Gorgeous George Clooney and That Wrestler Broke Up

There is nothing sadder than the end of the random love between a movie star and a wrestler...

Pffft.  Yeah right.

Sources (and by sources I mean the stupid internet) are saying that Booker from Roseanne and Hot Chyna broke up a few weeks ago but kept quiet about it because they didn't want everyone all up in their tear flavored Kool Aid or some such nonsense.

It's being said that Keibler broke up with his fine ass because he wouldn't knock her up with his sexy million dollar sperm.

I, for one, am SHOCKED!  SHOCKED that a man who is known for being anti-hubby/anti-babydaddy didn't want to get married and have kids!

Again...Pffft.  PFFF-FUCKING-FFFT!

NEXT!

Image Via www.lifeandstylemag.com

Angelina's Right Leg, J. Lo's Nipple and a Wrestler Playing Dress Up - It's The Oscars, Bitches!!!

Okay, so this is a few days late, but if y'all follow me on twitter (as you should) you would know that I got two new Sims games that have taken over my life...seriously, haven't slept in days...

So tired...

Anywho, I was in and out of consciousness watching Billy Crystal host the shit outta the Oscars like it was 1999, hoping to hell that gorgeous George's pants would "malfunction" (you guys notice it's only chicks who get these wardrobe malfunctions?  BS!  I want to see Clooney PEEEENNNN!!!!) but all I got was a whole lotta boring!

In my estimation the most laughable and memorable moments were given generously by presenters and guests.  Ryan Seacrest started his night on the red carpet by getting the faux Bisquit "ashes" of Kim Jong-Il poured onto his feminine behind by Borat in a promotional stunt for his new flick The Dictator.  They'll be talking about it for years which is like Seacrest crack!  He loves the spotlight and now he's a part of Oscar history!  He held it together basically just having a professional boner in front of everyone and changing his Burberry jacket.  Borat was escorted out.

Everyone was losing their shit over Stacy Kiebler on the carpet...I kept yelling at my TV that "There's a wrestler trying to sneak into the Oscars!" but no one would heed my warnings!  They kept pretending it was okay that a wrestler was at the Oscars!  It was awkward - like when I accidentally touched my cat's butt and wouldn't make eye contact for days...well, not really like that, but my life is very different from that of a Clooney ho - so I make adjustments to my metaphors...Sick Marchesa dress though - SICK!    

Image Via www.instyle.com

J. Lo and Cameron Diaz took the stage and showed their million dollar asses off before turning about face and giving me an eyeful of Lopez nipple...yawn!  The boob's been done, J. Lo!  So played out!!!  Her PR team is lying and saying that it's a shadow, but I know me a nipple when I see me a nipple and that shit was a nipple!!!  Or a nipple shaped shadow ;).  And not to be a major bitch here - but did Gigli win an Oscar for shittiest movie and I missed it???  Why is there a singer there???  Just sing Jenny From the Block to all of us already and go on about your bizness, woman!  NEXT!

Image Via www.onyxbook.com

Saint Angelina Jolie of Pittopia pulled some weird stunt queen shit on stage (and all the way down the red carpet) when she went to present posing like she was goddamn Christy Turlington or something!  It was a total Snooki/CourtneyStodden thing to do and Ang is NO Snooki/CourtneyStodden so when she did it, it just seemed really, really stupid.  (She even re-adjusted her stunt queen pose when her leg wasn't sexy enough for her liking!)  Twitter blew up, everyone made fun of her and it now seems jamming your leg out awkwardly has become something of the new Tebowing or Planking - Also, her skinny, pale gam now has a twitter page called Angelina's Right Leg if you're one of those jerks on twitter who follows trend accounts in lieu of funny, blogger's accounts that are AWESOME!  (Editor's Note:  Follow me on Twitter at @BungledBotched!)

Oh and for those of you interested in the actual awards, Meryl Streep took - nay STOLE - top actress from Jen Lindley of Dawson's Creek (on Cosmo channel everyday still at four BTW.)  The french dude who said two words in The Artist won best actor and his movie took top spot as best movie.

Then I fell back asleep...

...Nipple shadow - pfft!  Gimme a break!

Image Via www.gossipwhyfame.com

Dancing With The Stars 2011 (The Part Where I Make Fun of the Cast)

No Kate Gosselin isn't on it again - but this pic is FUCKING priceless!

All right - Dancing with the Stars revealed it's new cast this morning but I was hungover to SHIT so I didn't post it yet.  Thank god for AC Slater on Extra for reminding me!  Mad props Slater!  On another note, way to help save Jesse Spano from herself when she was all hopped up on those heroine-type coffee pills - that was some good shit buddy!

Anyways, I ate a whack of bacon and feel a bit better so here comes the list!

Chynna Phillips will be dancing.  She was in the 90s supergroup Wilson Phillips who fucking RULED when I was a kid and got me through my tween years much like I imagine Bieber gets these new, supertweens through theirs.  I'm sure she's done something since that and I think she married a Baldwin (Billy Baldwin - FYI for those of you too young to be on my blog is Serena van der Woodsen's dad!!!  So OMG and all that) but who cares!!!  Wilson Phillips!!!   

Ron Artest is also on the roster, I don't know who the hell that is but apparently he is a Lakers player who also raps and is known for his "sometimes eccentric, outspoken behavior."  Don't really care about him...NEXT!     

Ah!  Now we have Elisabetta Canalis - she dated George Clooney's fine ass for 2 years and I've read in a few shitmags that she is all Fatal Attraction on him now - minus the boiled rabbit - sending him care packages with Italian food and tittay pics in them or something.  I'm pretty stumped as to what she does now besides wear a wedding dress around her house and try to catch her own bouquet.  But I do know that bitch needs to stop ridin' George Clooney's tail!  He's certainly stopped ridin' hers!  (Oh snap!  Buuurn!  See what I did there?)

Included this season as well are J.R. Martinez, a soldier who had 40% of his body burned in Iraq (he now acts on the soap All My Children), Carson Kressley, the fashion expert on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, soccer star Hope Solo and Chaz Bono of Sonny and Cher Bono (though he used to be named Chastity.)

Kristin Cavallari also joins this season and I LOVE HER!  Most well-known for being on Laguna Beach bitchfighting LC over Stee-Faaan she was also the star of The Hills in it's final season.  And hey, she got to bang Brody so...THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

Next we have professional loud-mouth asshole, Nancy Grace.  She will probably sue me and/or yap aggressively in my face about trash talking but I am willing to take that chance!  If any of you guys see her around do me a favor and kick her in the crotch for me!  Ugh!  Just sooo UGH!!!

Rob Kardashian, the one that doesn't make mommy dearest any cash, is dancing this season as well and will most likely spend most of his time name dropping his sisters...Oh and get this shit!  I was watching one of those crappy entertainment shows and on it he said his mom made him do it!  What a d-bag!

Ricki Lake is a contender for the disco ball trophy and if you don't know who she is you need to stop reading this and go watch the original Hairspray IMMEDIATELY!  She was also the host of her own talk show for over a decade and I, amongst MANY others, took much joy and delight in repeating the words Go Ricki over and over again.  Her show was also the first place (on film anyway) to use terms like, Don't go there! and Talk to the hand because the face don't want to hear it!  Classic shit!

And the one who's going to win last one is David Arquette.  He's obvi an actor (Hello!  Never Been Kissed lol) and was also Courtney Cox' piece for about a decade.  Arquette, to me, is better than all this fuckery but whatevs...if he wants to dance, let the bastard DANCE!!!  He's a pretty fun dude and should be good for a few zany clips.

That's it, that's all.  Don't expect to see to much on here about DWTS unless the show shits out some mad celeb scandal because frankly, I think that this sort of show is what the french call, les crappe.

Image Via www.examiner.com

Why You Will Never Marry George Clooney

If you're one of those bitches who's all, 'Ooooh, George dumped Elisabetta and her perfect-Pippa-esque ass, so now I have a chance, albeit a small one, to become MRS. FUCKING CLOONEY!!!'

Think again...

Gorgeous George is evidently not down with the idea of losing ANY of his hard-earned $160 million fortune and it is one of the main reasons he will never marry again.  According to a source, the idea sickens him.

The ever-accurate Enquirer is reporting that:

"George Clooney never intended to marry Elisabetta Canalis, or any woman EVER because he’s too tight-fisted!  Revealed a close Clooney pal:  What terrifies George is losing any of his hard-earned fortune - estimated at $160 million! He’s extremely generous while he’s in a relationship, but the thought of losing even part of his fortune in a divorce settlement sickens him. George doesn’t even believe in prenups, because there’s usually a legal loophole. His ideal partner would be a woman who’s happy sharing his life without sharing her name on HIS bankbook."

So, this "close Clooney pal" seems to know what's up...maybe Elisabetta wasn't a cow who he dumped because she was a cuckoo for cocoa puffs broad who was smothering him to death with her neediness and marital pressures! 

Either way, I'd bang him for free.  I don't give a shit about money...I'm a lady!

Image Via www.blogs.villagevoice.com