonline.co.uk

Post Images Via www.tmz.com

Karl Lagerfeld Doesn't Like Pippa Middleton's Face

Uncle Karl is one sassy bitch!

The Chanel pimp is pretty famous for saying crazy shit about anyone and everybody (remember when he called Adele fat? Ack!) so this is more of a yawn than a gasp but I am a royals junkie so I like to write about how boss I think the Duchess of Cambridge is and how one day I hope to marry (or just bang, I can just bang him if it's easier...) Prince Harry.

So when I read about Karl getting all Bitch, you ain't my baby's daddy on Pippa Middleton for no apparent reason, I thought aw heeeell naw!

Uncle Karl said, "I don't like [Pippa's] face. She should only show her back."

Granted her ass is spectacular but who's this guy to talk?  He makes some sick clothes but he's noooo Prince Wannabang Harry!

Now I don't know much, but I do fucking know that!

Go make fun of Lindsay or something dude...

Image Via www.news.yahoo.com

Ginger Alert! This Pop Star Trick Might Be Trying to Bang Prince Harry!

Not on my watch, fuck you very much!

Ugh, this stupid girl is allegedly trying to bang Prince Harry and steal the princess crown that is rightfully mine!

It's totally sick and twisted...

Her name is Mollie King and she sings for a UK band called The Saturdays which appears to be some sort of shitty Pussycat Dolls sort of thing...BOOOOO!  The two have been friends for about two years, hang out mostly in a group and like to go to karaoke and hit the pubs.  Sources say that they are trying to keep the "budding romance" under wraps...for now.

Ugh, just look at her!  Totally rocking those fabu trend-of-the-moment red jeans and being all hot and supersexy...Whore.

I hate her.

I hate her soooo much.

Title Image Via www.hollyscoop.com
Post Image Via www.thedailymail.co.uk

Video of the Day! Prince Harry Wannabang Dancing in Jamaica

Love me some Prince Harry!

The most bangable prince in all the land is in Jamaica and while attending the Diamond Jubilee Tour (I like that word - Jubilee.  I am officially now pro-jubilee and will try to work it into my daily vernacular.)  Anyways, he was at the jubilee and while at the jubilee (see what I did there?) he got up to bust a sexy hot ginge move.

It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.



Man!  I would do nasty, nasty things to him.  Rawr!

JUBILEE!

Image Via www.seattlepi.com

Are Chelsy Davy and Prince "WannaBang" Harry Back On?

Awww!  I hope not (insert frowny sad kitty face).

You know, I don't ask for much, man.  All I friggin' want is chinese food every now and then, Vodka crans on constant standby in the goddamn fridge and for Prince Harry to be single for the rest of his life (or to marry me, but I'm trying to be more realistic in my every day life - it's like Peter Pan shit all up in this head!)

Well, it appears that the latter of my wishes is in danger of being squashed by blonde party girl Chelsy Davy and her allegedly awesome vagina!  Damn her AND her closer proximity to mah boo! 

Now, I gotta admit, I don't mind Chelsy.  She's one part Lindsay Lohan, one part Pippa Middleton with a whole lot of hot mess mixed in.  She looks like someone I would hang with - but not if she's with Prince WannaBang - No, no!  You can't have both, Chelsy!  It's me or him!

See, I'm getting worked up because after Prince SoFuckingHot was in the States doing some sexy helicopter training or something, he headed back home...where he ran into his old piece of ass Chelsy at da club...I mean da Pub.  How convenient for Chelsy!

Now since the unexpected rendezvous, royal watchers are SURE that the prince will get back together with his ex and make her his boozy princess (a job I would be SOOO good at.)

Rubbish!  I'm going to sit here, fingers crossed, just hoping to all that is right that this is NOT TRUE!  Hell, I'm gonna cross mah baby kitty's wittle fingers too!  Just to make damn sure! 

UPDATE:  My cat, The Judge, does not like it when people try to cross his "wittle" fingers.  Please refrain from touching The Judge's hands when you see him.  We thank you in advance for your co-operation. 

Image Via www.posh24.com

Barbara Walter's 10 Most Fascinating People are Not So Fascinating ...

Oh BabaWawa!  You crazy bitch!  Just makin' up lists and tellin' us who to be fascinated by each year!  I love it, girl - Don't ever change!

The list for Miss I am The View's most fascinating people 2011 has leaked out like a bad anal sore and shit is not cute.  Lemme give you a rundown...bitchy drunk blogger style!

Of course, we have the eldest KarTrashians (see what I did there?) because nobody can fucking do anything anymore without mentioning these hobags...Yes, all three of the non-Jenner spermed ones will be in the house...Queen of the fake marriages Kim will be there with her knocked up sister Kourtney and that beast Khloe taking up 3 whole spots on the list!  So far Babs, not so fascinated...

Simon Cowell is on the upcoming special and okay, I can get down with some Simon...He's a feisty bitch, eh?  I like it...I like it a lot.  (I will never forgive you for Susan Boyle though, you cunt.  Know that.)

Katy Perry is the next most non-fascinating fascinating person and I'm just going to say it - BEARD!!!  I'd rather watch her gay husband than her...at least he's funny...but aye, I don't make the lists, I just make fun of them.

Next up we have PIPPA!!!  PIPPA FUCKING MIDDLETON!!!  I am so fascinated by the fact that her ass has it's own twitter...wait, what else did she do?  You guys don't know either?  Whatever!  PIPPA!!!   

Modern Family stars Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson will make an appearance but since that show is not on Bravo I don't watch it and I have no idea who those people are...

PIPPA!!!

Donald Trump is on the list this year which is a little sketchfest because he has gone all birther-crazy from drinking the fucking Kool-Aid, but he's a good buddy of Bab's so apparently that gives him license to be both fascinating and an asshole. 

Last but not least we have New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter and his fine ass!  Hell-oooo!  No talking, just take your shirt off thankyouverymuch.  That's all we want.  Show us your tits!

I'm so fascinated right now.

Image Via www.jezebel.com

Pippa Middleton's Beautiful Ass is Single...

...But it better not be ready to mingle with Prince Hot Ginge!

For realz.  I'll cut a bitch.

Pippa and her perfect behind are back on the market after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend, Alex Loudon.  They had apparently been arguing a lot - though I don't see what they have to argue about - She's known as Her Royal Hotness (which is an awesome title) and all he does is play cricket all day.

One of the times they were broken up (last summer) she DID date the dude whose fam owns the Harry Potter castle or something, so maybe they fought about him.  Anywho, in other speculation, dnaindia.com is reporting that he and his stuffy ass parents didn't think she was "wife material."

Ouch.

(But seriously bitch - Stay away from Prince Harry.) 

Image Via www.latestfashionstrends.com

Sexy Prince Harry Helps Out Random Woman at Pool

Drool!

Prince Harry, the sexiest bitch to come out of the UK since David Beckham, helped out some dumb chick who got thrown into a pool fully clothed at a hotel in San Diego.  

She swoons, "Prince Harry was the first to notice me when I got out and he wrapped his towel around me to keep me warm. It was such a gentlemanly thing to do. He is probably the most charming man I'll ever meet."

Bitch, I'll cut you.

Harry's such a super sexy stud that he let the girl keep the towel and the next night he and the chums met up with her and her hos and they hit the town for "beer and shots." 

He most likely banged her later that evening...

Lucky bitch.

Image Via www.aolnews.com

Kelly Osbourne Calls XTina a Cunt and Puts Kate Middleton on Blast

Sup Kelly Osbourne's newly skinny ass lately???  She's spreading the hate around like a Real Housewife of New York!

First she got on Christina Aguilera on The Fashion Police saying, "Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don't know. She was a cunt to me. And she bought my house!"  (Not her house - her rich daddy's house - the one from the show.)  She went on to say, "She called me fat for so many fucking years...So you know what? Fuck you! You're fat too."  Yikes!  If that ain't the fat kettle calling the fat pot fat!  Sounds like someone has some issues with herself.  The feud was actually started by Kelly (when she was a fat cow mind you) way back in 2003, when Kelly publicly announced that the singer’s Christmas album made her want to stab herself.  I couldn't find any sort of garbage about Xtina calling her fat but who knows - weird thing is Kelly has come out before crying about people making fun of fatties - She told Us Weekly a whiles back that, "I took more hell for being fat than I did for being an absolute raging drug addict. I will never understand that."  I guess now that Obsourne has lost almost 50 pounds she's starting to understand.  Moving on...  

On Leno Miss Osbourne showed up looking like a jacked up Marilyn Monroe wannabe and took some shots at the lovely Kate Middleton too (for those who don't know Kate she's Pippa Middleton's sister - and it's ALL about Pippa.)  She said, "If had had that job I would only wear it once. If I am going to be the future bloody Queen of England I'm going to wear that dress once because I'm giving up the rest of my life, all of my privacy. At least I can get a new dress every day!"  Um yeah, sooo...that's stupid!  You know, for those of us who didn't grow up in a haunted mansion with Ozzy fucking Osbourne footing the bill, we don't really see the point in spoiled celebrities and pretentious royals thinking that the most important thing in the world is a new dress.  Kelly also said that she'd also get new gitches everyday if she were Duchess. "Well, if I could, I would.  That's a really good idea, actually."  Though I'm tempted I'm not going to make any smelly vadge jokes here but I could - know that.

So anyways, the whole thing is lame and Kelly sucks balls etc. etc. etc.

Hear that Kelly?  LAME!  Madonna should fire your ass for being so lame and buggering up her Material Girl line with your lameness!  

And before you mofos start writing me comments and emails about being anti-fat, it's just shits and gigs people - I don't really think either one is fat - however I do really think that chicks are unapologetic BITCHES to each other.

Image Via www.four.co.nz

Pippa's Ass Gets a Web Series

Because nowadays it's ALL about Pippa's ass!  It's the Angelina Jolie of asses...blindingly perfect yet mysterious in its beauty and allure.

There are Pippa's Ass Twitter pages, Facebook pages...I was watching one of those dumb entertainment shows and they were teaching moves on how to get Pippa's ass...it's everywhere!  There was even an artist who made a 15,000 crumpet portrait of the ass taking 24 hours of work and over a dozen helpers.  This shit is getting out of hand!

Well, now there is going to be a Web Series developed around Pippa's butt that will center around ass-centric exercises.  Alison Jackson says, "I have created a weekly series for my website called 'How To Create The Perfect Pippa Bottom.'  We will be putting her [Jackson's] bottom through various exercises – pilates, squats and leg raises, to show the world how to achieve a Pippa-perfect posterior."

Is this really what the world needs?  And poor Lindsay Lohan, right?  How much does it suck that Pippa's ass is more famous than she is now?  I bet it sucks really hard!

Image Via www.okmagazine.com  

Prince Hot Ginge and Pippa Middleton in Love???

That's what that damn rag UsWeekly has on its cover.

It was only a matter of time until, after the Royal wedding, we would allege that sexy bad boy Prince Harry and Pippa and her world class ass were going to unite in a shitstorm of royal hotness.  And wait no more, that time has come!

The story is supposedly about their relationship with Us Magazine reporting, "During the wedding planning, Pippa and Harry met up several times to coordinate plans for the evening reception.  They always got along well, and Pippa enjoys Harry’s sense of humor — she thinks he is funny, laughing at his silly jokes." 

The "source" also added that, "while they are close in the sense that they are brother- and sister-in-law, they’re not hanging out like friends."  Pfft - Rag!  Filthy rag!!!  If anyone's marrying that hot ginge ass it's going to BE ME!

Now, it's not totally out in left field, if I believed in unicorns and Keebler elves making cookies in a GD tree and shit, I would be more inclined to believe this whole HOLYSHITPippaandHarryareBANGING! thing but, I grew up, man.  I grew up...

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

Kate and Wills Tie the Knot!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge...

 The world watched with baited breath as Catherine and Wills got hitched at Westminster Abbey today.

I was busy checkin' out David Beckham and Prince Harry so I missed a bit of the nuptials but I got the gist of it...

Kate wore a Sarah Burton designed dress and looked like Grace Kelly straight outta her Monaco wedding which is a compliment and a half!  Girl was looking amazing.  She wore a tiara and a veil covered her face as she walked down the long aisle to meet her Prince.

William wore his military Irish Guard uniform and smiled and chatted to Kate throughout the ceremony.

I wasn't even going to watch but who doesn't want to see history in the making, right?  And it was basically the only thing on at 6am in the morning besides reruns of Joey, which by the way, should NEVER have been cancelled!  But I gotta admit - I got goosebumps as they read their vows.

Congratulations to the happy couple! 

Image Via www.1019litefm.radio.com

The Royal Wedding - LegoLand Style!

Wanna see something awesome?  And by awesome I mean in a 12-year-old-thinking-something-is-supercool-sort-of-way?

Check out this amazing video of the Royal Wedding done entirely in Legos!  How effin crazy is that?  The whole shebang took 30 hours to create and required over 10,000 bricks.  Buckingham Palace itself, which was made beforehand (probably to ensure the little elves hands didn't get tired), took over 550 hours to assemble and 160,000 bricks to do the job.

They even have the damn Corgis in there!

Take a looky loo at the magic of Lego and marvel at one of the biggest wastes of time ever here.

Image Via www.wired.com

Kate Middleton + A Jelly Bean = A Kate Middleton Jelly Bean!

Well let's just all piss ourselves right now why don't we?  Please.

The stupid random jelly bean was found by Wesley Hosie, 25 of Somerset when he was getting his eat on with a jar of jelly beans. He says that he recognized Kate's face in the jelly bean almost immediately. 

Harumph!  What?  Who looks at their jelly beans that closely and who the eff recognizes dots and patterns on them that slightly resemble people? (and it wasn't even one of those bigass gross jelly beans either, it was one of those cutesy little flavored ones).  Anyways, sick people!  That's who. 

Possibly in a bid to cash in on the circus that is the upcoming royal wedding, Wesley is putting the jelly bean up on eBay for £500- yeah, well shit in one hand and hope in the other Wes.  I bet I could tell you which hand fills up first.

Image Via www.abcnews.go.com
Copyright SWNS/Getty Images 

Are They Testing Kate To Ensure Her Virginity Diana-Style?

That is the question!  And I'm pretty sure the answer is not effin' likely!

Back in the day, before Britney shaved her head and Michael Lohan made out with Kim G, princesses-to-be were checked out by a gyno to see if they were pure ass virgins.  Diana and many before her went through the royal gyno exam - as the monarchy wanted to make sure that they were both "pure" and not knocked up by some mouth breathing commoner before marriage (because that would bung up the royal bloodline) - but will Kate?

"I think one has to assume that she is not going to get such an exam," says Martin Bashir, an expert on all things royal (not to mention the guy who made that rippin' MJ doc where he admitted to sleeping - just sleeping mind you - with little boys.) 

Because Kate is "...spending most of her time living with her partner" making it "...not exactly the kind of relationship that naturally lends itself to chastity."  (And because it's not the fucking dark ages.)  It's damn unlikely.  In 2011, we don't force women to do things like this.  It's just bad form.

Also, this isn't a typical royal wedding...Kate was not hand-picked to marry her prince by the family nor is their love questionable and marred with other women and/or men.  They've been together roughly eight years and have lived together for several months.

At this point the only thing a virginity test would prove, is that Prince Willi hasn't ever gotten laid.  And who wants to know that?

Image Via www.smh.com.au

Wanna Buy the Queen's Old, Dirty Panties?

Hell no!  It's not even like they're nice, pretty Princess Di-ish panties either - they're bigass, stained granny panties!  Yuck!

But apparently, some sickies may want to so to the auction block they go!

The estate of the late "Baron" Joseph de Bicske Dobronyi  (who got the panties after the Queen left them on a plane in 1968) is negotiating a deal with Hansons Auctioneers and Valuers who want to buy the used gitches and auction them off.  Lol - why the Hell did she leave her panties on a plane???  Is the Queen a card-carrying member of the Mile High Club or what?

Anyways, the dude in charge of brokering the deal for Hansons, a Mr. Hanson himself, is saying that "Out of respect and courtesy for a person of such dignity and rank," he doesn't want the deal to go down until after the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.  He's already waited about a year so why not wait until the after the wedding so he can fetch more for the royal rompers? 

Maybe out of "respect and courtesy" you shouldn't be selling the old, dirty, disgusting panties in the first place so some British asshole can get his rocks off sniffin' em!  God, people are so sick! 

Image Via www.tmz.com

Barbara Walters Most Fascinating People are Especially Lame this Year

Babawawa knows what's interesting - that is if you're older than dirt and asking incompetent interns to let you know who they find fascinating.

The entire list hasn't been released but the names that have are:

Justin Bieber  - Pop singer and he who whips his hair and makes girls cry with gleeful delight
Jennifer Lopez - Entrepreneur and big-ass beauty - Is it 2001 again or what?
Sarah Palin - Former sheisty Governor of Alaska, Levi hater and comedic punchline
LeBron James - Basketball player and guy who pissed everyone off by choosing to play with the Miami Heat
Sandra Bullock - Oscar winning Actress, Jesse "dirtball" James ex-wife and foe to Nazi-loving Michelle "Bombshell" McGee
Kate Middleton - Fiance of Prince William (the less hot son of Charles and Di)
Betty White - Last Golden Girl alive and comedy genius
The Cast of Jersey Shore - Random dumbasses from Jersey who became rich and famous for getting hammered and banging chicks on reality TV

The final two are God knows who - I'm thinking Oprah and maybe a trainwreck celeb like Charlie "Teflon" Sheen, Lindsay or maybe stupid Lady Gaga (who will probably wear a dress made of orphans or something because she's so artistic - barf!).

Meh - judging by the list thus far I won't be watching.