Dancing With The Stars 2011 (The Part Where I Make Fun of the Cast)

No Kate Gosselin isn't on it again - but this pic is FUCKING priceless!

All right - Dancing with the Stars revealed it's new cast this morning but I was hungover to SHIT so I didn't post it yet.  Thank god for AC Slater on Extra for reminding me!  Mad props Slater!  On another note, way to help save Jesse Spano from herself when she was all hopped up on those heroine-type coffee pills - that was some good shit buddy!

Anyways, I ate a whack of bacon and feel a bit better so here comes the list!

Chynna Phillips will be dancing.  She was in the 90s supergroup Wilson Phillips who fucking RULED when I was a kid and got me through my tween years much like I imagine Bieber gets these new, supertweens through theirs.  I'm sure she's done something since that and I think she married a Baldwin (Billy Baldwin - FYI for those of you too young to be on my blog is Serena van der Woodsen's dad!!!  So OMG and all that) but who cares!!!  Wilson Phillips!!!   

Ron Artest is also on the roster, I don't know who the hell that is but apparently he is a Lakers player who also raps and is known for his "sometimes eccentric, outspoken behavior."  Don't really care about him...NEXT!     

Ah!  Now we have Elisabetta Canalis - she dated George Clooney's fine ass for 2 years and I've read in a few shitmags that she is all Fatal Attraction on him now - minus the boiled rabbit - sending him care packages with Italian food and tittay pics in them or something.  I'm pretty stumped as to what she does now besides wear a wedding dress around her house and try to catch her own bouquet.  But I do know that bitch needs to stop ridin' George Clooney's tail!  He's certainly stopped ridin' hers!  (Oh snap!  Buuurn!  See what I did there?)

Included this season as well are J.R. Martinez, a soldier who had 40% of his body burned in Iraq (he now acts on the soap All My Children), Carson Kressley, the fashion expert on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, soccer star Hope Solo and Chaz Bono of Sonny and Cher Bono (though he used to be named Chastity.)

Kristin Cavallari also joins this season and I LOVE HER!  Most well-known for being on Laguna Beach bitchfighting LC over Stee-Faaan she was also the star of The Hills in it's final season.  And hey, she got to bang Brody so...THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

Next we have professional loud-mouth asshole, Nancy Grace.  She will probably sue me and/or yap aggressively in my face about trash talking but I am willing to take that chance!  If any of you guys see her around do me a favor and kick her in the crotch for me!  Ugh!  Just sooo UGH!!!

Rob Kardashian, the one that doesn't make mommy dearest any cash, is dancing this season as well and will most likely spend most of his time name dropping his sisters...Oh and get this shit!  I was watching one of those crappy entertainment shows and on it he said his mom made him do it!  What a d-bag!

Ricki Lake is a contender for the disco ball trophy and if you don't know who she is you need to stop reading this and go watch the original Hairspray IMMEDIATELY!  She was also the host of her own talk show for over a decade and I, amongst MANY others, took much joy and delight in repeating the words Go Ricki over and over again.  Her show was also the first place (on film anyway) to use terms like, Don't go there! and Talk to the hand because the face don't want to hear it!  Classic shit!

And the one who's going to win last one is David Arquette.  He's obvi an actor (Hello!  Never Been Kissed lol) and was also Courtney Cox' piece for about a decade.  Arquette, to me, is better than all this fuckery but whatevs...if he wants to dance, let the bastard DANCE!!!  He's a pretty fun dude and should be good for a few zany clips.

That's it, that's all.  Don't expect to see to much on here about DWTS unless the show shits out some mad celeb scandal because frankly, I think that this sort of show is what the french call, les crappe.

Image Via www.examiner.com

The Week in Break Ups

There are a few stars crying into their couture this week as a couple of high profile relationships have come to a untimely timely end...

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn are no more.  ScarHo 26, and Penn 50, were together for five months and made headlines when she gave him a crotch rub with her foot in public and also when they attended Reese Witherspoon's wedding together.  Saw this one coming a mile away...there's only so many times she could listen to him wax political and he prob got sick of her yelling Ryan's name out in bed.   

Amy Winehouse and rehab have parted ways once again.  After only a week, wino Winehouse has peaced out of the Priory Clinic in London.  No word on if she's all better but I highly doubt it...she stopped for a bottle of vodka on the damn way in!

CamRod is o-v-e-r!  No more Yankee love for Cameron Diaz as her and Alex Rodriguez are dunzo.  It seems like just yesterday she was feeding him popcorn like she was his bitch.  "They've broken up," an insider told FitPerez. "[Cameron is] hurt and betrayed, because she tried so hard to please him ... She went overboard."  Desperate Debbie is not a good look for anyone, Cam but don't worry - you can do better anyway. 

Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston may not be friends anymore!  If this were the 90s I would totally give a shit but since JenAn's movies suck balls now and Courtney has all but faded away on some Cougar show...meh.

Aniston and Cox have not been photographed together in nearly a year and a source (which means nothing these days) has confirmed that there is "tension" between Aniston and Cox.  Apparently, Aniston has a big stick up her ass about Cox's behavior while she is separated from her husband of 11 years David Arquette.  Allegedly her behavior reminds Aniston of her own heartache with her ex husband Brad Pitt.  Aniston's rep says, "It's a complete fabrication. There was no fall[ing] out and Jennifer considers Courteney to be a dear and close friend."

Image Via www.chillopedia.com

David Arquette Has Been Sober for 100 Days

Well slap my ass and call me Monica Gellar!  I didn't even know he was on the wagon - I knew he had fallen off of it and was a bit of a drunkard - I just didn't know he was tryin' to be on it...

Is that right?  I don't know if on the wagon means sober or off the wagon means drunk off your ass or what...

Anyways - David Arquette has been off the juice for 100 days...good for him!  I, myself, like to drink like every day is motherfucking Friday, Friday, Gotta Get Down on Friday...but that's me - and I don't have a kid or live in the shadow of a sitcom star and her 90s fame.

I hope he stays sober/out of trouble for the sake of his family and Coco!

PS - I am fully aware that putting a pic up of him wasted is a douchey move (above) - but I'm okay with it.

Image Via www.bossip.com