Damn! It'sshit like this that makes me NOT want to have a daughter!
In today's edition of EveryFamousChickIsApparentlyAWhoreNow, we have one of the more notorious hos Lady GagMe Gaga.
The vid is by Terry Richardson (Lindsay's fave photog and the dude who gave my boyf a perpetual boner by making a video of Kate Upton doing the Cat Daddy in a bikini) and though she keeps insisting her shitshow is all about feminism and being yourself...doesn't make it any better, just makes it a big fat lie.
When I first saw this trolling along the ticker tape on GMA this morning I crossed my fingers and whispered Please be a stripper pole, please be a stripper pole... because I would like to see that.
That's messed up, right?
Well, it wasn't a stripper pole (dammit) but ripoff queen Lady Gaga is still hurtin', yo! A back-up dancer smacked her huge, inflated egomaniacal head off of a pole during a concert while she was singing that song she got sued over, Judas.
Check out the vid >
Maybe if she didn't feel the need to make a damn spectacle of herself and had less SHIT on the stage while performing, this stuff wouldn't happen...
In the words of that beautiful vested bastard Nelson from The Simpsons...
HA HA!
Back in the day when Lady Gaga jacked one of the most famous Madonna songs ever, Express Yourself, I bet she didn't see this coming! Sure, GooGoo knew that Madonna was a little irked she ripped her off because frankly, it was a straight up fucking heist - same chord changes and all, and Madge had mentioned in interviews that it was a redone version of her song. CaCa called the whole thing 'retarded' (BAD WORD! DON'T DO THAT!) which is typical of some idiot 20-something year old rich kid from NY...
Well, check out the mash-up Madonna did in Tel Aviv of the two songs.
I'm no music mogul but it sounds pretty damn seamless to me!
Oh and email me all you want with your hate Little Monsters (they DO! - they're rabid little buggers!) All I'm saying is that it's not real - Gaga's schtick - I mean...
The emperor has no clothes.
(And no, that disgusting, stinky ass meat dress doesn't count as clothes. Y'all KNOW that so stop pretending THAT was fashion.)
Ugh! How much would I have to pay to never see The Situation on another TV again???
Check this horseshit out! Turns out these celeb bitches make MAD Benjamins for just standing around! Keep in mind that in addition to the list, the agent who quoted the numbers said that any celeb buyer should keep in mind that they'll most likely have to pay for what he called the Simple Four. That includes the flight, ground transportation, hotel and food. Oh and some won't fly commercial (whatever the fuck that means) so you'd have to shell out for a private jet...the greed is palpable...
BTW Most appearances are based on an approx. 2 hour appearance and/or gig.
In the music world you can score talented transvestite Lady Gaga for $2 million, Metallica for a cool $1.5 million, Pitbull for $300K and Ne-Yo for $200K.
You and your bonehead buddies can mentally jerk off to some random Playboy models who run about $1K - $1.5K or get Teresa Giudice to flip a table for $15K. The Jersey Shore cast can buy all the booze and pickles they want with their appearance earnings - Deena Nicole nabs $8K for merping on everyone, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino gets paid $25K to show off his rehabbed abs and though I'm not totally sure about Snook's, I know she got about $32K for speaking at prestigious Rutgers University...cha-ching! Hell, even The Unit makes $5K! The most famous Armenian porn star in the world, Kim Kardashian, is the one on top in the reality category though > Ho makes $125K an appearance!!! Someone get me my video camera and a youtube account!
Sports stars also command some serious money for making an appearance. To see Tim Tebow tebowing in person it will cost you $50K - $65K, Michael Jordan is the highest at approx $2 million and former Celtic Larry Bird asks for $75K.
AND the Warlock Vatican Assassin himself, Charlie Sheen, will bomb you with his torpedo of truth for $250K (and possibly throw up in your shitter) but he's one of the ones who requires a private jet so he can bang his goddesses the whole way the initial cost is negligible.
There you have it. Looks like stars make some sa-weet bank from just showin' up places. Gah!
In my estimation, anyone who gets off on hiring a celeb just so they can parade them around in front of a bunch of local gawkers like an inbred show dog needs to find some better shit to spend their money on.
Bam! Holy shadowy, black and white, 6-pack hotness!
But is this bitch blind? Gaga's a damn pigface! Smokin' body though (if you're into skinny hos but still! PIGFACE and a half, yo!)
But I digress, so this mouthbreather above, Taylor Kinney - is the piece of ass Lady Gaga is currently banging (allegedly). She was spotted "enjoying a romantic stroll with [him] in California at Christmas." This is according to Canoe.ca (you see, I would never use the words romantic stroll because I am not a douchebag.)
Anywho, dude is on a show called The Vampire Diaries that I have never seen and played her love interest in the video You And I. This past Christmas was the first time the two have stepped out in public together for the first time being all together forever. Now shit is trending, so I - consequently - am going to make fun of it.
Sources report that they celebrated the holiday at a beach house Kinney shares with three other friends. Gaga won't talk about the relationship (though she'll talk about every OTHER fucking thing to anyone who will listen) but told reporters last October, "You know, I don't talk about my love life, but I'm very happy."
Oh good! It's been a little bit since I've seen her lady bits/possible disco stick so you know, I was getting worried she was actually just singing now. Silly me! Why would a singer sing these days when you can get SO much more press by releasing crotch shots? I'm so naive!
At a photo shoot in New York, looking her usual asshole self, Lady Gaga flashed her junk yet again for all of us to wonder WTF? in confused unison. Granted the pics from Gawker.com aren't exactly Pulitzer-Prize worthy but they do make a good point in their accompanying story asking "What the hell are we looking at here?"
WTF is this??? Seriously, I don't know what this is...I'M SO CONFUSED!!! I warn you, this re-cap is going to sound ADD as hell but that's what the video is, so crap is out of my control . Hazzah!
Gaga has unleashed yet another mini-movie video on her little clone monsters and as always we suffer the collateral damage. I don't know why this woman can't just contain the fuckery for like, one video, because this shit is getting played out!
The country-style song plays out like a Manson video and starts out with some quick shots of "shocking" imagery and of course the obligatory playing up of the self-loving fact that she has a vagina - (though I still swear I see a disco stick tuck job in those bondage outfits). Then she shows up all Annie Lennoxed out circa early 90s dressed in man drag *cough* another ripoff *ahem* scuse me, I had some bullshit in my throat I had to clear out.
Anyways, now she's in a crop circle type place singing to her Annie Lennox rip off doppelganger! Maybe bitch is an alien!!! Oh, no wait, she's just unoriginal and self-obsessed, my bad...NEXT!
Now we're back to the "shocking" Marilyn Manson-ish imagery - Beautiful People costumes and all...oh and now something else is happening...Cue the nippleless Gaga mermaid! Shit is getting hard to follow!
ACK - we're at the 4:06 mark now and I pray this ends soon and this mermaid ho is having sex in a dirty tub! Double ACK! But wait, what's that you say? Mermaids can't have sex? Well, this is Gaga's world, bitches! She does what she wants and apparently she wants to be a nippleless mermaid having sex in a dirty tub so y'all can get to steppin'! (PS - Don't worry they cuddle in the end so it's not like dirty, meaningless mermaid sex - it's how I imagine Ariel and Eric may have fucked and then cuddled...All beautiful and shit.)
Okay we're at 5:45 and it just went silent...5:55 still no music...6:12 and we're done. Wow, the last 30 seconds of a video that's silent? That's deep, man! Pfft!
And BTW, what the eff is with these GD 6 minute videos?!? Cut the fat, bitch! I don't need to see every damn thing you're thinking...
And THAT is how you write a video re-cap motherfuckers!
On Tuesday, Gag-me gave an interview to Nebraska’s 94.1 FM and opened up about how Amy Winehouse's death affected HER.
"I always felt kind of like an outsider — in pop music, and just from high school and I remember [Lady Starlight] looked over at me and said, ‘If she can do it, you can do it.'" For those of you who don't know, Lady Starlight is the one who supposedly made Gaga what she is.
"So I always felt like Amy had opened a door for girls like me who didn’t fit that exact real pop mold and [who were] real wholesome. She was really special. And she’s gonna be greatly missed." Exsquise me? WTF pop mold is she looking at? Aside from Bieber et al. the pop mold seems pretty riddled with druggies and head-shavers to me.
Gaga said she never actually met Amy, but she remains heartbroken over the loss. "No, I never got to meet her. I think sometimes we were in the same place, but gosh, I’m real devastated about it."
No secret this bitch rubs me the wrong way, but what is this all about??? She makes everything about her! I give it a week before she's rockin' a beehive and singing about going to rehab.
Perhaps out of shocker stunts at this point - I mean, bitch can't really top wearing a full-length condom and being "re-born" out of a crappy self-designed vessel/egg - Gaga rolled out during her Sydney stage show in a wheelchair.
A wheelchair! A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR!!! As if it was a GD costume to be used to make money!
The performer came out to perform the rock ballad "Yoü and I" while dressed up as her new mermaid alter ego Yuyi (lol). Since her legs were bound in the costume she was only really able to move on stage with a wheelchair. That's when the eggs started flying!
It's unclear why anyone had eggs on them at the concert in the first place but the controversy doesn't stop there. The egg-tossing fans in Sydney weren't the only ones pissed by Gaga's wheelchair-bound performance.
Jesse Billauer, the founder of the quadriplegic advocacy group Life Rolls On said, "I invite [Gaga] to learn more about the 5.6 million Americans who live with paralysis. They, like me, unfortunately, don't use a wheelchair for shock value."
Ouch. She's just pissin' off everybody these days...
Lady Gagais being sued for racketeering and corruption by 1-800-LAW-FIRM (I know, right?) over allegations related to those Pray for Japan bracelets her little monsters gobbled up a whiles back.
The supposed scam goes a little something like this:
Lady Gaga charges $5 for a "We Pray for Japan" wristband, another $3.99 for shipping and handling and $0.60 for tax. The lawsuit alleges that Gaga got greedy by inflating the shipping cost, pocketing the extra dough ANDfor refusing to disclose how much of the $5 actually goes to the Japanese victims. The lawyer, Ari Kresch (insert Jewish lawyer joke here), who has his panties in a bunch about it just wants her "held accountable" for the scheme if one does exist.
I checked these bracelets out back in the day and I noticed it was a bit of a sketchfest. It seemed weird that the shipping was 4 smackers for a rubber band looking bracelet that prob ships for more like a buck or two and when I went to check out, the site tried to redirect me back to shop for more Gaga-centric garbage. Needless to say - I got the hell outta there and went back to petting my cat because he is a little piece of angel cake - yes he is...
But seriously, homey don't play gnarly website mind games!
Story developing...I snagged the video below from Fox "News" about the story - it's hella long though but for those of you into it - here you go:
Here's our Bungled and the Botched breakdown of the list:
Heading up the rear is Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher at #99 being edged out by her hotter, cooler co-star Eva Longoria at #81. My main man, Eminem comes in at #71 and JLo takes a place smack dab in the middle at #50.
Whiny Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel takes a surprising spot at #42 with stupid Glenn Beck being stupid in spot #30 (thankyouverymuch Republican nutbags). The super sad and alone Jennifer Aniston may crack a desperate smile since she's at #21 on this meaningless list and Leo made a huge jump this year to #15. Mrawr.
The top ten include *drumroll*:
10. Superstar jock LeBron James
9. The smarmy Simon Cowell
8. Bon Jovi! Nice!
7. Taylor Swift but Beyonce still had one of the best videos of all time!
6. Endorsement poison and general asshat Tiger Woods
5. New daddy Elton John
4. U2 - because it's the 90s again???
3. The incomparable Justin Bieber and his hair are still dominating the world
2. Queen of the sad women Oprah (who has finally been dethroned after years at the top)
1. And the winner of nothing but being on a stupid list in a magazine is...everyone's favorite cokehead...Lady Gaga!!!
Dear America - it's shit like this that makes other countries hate you.
In a scene ripped right out of Truth or Dare, Gaga cries and whines about feeling like the loser she was in high school.
Um, didn't the people from your high school already come out and say that you were a popular student who starred in school plays and shit? Man, this chick lies so much she doesn't even remember what she's lying about anymore.
Gaga should knock off the pity party - it's gross to put something like this out to calm the recent backlash against her...gross. Almost as gross as praying to God to give her courage to dance!
I love Weird Al - I've loved Weird Al since he was churning out crap like "Eat It" and "Polka Your Eyes Out" - he's the man when it comes to musical satire! And let's face it - these days there's a lot more to satirize then there used to be.
Well, here's the deal...Al wanted to make a new album, but was looking for the one epic, pop-culture song to release for his first single. Enter Lady Gaga and Born This Way...
He wanted to do a version called "Perform This Way" mocking her intense imaging in terms of performance. Simple enough, right?
Wrong!
Lady Gaga would not let him record the song unless she heard and approved it. It should be noted that Al does not have to get the artist's permission to record due to fair-use laws he just does it because he's a stand-up guy who doesn't want to step on anyone's toes. So he wrote the song and shipped the lyrics over to Miss Thang for her appproval - sadly it would not come.
Her team responded with “She actually needs to hear it. Otherwise the answer is no.” Al said on his blog, "Hmm. Well, this was mystifying to me. At this point she has the lyrics… and hopefully she is familiar with her own song… and the parody is basically her music… with my lyrics. It really shouldn’t be that hard to decide – based on having the lyrics right in front of you – whether or not you’d be “okay” with a parody. But, alas, we’d been given an ultimatum. If she didn’t hear it, she wouldn’t approve it." Um - okay. So Al records the fucking thing at her request and sends it to her.
And she still rejects the song! What a fool this chick is!
So he throws the song up on YouTube (see below) because as he said, "I...have a personal policy not to completely waste my stinking time." And then the uproar began!
Garnering even more unfavorable attention for Gaga after the whole dropping the retard word and releasing a crappy album with even shittier cover art. So, now what's up?
After much negative press about her not giving permission for him to release the song, it has suspiciously come to light that it was Gaga's team that Weird Al was dealing with and not Gaga herself. That's her story and she's sticking to it! Her guys are now saying that they never showed the lyrics or the song to her and she never turned it down - they did. Way to take one for the team, liars!
Check out this epic backtracking, "Gaga’s manager has now admitted that he never forwarded my parody to Gaga—she had no idea at all," Al wrote on his blog. "Even though we assumed that Gaga herself was the one making the decision (because, well, that’s what we were TOLD), he apparently made the decision completely on his own. He’s sorry. And Gaga loves the song."
Please! I don't believe that for a second! If this is true she needs a new "team" ASAP. She was prob just pissed that he was making fun of her. Thing is the mockery has already been made - he was just pointing it out (like when Alanis did that hilarious rendition of "My Humps"). Ain't no shame or blame in that!
Unless of course, you're Lady Gaga and your ego is the size of fucking Texas.
In yet another SCREAM for attention the rip-off artist singer has posed for NME (New Musical Express) Magazine in...wait for it...fucking nothing! Well, to be fair she's not completely nekkid - she seems to be wearing some sort of mesh/leotard slutbag thing with 3 zippers on it to cover her tucked away disco stick...
It's so crazy the things she comes up with isn't it? So original - so thought-provoking...bleh - yeah right. This chick is a legend in her own little mind.
Here's some snippets from NME's interview with the conceited (and pretty crazy) 25-year-old:
On her Look:
"Let me tell you something. If you fucking rip my hairbow and my wig off my fucking head, my shoes, my bra, every single thing on my body, and you throw me on a piano with a microphone, I will fucking make you cry.”
On Judas: (While crying) "I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it... there's no way for something that pure to be wrong."
On her Fans and Critics:
“If you want me to be a manufactured act, you can fuck off.”
On How Born This Way Rips Off Express Yourself : "I'm a songwriter. I've written loads of music. Why would I try to put out a song and think I'm getting one over on everybody. That's retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in your eyes and tell you that I am not dumb enough or moronic enough to think that you are dumb or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It's the same one that's been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I'm the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn't mean I'm a plagiarist, it means I'm fucking smart. Sorry.”
On her Creativity:
"I am perpetually unhappy with what I create. Even though I might tell you that ‘Edge of Glory’ is a pop masterpiece, when it’s all said and finished there will be things I dread, and every time I listen to it I’ll hear them. In John Lennon’s [1980] Playboy interview he talked about how he hated certain songs because of the way they were finished. And they might be my favorite songs, but Lennon couldn’t listen to them.”
Uh - What? Is it just me or does she need to lay off the coke a bit? I get that she thinks that it's where her creativity comes from (well, that and from her vagina lol) but come on, now! This bitch doesn't even make sense anymore! And what's with dropping the retard word? Not cool, dude! I'm a MAJOR asshole and I don't ever use it!
And why's she so pissy lately? I feel like ever since she popped outta that piece of shit egg she's been kind of an asshole. Like, more of an asshole than usual. I think all the recent backlash toward Haus of Gaga is breaking the bitch.
For those of you who enjoy listening to recycled music - here's a new one for ya!
Lady Gaga's "new" song from Born This Way - Judas, has leaked online and it's...well, it's Bad Romance with a different beginning. Good God, must've run out of artists to copy because she started copying herself now - that's so effed up!
Check it out here - if you liked Bad Romance you'll love this shit!
Just kiddin'. But check out this horseshit interview!
Gaga on plastic surgery:
"I have never had plastic surgery, and there are many pop singers who have. How many models and actresses do you see on magazine covers who have brand-new faces and have had plastic surgery, while I myself have never had any plastic surgery?" Puh-lease! Get over yourself!
On moving from NYC to Hollywood:
"I put my toe in that water, and it was a Kegel-exercise vaginal reaction where I clenched and had to retract immediately. I ran furiously back to New York, to my old apartment, and I hung out with my friends, and I went to the same bars." How...vivid?
Gaga on Alexander McQueen:
She says she believes the late designer has been channeling his spirit through her work since his February 2010 death. "I think he planned the whole thing: Right after he died, I wrote Born This Way, I think he's up in heaven with fashion strings in his hands, marionetting away, planning this whole thing." Gaga then lied also said it was purely by coincidence that the hit single was released on February 11, 2011 - on the one-year anniversary of McQueen's death. "When I heard that, I knew he planned the whole damn thing," Gaga said. "I didn't even write the f**king song! He did!"
Whoa there! Slow your crazy! I'm not sure of much but I am pretty damn sure that Alexander McQueen had absolutely NOTHING to do with writing your crappy dance song neither/nor is he, at all, in any way channeling his spirit through your work! That's like if I just said, "I am a reindeer because they have horns and the alien got let out of the closet yesterday" and just being all what? about how fucked up it is to just speak gibberish!
We no speakin' the same language...
Anyway - after that stellar review - for those of you who are still feelin' it the issue hits newsstands on April 26.
Get out your wallets little monsters because it looks like your mother monster (puke) has come up with her latest rip off for you all to drool over and buy! You lucky fans!
It must be nice that your icon puts out so many versions of tracks for you to purchase on her website but remember before checking out to see what other fabu items she has for sale! What's that? Her website is automated to promote certain products as a bullshit "since you bought that you may be interested in this" feature! Glory be! Now all my Lady Gaga purchases can be super easy and convenient...bleh.
Actually the track isn't available on her site yet, but the country version is $1.29 for those interested.
Before you piss away your milk money on this remix version of Express Yourself Born This Way check it out here. Just seems like the same shit in a different pile to me but whatevs. Her fans are rabid bitches who'll buy anything!
After a late start where she kept her audience waiting 85 minutes without explanation, Lady Gaga brought down the house in TO last night - she also brought her young, YouTube fan up on stage with her.
Sitting at the piano with her young protege she murmured into the mic "...Maria represents what this song is all about...it's all about the next generation...the future."
I thought it was about being yourself and an gay anthem that can also apply to anyone who's ever been bullied??? Meh, wouldn't be the first time this chick has changed her tune to suit her sales. I don't know the lyrics to Express Yourself Born this Way so I'm not too sure if they sang the original or if they sang the "clean" version that little cutie pie Maria had posted on YouTube that got all Gaga's gay fans in a tiffy.
It's no secret that I don't like Gaga but the scene was truly touching if you look through the publicity stunted-ness of it all by Mother Monster. I do feel bad the kid was kind of used up and will pretty much be thrown away by Gaga afterwards but for that one moment - she was IT, a superstar on stage, and Lady Gaga gave her that. Good for Maria! Go on girl!
The video for Lady Gaga's epic rip off song, Born this Way has been released and no you stupid jerks - it's not just the Express Yourself video replacing Madonna with Gaga.
It's some sort of shitstorm of Gaga, generally trying to do her best Victoria Secret model impersonation, over a plain black background. There's some other references in it that I'm sure seem genius and meaningful to a 24-year-old, trust fund baby, but I'm not so sure anyone who isn't on the Haus of Gaga payroll get's them. In short, it looks like the Vogue video on acid.
The self-described song that's going to change the world (barf - what an ego!) doesn't seem to be inciting any change other then that the tides seem to be turning for the pop star. Once a promising pop act with an original (if not trendy) sound, Miss Thang seems to want a go a more mainstream route now.
That dumb jerk Perez Hilton has the video up (twice no less! I've actually read she pays him to blog about her) if you want to check it out.
