Derek Zoolander and Hansel McDonald Walked the Valentino Runway in Paris

It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!

Team Mugato!

Really, really, ridiculously good looking Zoolander and Hansel got their male model back on appearing in the Valentino show during Paris fashion week.

Blue steel, bitches.

The non ambi-turner and his 'The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too' partner were an unexpected surprise at the show and for once no one is talking about a stupid Kardashian or a self-important rapper in regards to fashion so that in itself is pretty effing sweet.  

They can all dere-lick my balls!

That fine ass Jennifer Aniston banging Justin Theroux is co-writing and directing the upcoming sequel to Zoolander and told Vulture, "Yeah, we've got a script for the sequel, and we've just been in talks again...We're trying to sharpen it and hone it and, actually, I don't want to jinx anything, but it looks like it actually might be starting to get up and running."

If it is indeed what day I think it is that means that this should be in theatres in the next year or so...Unless anyone else dies in a freak gasoline fight accident that is.

Bitchin'.

Title Image Via www.rollingstone.com
Post Images Via www.dailymail.co.uk

Michelle Tanner Designed a $55K Bag With Pills on It

HA!  What a crock of shit fashion has become!

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have added a new bag to their pretentious clothing line The Row and shit is fuuuuugly as hell!

The backpack type bag (co-designed with Damien Hirst) costs 55,000 goddamn dollars, is made of nile crocodile and covered in prescription pill appliques.  He glued appliqued the pills on each one slightly differently so that doesn't matter at all...  

The website pooped this out of their keyboard >

"Damien Hirst / The Row - Multicolored Perscription Pills

Available for purchase from 12/12/12. Exclusive to Just One Eye and only one in a rare, limited edition of 12, this incredible piece features numerous multicolored prescription pill appliqués, specially created by Damien Hirst. This one-of-a-kind wearable art work features original art by Hirst, meticulously applied to front, back, and straps, of The Row's beautifully crafted backpack, the centerpiece design of their 2012 collection. Using traditional techniques, this stunning backpack was crafted in Italy and made with specially sourced materials. Created of black patent leather Nile crocodile, the backpack's many features include internal detachable handle, adjustable canvas straps, internal zip-fastening, slit pockets, and small gold-plated brass feet at base. Each backpack is fully lined in the highest quality leather and comes with metal mirror plate and case, as well as designer-stamped gold-plated brass hardware. Signed by Damien Hirst."

I wouldn't exactly say I "researched" this too much save for tearin' through a Gawker article so I'm not sure if the pills are real or not...If they are wouldn't gnarly druggie hobos be ripping them off people's bags - the glue's a bonus! - actually hobo schmobo, I grew up around a few Richie McLoopyLous and those guys can riiiip!  I don't know who's on what but I know it lasts from like brunch to last man standing!  And NO ONE can drink that much damn wine straight up!

Image Via www.justoneeye.com   

Kristen Stewart Got All 'SupNowBitches? at BD2 Premiere in a Nude Dress

Trampire alert!

Kristen Stewart showed up at last night's world premiere of Breaking Dawn Part 2 looking all sorts of vaginalicious!

Using this slutty Zuhair Murad to show off her ASSets she werked the red carpet like a woman who had never almost broken up a marriage last summer.  She was there with the rest of the cast including Robert Pattinson who a perpetual boner the entire night.

(That last part may or may not be true.)

BELLA ASSSSSS! >

She's kind of pale no?  Yeah, yeah obvi she's a "vampire" but damn bitch!  Get some sun!

Images Via www.celebdirtylaundry.com

This is What Jean Sandal Boots Looks Like

Anyone got $140 to blow on some ugly shit?

Over on Etsy there's an Israeli chick named Danielle and she makes jean shoes - More specifically, she makes jean sandal boots.  Yepper, she makes jean sandal boots, just chew on that fashion faux pas for a moment.

Still can't picture it?  Well BAM! >

The Etsy site boasts that > "These are handmade, high quality sandals/boots, comfortable and fun that never go unnoticed! Since each pair is completely made by hand and from one pair of vintage jeans, there are no two pairs alike!"

Handmade!  No shit!  This chick just cut up some of her jeans and glued 'em to her flip flops!  Huzzah!

There are some other designs but they're all pretty similar - the only unique ones were a pair with some god awful leopard print on it - Snooki-Style!

Boom! >

The feedback on NoTaste McUglyShoes site is 100% positive but I should probably tell you that there's only one review and I'm willing to bet cash it's self-published.

I don't think Jimmy Choo has too much to worry about...

Images Via www.etsy.com

NFLer Warren Sapp Went Bankrupt - Is Now Unloading Copious Amounts of Air Jordans

Anybody need any new kicks?

Warren Sapp, a 13 year NFL career player and Super Bowl champ, went tits up last month and is now unloading some of his swag...  TMZ sez >

"According to the [bankruptcy] docs, Sapp owes more than $6.7 million to various creditors ... including hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support payments and alimony to at least 4 different baby mamas.
Among the debts, Sapp says he owes $853k to the IRS for 2006 and another $89k for 2010. Sapp says he also owes $2,858 in medical bills for 'Corrective Speech and Language Therapy.'"

"Sapp says he only has $6.45 million to his name ... and lists all of his assets in the documents ... which include:

-- 240 pairs of Jordan sneakers and sandals
-- Large Nude women painting
-- Lion skin rug (female - lioness)
-- Nike golf clubs
-- De Grisogono watch (scratch on crystal, nicks and scratches on band)
-- A boxing glove signed by Muhammad Ali"

Um...anyone catch that second one there?  LOL!  I wonder how large it is...

He would've listed his two championship rings but the gomer lost them (so he says - seems fishy to me!)  He currently works as a sports analyst making about $45K a month but apparently he can't live on that.

Pfft!

Anyways - here's the kicks - Jordans were hot shit when I was a kid but I'm not so sure that the Bieber generation even knows what the hell they are.  Good luck with the auction!  Hope you find your rings ;)  

For more click HERE.

Title Image Via www.kicksaddict.com

Post Images Via www.tmz.com 

Karl Lagerfeld Doesn't Like Pippa Middleton's Face

Uncle Karl is one sassy bitch!

The Chanel pimp is pretty famous for saying crazy shit about anyone and everybody (remember when he called Adele fat? Ack!) so this is more of a yawn than a gasp but I am a royals junkie so I like to write about how boss I think the Duchess of Cambridge is and how one day I hope to marry (or just bang, I can just bang him if it's easier...) Prince Harry.

So when I read about Karl getting all Bitch, you ain't my baby's daddy on Pippa Middleton for no apparent reason, I thought aw heeeell naw!

Uncle Karl said, "I don't like [Pippa's] face. She should only show her back."

Granted her ass is spectacular but who's this guy to talk?  He makes some sick clothes but he's noooo Prince Wannabang Harry!

Now I don't know much, but I do fucking know that!

Go make fun of Lindsay or something dude...

Image Via www.news.yahoo.com

Why is Teresa Giudice Always Rockin' the Camel Toe?

That is the question...

The answer is I have no effin' clue!  Is she getting paid?  Is this her own design?  Why doesn't Milania have a spinoff yet?

No one (besides possibly Juicy Joe) knows what's up with this fashion don't she insists on rockin' in every shade of camel toe...

'Sa mystery it is...

Image Via www.toofab.com

PENIS PANTS! PENIS PANTS!

FINALLY!

Penis print leggings are apparently on the "fashion" menu now with Bas Koster's Studio making the peen-heavy leggings for both women and men!  Here's the print LOL >

Lovely!

The pants run about $150 American and look like some buuullshit to me but what do I know about fashion?  I've been rocking the same Westbeach shit since I was a kid.  The only philosophy I go by is 'If you can still wear it, WEAR IT!'  

The pants are called Is that a Cock or Your Legs? and that is just so stupid that I'm not going to comment on it. Other items available are The Legging Disco Dick (a metallic version of the above) and Faggot Disco Legs (ugh - hate that word) - those ones have the word Whore, Cock and Fag on them.  Disco away!

Legging Disco Dick

Faggot Disco Legs

On a side note:  LADIES!  You gotta stop thinking it's cool to be a hobag!  The slutty Facebook pics, the idolization of porn star Kim Kardashian, the buying and wearing of shit that says Whore all over it...

It's getting ridiculous!  It really, really is!

Image Via www.baskosters.com

The 2012 Met Gala Barfed Up a Bunch of Fashion Last Night

Image Via www.thatgrapejuice.net

Last night the Metropolitan Museum of Art was awash with the beautiful people in all their finest gear.  All the pomp and circumstance aside, the Met Gala is about fashion...fashion and Justin Timberlake's ass...

That sweet, sweet ass...

Let's take a looky-loo and see who shut that shit down and who was just...shut down.

The most beautiful woman in the world wore the ugliest lace dress known to man.

Cameron Diaz covered up her man arms and channeled Helen Mirren for the night.

Chloe Sevigny went for her standard I Color Outside the Box look.

Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy looking all sorts of right!

Christina Ricci had a little mishap here when one dress tried eating another one...

Emma Stone does no wrong, yo!  She's the new Natalie Portman - time's gonna tell on that shit. ;)

Here's a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow pretending she's not older than everyone else.

HATE Jessica Alba...LOVE this dress.  Stupid Jessica Alba!

Jessica Biel wore her curtains and LOOK!!!  There's Justin Timberlake's fine ass!!!  Gratuitous Justin Timberlake picture topless in black and white coming up >

Image Via www.zimbio.com

Oh yeah!  That's the stuff!

Back to the Met though...Kristen Stewart wore this ridiculous shit and forwarded that memo right over to...

...Mary-Kate Olsen who threw on some mad black satin - lol WTF is this?

I'm guessing that Sarah Jessica Parker sent the aforementioned Wear Ridiculous Shit memo.  Yikes!

Rihanna can't really look bad, but I've seen her look hella better.

This is Rachel Zoe's skeleton covered up in loose white bandages.  Someone should prob call 911 ASAP...

Giselle Bundchen Brady looks fine as hell but I can't even look at Tom Brady any more.  #AntiFauxhawk

And the WTF award goes to granny panties herself, Elizabeth Banks!  That is not a good look, dude!  Thatisall.


Post Images Via www.toofab.com

Kim Kardashian IS Charging that Crazy Chick Who Flour Bombed Her

Hold up a damn minute!

I thought that the flour bombing the other night (that just so happened to skyrocket press for her new perfume) reeked of Kartrashian fugazi, no?  The fact that she wasn't charging the chick who they hired to get people to pity Kim did it just further exacerbated my assumption.

But now she is charging her?

KRIS HUMPHRIES HELP ME!!!  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE!!!

Turns out that now that Kimmie the fur hag (for realz, yo!  I've seen her wearing like, eight different animals at once!  Who does that outside of Jersey?) has thought about it - I use the word thought loosely - she doesn't want the woman to get away with it.

You wanna know what I want?

I want my TV back, fur hag.

Image Via www.fashionbeautyglamour.blogspot.com

Video of the Day! Kim Kardashian Gets Flour Bombed

Kim Kardashian was attending a launch for one of her shitty new perfumes, True Reflection, when she got "flour bombed" by some angry ass, Kim K hatin' chick!

Hahahahahahahaha!  Reflect THAT, ho!

She retreated with her big ass tail between her legs (poor PimpMama Kris looks STUNNED! lol) but came back to finish her walk down the carpet simply saying that the ordeal was the "craziest, unexpected, weirdest thing" that's ever happened to her.  Personally my favorite part is when the crazy chick yelled "FUR HAG!"



Oh yeah, BTW PETA says they didn't do this one...though they DID give props to the assailant on TMZ.

I'm anti-fur but I also don't think people should be chucking household staples at each other to make a point.

Unless they're a Kardashian...

Or a Hilton.  ;)

Image Via www.yahoo.com

This Purse Costs $2 Million Dollars

Check out this bag!

Hermes is only making 36 of the handbags and is retailing the uber-luxe purse for the strangely random price of $1,980,034.  The styles took two designers two years to develop and boast a pretentious mix of being solid gold and having 1600 diamonds covering the handle.

Oh and get this, Hermes didn't want them to be too heavy so they made them miniature sized!  Talk about less bang for your buck!  I don't totally know how small this bitch is, but they said that the strap acts like a bracelet so it's pretty damn small.

So basically it's more of a large purse-shaped charm that is also a magnet for muggers.

Brilliant.

Image Via The Financial Tiimes

Skinny Jeans Will Probably Give You a Yeast Infection

Ah man!  From now on I am going to assume anyone I see wearing skinny jeans has a yeasty vadge.  That's just great!  

Yahoo.com threw up an article exploring the rise in something called Tight Pants Syndrome.  TPS comes from wearing skinny jeans (or the more douchey "jeggings") suggesting that they are responsible for giving the wearer such issues as nerve compression, heartburn, abdominal discomfort, numbness, lower back pain, yeast infections and belching.

Lovely!

The archives of internal medicine have known this for years but an internist recently noted an increase in patients with the syndrome due to an increase in the sale of skinny jeans.

The only known cure is to throw your ugly fucking hipster jeans away and wear some "sensible slacks" as my ma would say.  So, all together now - chuck those fugly suckers!

Image Via www.online.wsj.com  

This is OOONNNEEE Skanky Wedding Dress

Check out this GD awful wedding dress that made its debut in a Kaviar Gauche fashion show in Berlin.

Actually, retract that shit - I'm not going to call it a wedding dress, it's just a g-string and veil...with an arrow...that points at the bride's vadge...awesome.

Not so sure a "wedding dress" should say, I'm DTF, Bitches!  And what?  And what?  

But you know, to each their own...

Image Via www.huffingtonpost.com

Drop-Crotch Jeans? Really?

Drop-crotch jeans are a new unisex style of denim that combines skinny jeans with dropped-crotches (lol obviously) and that sell for $158 smackers.

First off - who the hell wants to look and feel like they're wearing diapers all day???  Aside from Big Baby Stanley and his playpals?  I will say they look like they may protect your junk if you wear 'em and you tend to get kicked in the crotch from time to time - I guess that's a pro...

Secondly, $158 damn dollars!  That's a lot of dough to pay someone to look like an asshole!

Third - NOPE!  NOOOOOPE!

I'll see you in hell before I see you on this ass, you drop-crotch denim bastards!

Images Via www.oak.nyc.com

The Official Color of 2012 Has Been Released

And it's...orange.  Tangerine Tango to be exact.  Now I don't want to brag but I studied colors in school when I was 12 and I'm pretty sure my color wheel di'int have no Tangerine Tango shit on it!  Are we just makin' up colors now?  Is that what we're doin'? 

(I blame Jersey Shore for the orangeyness of this years winner BTW...)

Pantone (the global authority on color and provider of professional color standards for the design industries) has announced Tangerine Tango as the official color of the year 2012.  They describe it as "a vivacious, enticing hue" that is "sophisticated but at the same time dramatic and seductive, Tangerine Tango is an orange with a lot of depth to it.  Reminiscent of the radiant shadings of a sunset, Tangerine Tango marries the vivaciousness and adrenaline rush of red with the friendliness and warmth of yellow, to form a high-visibility, magnetic hue that emanates heat and energy."

What?  What does that even mean?  And there's a color of the year?  I've been walking around wearing random colors for fucking ever like a dickhead! 

2011 is Honeysuckle FYI - but I don't even know what color that is!  Really!  What the hell kind of goddamn bastard color is that?  Like brown? 

Dammit!  

Image Via www.pantone.com