Khloe Kartrashian and AC Slater are Gonna Host X Factor

Um, didn't this shit already start?  I remember watching the first ep a while ago cuz I thought Britney might flip her wig and start chuckin' Cheetos at people but I haven't seen it since then...can't remember if there was a host...

(Editor's Note: She never threw any Cheetos.)

Well now Khloe Kardashian (the large and in charge one) has signed on along with Mario Lopez (TWO HOSTS???) to helm the multi-million dollar Simon Cowell run karaoke-fest.

The two start hosting duties in November and stand to make millions from the deal.

Good luck and always remember...

(I don't know what that means but come on, THE MAX!  Priceless!)

Image Via www.igossip.com

Steven Tyler and J.Lo are Prob Quitting American Idol

Well, scratch that probably for Queen Aerosmith there, he claims he's already out.

Tyler released some weird ass statement saying something to the effect of AI being his mistress and how he wants to leave her before that bitch boils his rabbit. He also said something dumb about spending the next two years creating an "auditory takeover" with the other senior citizens in Aerosmith...

That's cute.

Now, don't get me wrong - I was a HUGE Aerosmith fan back in the day. I loved this man and his penchant for putting Alicia Silverstone in his vids before she started spitting in babies mouths...The band rocked! Then came American Idol...

Maybe it's not fair that I think the guy's yacht ship has sailed just from making one career mistake but in the world of rock - you don't sell out, you just don't. Frankly, it's offensive.

I have no idea what J. Lo's problem is save for the fact that she may just want more sexy times with her new piece, Casper. Last year she pulled a crazy power move, held out until the last minute and got $20 mill for one year of stuffing her ass into a bunch of trendy shit and sitting behind a can of coke.

Don't worry your cover-loving little heads though, useless supastar Randy Jackson is STILL in lol.

Image Via www.people.com

Simon Cowell is a Sex Masheeeen!

So says British boob implant enthusiast, Alicia Douvall, and she is yak, yak, yakking away to The Sun allll about it!

She says she was with Cowell for six months waaay back in 2001 - after just a few nights she gave up her golden ticket to the bitchy brit and it was ON like Donkey dick Kong!

Douvall says:

"On the third or fourth date we ended up doing it 11 times in one night...Every time we had sex would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be improvement next time."

Get the hell outta here, trashbag!  I don't believe that for a second...Booby McBigTits says that she was pissed after she was left out of his unauthorized biography, Sweet Revenge.  That's when she decided to "come forward" with the sexy, sexy truth!  

Guess she doesn't know that in this day and age being known for being a sex machine ain't such a bad thing.

Get the memo...

(Trashbag.)

Image Via www.radaronline.com

Barbara Walter's 10 Most Fascinating People are Not So Fascinating ...

Oh BabaWawa!  You crazy bitch!  Just makin' up lists and tellin' us who to be fascinated by each year!  I love it, girl - Don't ever change!

The list for Miss I am The View's most fascinating people 2011 has leaked out like a bad anal sore and shit is not cute.  Lemme give you a rundown...bitchy drunk blogger style!

Of course, we have the eldest KarTrashians (see what I did there?) because nobody can fucking do anything anymore without mentioning these hobags...Yes, all three of the non-Jenner spermed ones will be in the house...Queen of the fake marriages Kim will be there with her knocked up sister Kourtney and that beast Khloe taking up 3 whole spots on the list!  So far Babs, not so fascinated...

Simon Cowell is on the upcoming special and okay, I can get down with some Simon...He's a feisty bitch, eh?  I like it...I like it a lot.  (I will never forgive you for Susan Boyle though, you cunt.  Know that.)

Katy Perry is the next most non-fascinating fascinating person and I'm just going to say it - BEARD!!!  I'd rather watch her gay husband than her...at least he's funny...but aye, I don't make the lists, I just make fun of them.

Next up we have PIPPA!!!  PIPPA FUCKING MIDDLETON!!!  I am so fascinated by the fact that her ass has it's own twitter...wait, what else did she do?  You guys don't know either?  Whatever!  PIPPA!!!   

Modern Family stars Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson will make an appearance but since that show is not on Bravo I don't watch it and I have no idea who those people are...

PIPPA!!!

Donald Trump is on the list this year which is a little sketchfest because he has gone all birther-crazy from drinking the fucking Kool-Aid, but he's a good buddy of Bab's so apparently that gives him license to be both fascinating and an asshole. 

Last but not least we have New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter and his fine ass!  Hell-oooo!  No talking, just take your shirt off thankyouverymuch.  That's all we want.  Show us your tits!

I'm so fascinated right now.

Image Via www.jezebel.com

Simon Cowell Makes Kid Cry on X Factor (But Don't Feel Bad The Kid Deserved It) VIDEO

I don't watch The X Factor (shows with singing = LAME) so I don't know if this kid is really all that but HE certainly seems to think he is...

His name is Astro, he's 15 and he's an MC from Brooklyn which I'll admit is pretty badass but kid's got an ego the size of Jay-Z already...and folks, that's how Chris Brown's are made...

But enough backstory - 

Astro and his huge ego took the stage in the bottom two last night and Astro's bruised ego was pissed!  It lashed out in a fury of punk ass attitude complete with folded angry man arms...But don't worry, Simon played daddy and schooled the kid about being disrespectful...

Check out the video:



Image Via www.screenrant.com