Happy Halloween! Check Out What Some Celebs and Reality Stars Wore ...

Happy Halloween!

Here's a few of the celebrity costumes that hit the town last weekend while I was at a party, not dressed up and pouring a drink in my lap (freakin' Vodka! Sorry Julie!)

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Former Real Housewife of New York Alex McCord with Simon VanKempen dressed as monsters with "chums" Johan and Francois.

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Beverly Hills Housewife and Frasier-hater Camille Grammer dressed as a pirate and spent the night with her kids Mason and Jude. 

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 Coco (T?) dressed as a...whore? Skank? I have no idea what this is but her ass is HUGE!

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Gwen Stefani took a break from being super fucking awesome and urban to dip her toe in the Disney pond and went as a princess.

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Heidi Klum went all out as usual!  She was at her own party dressed as a body (complete with intricate vein-work.)  It's always nice to see a hot chick NOT dressed up as a complete slore for Halloween.  Take note ladies - Halloween is supposed to be scary...And sexy nurses and half-nekkid kittens are NOT scary!

Image Via www.tmz.com

Oh snap!  Check out Arnold Jr. here!  Granted he's not a celeb, but Arnold's love-child with grandma Mildred Baena there sure is looking like the celeb who fathered him.  Barbarianism must run in the family...

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 JWoww and Roger looked pretty dope as gangstas at a weekend party, but judging by the people in the background, EVERYONE went as gangstas!  Cool points 10 Originality Points 0.

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Ahhh!  Kim K!  I could rip on this vapid porn-tape star for days!  I love to make fun of Kim!  She went as Poison Ivy (not the horny Drew Barrymore character but the one from Batman.)  I just want to throw this out there - Dear Kim, if you can name ONE other character from the Batman comics (not in one of the movies) I will never make fun of you again. Oh and PS - way to have a wedding and a divorce in less than three months, dumbass.  Really shows people you believe in the sanctity of marriage. 

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Kim Zolciak of Atlanta Housewives is looking good after poppin' out that kid, yo!  I'm not too sure what this costume is but I see the Svedka logo and vodka is my fave so 10 out of 10!  Everybody DRINK!

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Another Bev Hills Housewife stepped out in costume this weekend - Kyle Richards Umansky and Mauricio Umansky hit the town as a pair of sexy cops.  I'm sorry Kyle but Mauricio is mah boo!  Call me you sexy studmuffin you!  I'm on twitter!

Image Via www.rickey.org

Whoopsy!  How did this get in here?  This is pretty scary shit but it isn't Halloween for Linds.  Nope, just a Tuesday or something - lookin' a hot mess, waving her dirty hand around...  WASH YOUR HANDS, LINDSAY!

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Nicole Richie posted this pic to her twitter (which is actually fairly funny and entertaining).  Old school J. Lo complete with annoyingly matched Juicy track suit.

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Paris Hilton went out as She-Ra (who was the SHIT when I was a kid.)  She looked good but is still a has-been asshole.

Snooki!  RAWR!  Little meatball mofo!  Once I asked my man why guys want to bang sexy kitties so much?  He said, "They don't.  Chicks are stupid."  LOL - WORD!

Title Image Via www.pulpfactor.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger Makes Douchey Maria Shriver T-Shirt Joke

On Sunday, the Sperminator stepped out for a bike ride in a t-shirt emblazened with the words - I Survived Maria along with the dates they had been together and faster than you can say "It's not a TUMMMAAAHHH!" that shit went viral!

TMZ posted the pics and in Maria's defense, she didn't bang anyone to my knowledge and humiliate him- he's the villain in this movie.  But I gotta say, though it was a pretty dog move, I ain't hatin'!

Douchey - YES!
BIG PIMPIN' - DEFINITELY!

Oh Ahnold you Austrian fuck machine, you!  Such a badass!

Image Via www.tmz.com

Mildred Baena Finally Speaks! Plus a Pic of Arnold's Love Child!

Guatemalan homewrecker, Mildred Baena or as I like to call her Grandma Mildred, has broken her silence after vowing to not talk about those hot steamy nights with the Sperminator...

The highest bidder Hello Magazine scored the exclusive interview where the most famous ho in the world since Bombshell McGee said, "When his grandmother sat him down one year ago to explain that Arnold Schwarzenegger was his father, he exclaimed: "Cool!""

Duh - of course that's "cool" to a little boy - that's like sitting your kid down and going, "You are actually the son of Optimus Prime and someday will be able to turn into a Transformer!"  He'll likely shit his pants!

She also said that their love child Joseph "...is looking forward to building a relationship with the former Hollywood star."  And that it wasn't until her son started looking like Ah-nold that she clued in to her less-than-conventional baby daddy situation.  She said, "It was as Joseph grew and I started to see the resemblance that I wondered – but it became more apparent as time went on.  I knew Arnold was the father, and maybe as Joseph got older and began to look like him, he [Arnold] wondered. But he never said anything to me"

Yeah grandma Mildred, that's because it's usually best to keep your cheating trap shut when the maid you've been banging has a kid that shows up looking weirdly like you!  Arnold may be a little dozey but dumb he ain't!

Apparently Maria was on to the hobag too because, as Mildred says, "She [Maria] would say things like, “I’m here if you need to talk."  Until finally she "...asked point blank."   Awk-waaard!

Grandma Mildred goes on to say, "She [Maria] was so strong. She cried with me and told me to get off my knees. We held each other and I told her it wasn’t Arnie’s fault, that it takes two.  He’s a good man and I know he’s suffering too. He loves Maria. I hope with time they work things out."

Pfft!  Only thing worse than having your ahole hubby cheat on you is paying the chick who is having the affair with him her weekly salary!  I seriously doubt this shit went down with Maria the way Mildred is playing it out -

Brutal!  Go back to your hole grandma Mildred and please don't come crawling out of it for a while!

Image Via www.dlisted.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger - Unhappy Maria Didn't Put Out

Maria Medel, a former friend of grandma Mildred the mistress, has come forward with some supposed affair details she was told by the most famous other woman since Michelle Mcgee.

Says the backstabbing friend, "When I met Patty she had already been working for Arnold for several years. She had a minishrine to him in her house - his movie posters, pictures, newspaper clippings, action figures.  Patty said Arnold had been complaining that his marriage was sexless and Maria was never around, flying all over the world for her TV news job.  She said that one night after Arnold had been complaining about feeling lonely and unloved, he started drinking. After a few drinks, Arnold asked Patty to have a drink with him. One drink led to another, and then another. Patty said they started kissing and that led to their first sexual encounter. They had unprotected sex."

(Patty is grandma Mildred's middle name which apparently she goes by sometimes because her first name sucks old weightlifting balls.)

So here's my unsolicited opinion...why the hell wouldn't you talk to your wife about unhappiness instead of "having a drink" and banging the maid???  Like, come on, I can't be the only one who thinks that!

It's not like they were just married - they were together for decades!  25 years!  I'm only 30, so to me, that's a long ass fucking time!  I feel bad he wasn't getting laid but use your words dude, not your dick!  If this was my longtime husband I would've junkpunched him so hard he would've gone blind.

Image Via www.ohaqafaj.blogspot.com 

Maria Shriver Confronted Mildred Baena About The Love Child

After a decade-long cover up the nefarious way that Maria found out about Arnold's love baby with grandma Mildred was...wait for it...she asked the ho!

When she asked the former housekeeper if the kid was Arnold's, grandma Mildred broke down and confessed!

"I did it!" she screamed in fury.  "And I'd do it again!  He may have the smallest dick I have ever seen, but I wanted that Terminator money and a love child was the easiest way to get it!"

"You bitch!  I'm a goddamn Kennedy!" Maria screamed back.  "I could have you killed and no one would even know!"

(That's not really what happened but I imagine it would've been awkward as all hell anyway.)

Schwarzenegger only confessed after Maria went to him after talking to grandma Mildred.  And though other reports were saying that Arnold fired grandma Mildred recently, those seem to be premature.

RadarOnline is now citing a source as saying,  "She was upset with Arnold at the time and didn’t know what to do, she thought about going public, but it was a fleeting thought. Ultimately she didn’t want to hurt Arnold. But she also didn’t want her employment to end.  It was a difficult situation.”

Please!  A difficult situation is finding out your husband of 25 years slept with the maid, knocked her up and kept the kid a secret for a decade...that's a difficult situation!

So, STOP SLEEPING WITH MARRIED DUDES GRANDMA!

Image Via www.ruggedelegantliving.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger's Baby Mama Revealed!

And the homewrecking staffer at the center of a possible political power couple divorce is...

Mildred Baena!  Mildred!  The chick's name is Mildred (as in grandma Mildred!) and as you can see in the above pic she is um...quite busty?  Looks like she's a hardcore lay in the sack though.  Gross.  

So, grandma Mildred is 50-years-young and was mopping up shit on the bathroom floor one day in the 90s when Arnold put his unwrapped cigar in her grandma hole resulting in a son.  That's hot.

The Sperminator has supported the love child but, despite being worth $800 million himself, reports are saying that the baby mama is not so well off.  Yeesh, I hope he at least gave her some fat Christmas bonuses and hefty raises throughout her longtime employment.  I would've chucked her a mill or two if I were him but I'm a pretty cool chick.

Anyways, that's this morning's Schwarzenegger update - ugh, I gotta say, I'm getting awfully tired of having to type the name Schwarzenegger all the time.  It's a tough one!  Makes me long for the days of Tiger Woods' douchebaggery.

Image Via www.everyjoe.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger Had a Love Child With the Help!

I knew this shit was going to blow up like a chopper in Commando!  I was picturing a little more of a Tiger Woods situation, but it's early and this love child is all I got so far.

The LA Times has the reason for the seemingly out of nowhere split between the two famous politicos and it's a doozy!  Turns out Arnold stuck his penis in a "longtime member of their household staff" and impregnated her!

She had the kid about more than a decade ago and kept working for the family under a shroud of lies and Austrian betrayal...Brutal!  Of the situation Arnold says, "After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago.  I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.  I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time.  While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not. "

Maria said he can go fuck himself and die in a gutter by his horny self had no comment.

We all knew he was a stupid cheater who couldn't keep his dick in his pants but to knock up a chick who works for them and then have her continue to work there for another decade or so is bad form!  Not cool Terminator!  Not cool!

Image Via www.hahahaimontheinternet.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger To Maria Shriver - I'll Be Back

Maria!  His mighty heart is breaking!

After a somewhat shocking separation announcement it has come to light that the break up is a little more Maria than Arnie...and he's going to try to win her back!  Go Terminator!

Apparently, Maria was over Arnold sticking his dick in anything that moved and was also over being ignored!  The Terminator has vowed to change his ways though and he is already trying to curb his womanizing and absentee ways.

TMZ reports he has done a "180" and is going to try his best to woo her back.

Go on, Arnie!  Work that shit like the rent is due!  Get your girl back!

Image Via www.liquida.com

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver Are Dunzo!

Well, that's a little...shocking!

Seemingly out of nowhere, The Governator and his politically pedigreed wife of 25 years announced on Monday they are separating.

In a joint statement the couple said, "This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us.  After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together.  At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship.  We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment.  We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public."

Smells like divorce to me...practically reeks of it.  Frowny face.   

Image Via www.usatoday.com