Guess The Celebrity Kids

Oh why not, eh?  Not much else going on other than Lindsay losing and finding her stupid purse... 

Your mission is as follows, correctly ID all 8 of the celebrity kids below.  That's it, that's all.  Answers are at the bottom so don't go all scroll crazy if you want to guess.  You don't win anything but feel free to go ahead and pat yourself on the back if you get 'em all right! 

This kid's mom is a lip-syching guru who had her entire face changed with surgery (to look like her hotter sister no less) and his emo dad used to be a rock star in a band.  Emo idiot.
 

This one has two of the most beautiful parents in the world and enjoys traveling, wearing ties and possibly holding impromptu UN-style conferences with her many brothers and sisters...If this kid grows up to look anything like her mommy, DAMN!  Her fine ass daddy better get a gun.

This kid's parents have both played superheroes (though pretty shitty ones) and were both in the flick Pearl Harbour.  Her dad almost married one of the biggest stars on the planet and won a debatable Oscar for writing when he was only 26.   

This one's single mother is beloved as all hell and divorced one of the biggest douchebags in the history of douchbaggery just last year.   She has moved on with her life and the kid and he moved on to cheating on the next idiot in another highly publicized break up a few months ago.

These two cool bros have musician parents (with one hell of a fashionable mother!)  These are the dopest kids on the block, yo!  And they know it!  It is a little depressing these two are always dressed better than me and there is nothing I can do about it...but SO CUTE!  Who cares!?!  Puppies for everyone!!!

This kid's mother got famous because she is the sister of someone who got famous because she has a big ass and a porn tape...yes that's right.  His dad is a damn funny tweeter of dick jokes and rocks a suit and a cane like it's no one's damn BIZNESS!  Dude shuts it down!  Every.  Single.  Time. 

These two little ones look EXACTLY like their divorced mom and dad and should thank their lucky damn stars for that, because their parents are H-O-T!  Their mother won an Oscar for her work in a biopic and their dad recently had another kid with a model he knocked up by accident.
 

This baby's mom's a rocker chick and her dad's a motocross legend.  She has the same name as a tree and enjoys drooling, licking plastic toys and breastfeeding.  Her dad was also on The Surreal Life with Janice Dickinson and Omarosa lol.  Epic TV.

ANSWERS:

Bronx Wentz (Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz) Image Via www.fuckyeahbronxwentz.tumblr.com
Shiloh Jolie Pitt (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt) Image Via www.people.com
Violet Affleck (Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck)  Image Via www.affleckgirls.wordpress.com
Louis Bullock (Sandra Bullock) Image Via www.radaronline.com
Zuma and Kingston (Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale) Image Via www.x17.com
Mason Disick (Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick)  Image Via www.x17.com
Ava and Deacon Phillippe (Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe)  Image Via Fame
Willow Sage Hart (Pink and Carey Hart) Image Via www.socialitelife.com

Jesse James Cheated on Kat Von D With 19 Women!

Is this douchebag related to Tiger Woods or what?

Kat Von D threw up quite the little fuckyou note on her Facebook page aimed at outing her ex-fiance/current dumbass as a cheater (which we all already knew - duh.)  In the note she says he's had his filthy peen in 19 women!

Really ladies?  Whose still bangin' this jackass?  Knock it off because you're making us ALL look bad.  Ho. 

Anywho, check this epic airing of dirty laundry out!

No word yet on what Michelle "Bombshell" McGee thinks of all this...

Image Via www.allieiswired.com

Jesse James and Kat Von D are Back ON!

Really guys?  We're doing this?  I used up all my best Jesse James/Kat Von D jokes already but WHATEVER!

These two always have to make it difficult - ugh!

After calling off their engagement last month in the middle of an badly-timed TLC PR blitz - Kat and Jesse announced on Thursday that - hazzah! - they are back together again. 

This comes right after TLC announced they were cancelling her show - LA Ink.

"Sometimes you are only given one chance in life," Jesse told People Magazine.  "It was up to me to open my eyes and see it. That girl is my chance. I will never stop fighting and striving to hold on to her. Showing her how special she is, and how much I love her."

Translation - I'm a dickhead who can't find anyone else to marry me and she is willing to wed my sorry ass even though I'm a huge, stupid douchebag who took a public shit on America's sweetheart.  So, yeah - we're getting MARRIED!

(Look at that!  I guess I did have a few more barbs to throw out there - Booyah!)

Of course, they took to twitter to make everyone barf at their "love" -

She posted the above pic to him a couple of hours ago and he posted the below pic along with the words *para siempre* which means forever in spanish.

Whatever.

Images Via www.twitter.com

Kat Von D Ditches Interview on GDLA

Girlfriend is PISSED!

Kat Von D walked out moments before an interview on GDLA supposedly because they mentioned the J word - Jackass.  No just kidding, JESSE!

Quickly becoming the go-to guy for repping shady jerkoffs, the name Jesse put the fear of God into the dumbass because she got the fuck outta dodge and took to twitter to bash the show:

"Dear GoodDayLA [sic], thanks for the waste of a perfectly good morning. Lack of compassion n [sic] respect for eachother [sic] never fails to dissappoint [sic] me."

I get it...I wouldn't want to talk about the scumbag either.  But aye, here's the rub...

HER people sent a clip of her stupid show with Jesse in it (of her getting that god awful tat of the mofo's face no less - lol) and HER people told GDLA nothing was off limits (including that skank Jesse) besides any mention of Sandra Bullock. 

So go fucking kvetch at them, you jerk!  Seems to me that the only one hurt in this walk off is Von D herself.  Afterwards, Jillian Barbarie Reynolds stood up for GDLA in a segment and lashed out at Kat for being unprofessional.

Doesn't feel to good, does it Kat?  Maybe you get a small idea about how Miss Bullock felt when Jesse used his married peen to eff anything that moved while they were adopting a new baby.  Lay down with a dirty dog - wake up with fleas.

Image Via www.247newsline.com

Kat Von D and Jesse James Quit Each Other

No more makin' cute little hearts out of their hands for these two!  And poor Jesse!  Who's gonna marry his sorry ass now?

Kat Von D and Jesse James have called off their engagement and relationship for undisclosed reasons.  Saw that coming!  Hell, a blind, deaf person would've saw that shit coming!  These guys were using the word soulmate like it was making them money - using that damn devil word is never a good thing.

Kat tweeted about 7 hours ago, "I am no longer w [sic] Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats [sic] all the info I'd like to share. Thanks for respecting that."  Approx. 15 hours ago Jesse tweeted, "Today's @CiscoBurgerLBC Jalapeno Melt w/sautéed Mushrooms Mmm!! http://yfrog.com/h47yixmj."

LOL - He's obviously CRUSHED but using some sort of Jalepeno sandwich to pick up his dampened spirits.  Guess you gotta move on!   

Anywho, Jesse has since said that the distance between the two was the culprit.

Jesse did his best to string words together into a cohesive sentence and succeeded in telling People, "I'm so sad because I really love her.  The distance between us was just too much."

Von D is in Los Angeles and James's home is outside of Austin (where he allegedly moved after Sandra Bullock left his sorry behind to be closer to her, Louis and his kids by that porn star chick - not the one with the Nazi tats - a different porn star.)

PS - you know what's weird?  When you Google Kat Von D all the pics are solo or her with her ex, Nikki Sixx...computer must be rejecting Jesse James like a bad rash!  And I don't want to start any rumors but when I checked his Twitter I'm pretty sure that little blue bird was flippin' him off!   

Image Via www.thats-all-folks.com

Jesse James Forgives Himself for Being an Asshat

Oh thank God!  I was so concerned about Jesse's feelings after he cheated on his superstar wife with a nazi hobag!  Good to know he's still comfortable with himself...pfft.

He said in a recent interview, "I never got one negative comment, not from anyone. The only people who said negative stuff to me were the paparazzi and they were being paid to. The media portrayed it as this huge negative thing but if anything, I got more support from everybody else, because, yes, I cheated on my wife but so do a lot of other people."

Well that's one way of looking at it.  And no negative comments?  Can this motherfucker even read?  Gimme a break!

He went on to ask, "Does that mean I'm the devil? Or that I'm Satan? I don't think so. I made a mistake and I'm sorry for it but I owned up to it. I didn't lie or do any kind of BS. I did it, I made a mistake and I owned up to it and took it like a man and took all the abuse for it, which nobody does."

I don't even have a comment for that shitpile of stupidity...

When asked specifically if he had forgiven himself, he responded, "Oh yeah. I'm cool."

Lol - so succinct!

Image Via www.lisavandyke.wordpress.com 

Jesse James: I Felt Trapped!

Oh boo effing hoo, idiot! 

I got my filthy little judgmental hands on some excerpts from Jesse James' new book, American Outlaw, via RadarOnline, and I have to say - this guy deserves an award for his douchiness!  And not one of those bullshit awards like an MTV Moonman but more like an Oscar for douchebaggery!

Apparently, he felt "trapped" in his marriage to America's sweetheart so he started cheating on her...well, that's definitely one way to go...

Check this dumb shit out:

On his business:

“If I closed West Coast down, it would hurt Sandy. That was the catch. In the eyes of the public, my fate was directly tied to hers. So just like I couldn’t punch somebody’s teeth out on the red carpet, I couldn’t really fuck up businesswise, either, because it would reflect badly upon her, and probably affect her successful image.  You’re trapped, I thought suddenly. It came out of nowhere, but you’re trapped pretty good, aren’t you?"

On how he felt Sandra held his balls in a vice:

(When she asked him to lower the volume on the radio during a trip.)  “I lowered it. Of course I did.  That’s what any husband would do for his high-class wife. She wasn’t some whore in the back of a Daytona nightclub: She was a lady, with gentler tastes.  But in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but feel kind of cheated. It was like I was Huckleberry Finn or something, when Widow Douglas decides to adopt him. They were ‘sivilizing’ me, and I didn’t know how to make them stop."

On why he decided to stick his dick in a trashy Nazi "model":

“I couldn’t escape. Not even for an instant. Mentally at a loss, desperate for something to make me feel like I had some sense of freedom, I ran through the list of things I could do to assert my independence over my life. Infidelity, unfortunately, was at the top of the list.”

Oh reeeaaaly?  This is how this guy thinks!?!  No word yet on why he likes to pretend he's Hitler and/or why he decided to adopt little Louie in the midst of this fuckery...but I'll keep you posted with updates and excerpts as they leak...I'm gonna have a field day with this one.  Good luck Kat Von D!

Seriously, good luck!

Image Via www.evilbeetgossip.com

Jesse James and Kat Von D to Marry

Yeah, this sounds like about as good of an idea as when she got that shit tattooed on her face.

I'm a pretty big believer in once a cheater, always a cheater and this guy's a cheater!  And this mofo can't even cheat well!  Come on dude, who bangs a Nazi fame whore and then thinks she's not going to use the affair to further her - ahem - career?

Anyways - the two D-Listers have gotten engaged and will probably have a bunch of redneck kids together who they'll have to bail out of jail one day but hey, I'm all for moving on.  Congrats idiots.

I give them 3 months.  4 if she doesn't get fat again.