The 2012 Met Gala Barfed Up a Bunch of Fashion Last Night

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Last night the Metropolitan Museum of Art was awash with the beautiful people in all their finest gear.  All the pomp and circumstance aside, the Met Gala is about fashion...fashion and Justin Timberlake's ass...

That sweet, sweet ass...

Let's take a looky-loo and see who shut that shit down and who was just...shut down.

The most beautiful woman in the world wore the ugliest lace dress known to man.

Cameron Diaz covered up her man arms and channeled Helen Mirren for the night.

Chloe Sevigny went for her standard I Color Outside the Box look.

Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy looking all sorts of right!

Christina Ricci had a little mishap here when one dress tried eating another one...

Emma Stone does no wrong, yo!  She's the new Natalie Portman - time's gonna tell on that shit. ;)

Here's a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow pretending she's not older than everyone else.

HATE Jessica Alba...LOVE this dress.  Stupid Jessica Alba!

Jessica Biel wore her curtains and LOOK!!!  There's Justin Timberlake's fine ass!!!  Gratuitous Justin Timberlake picture topless in black and white coming up >

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Oh yeah!  That's the stuff!

Back to the Met though...Kristen Stewart wore this ridiculous shit and forwarded that memo right over to...

...Mary-Kate Olsen who threw on some mad black satin - lol WTF is this?

I'm guessing that Sarah Jessica Parker sent the aforementioned Wear Ridiculous Shit memo.  Yikes!

Rihanna can't really look bad, but I've seen her look hella better.

This is Rachel Zoe's skeleton covered up in loose white bandages.  Someone should prob call 911 ASAP...

Giselle Bundchen Brady looks fine as hell but I can't even look at Tom Brady any more.  #AntiFauxhawk

And the WTF award goes to granny panties herself, Elizabeth Banks!  That is not a good look, dude!  Thatisall.


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Gwyneth Paltrow's Asshole Way to Get Rid of a Hangover

It's stupid shit like this that makes me hate this broad, man!

Whenever I picture Gwyneth, I picture her sippin' Mimosas on a fucking yacht with that ridiculous body while Coldplay plays their shitty music live in the background...I'm pretty sure that's close to reality, that she gets to live a life that only few people live.  The rest of us are just here to gawk, the bungled and the botched.

Well, now she is telling us how she thinks we should all get rid of our hangovers in that bunk mag Goop she farts out every now and then.  Here's what the princess suggests for curing a hangover:

If you have the time and the inclination, I've found that the best hangover remedy can be a hot and cold spa treatment. The original would be the traditional Turkish Hamman, but you can find this kind of treatment in spas all over the world, including my favorites, the low-key Japanese spas in New York, like Osaka.

Start in a hot, dry room and then move into an even warmer steam room. Then splash yourself with cold water (or even dunk in cold pool or under a cold shower). Follow it with a full body scrubdown, which is typically followed by a massage. At the end you'll be sent to a cool room to relax and cool down.

I've been known to recreate this experience at home too. Just draw a bath that is as hot as you can handle it and mix in some Epsom Salts and Baking Soda. Soak for twenty minutes and then pop into a freezing cold shower for 1 minute. Get back in the hot bath and stay until you're warmed up. Then get back in the shower for 1 more minute.

Wow, bitch!  Just wow!

First off, I live in Canada - spa treatments aren't even in our fucking vocabulary!  And when I'm hungover my ass is not even thinkin' about movin' from underneath it's fortress of Dorito crumbs and going anywhere, let alone a spa.  Douchebag!

Secondly, ah!  I see she gives a home version!  How lovely!  Problem is, I know for a FACT that four college kid mouth breathers lived here before I moved in and I'm not into playing dodge the venereal disease in my scummy bathtub.  Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

And lastly, this is neither here nor there but Coldplay sucks.  They suck hairy balls.  You may be a princess, but your princess ass married a douchey frog.

Oh actually one last thing, anyone else getting the distinct impression that she talks about drinking so much in a pathetic attempt to seem cool?  Gah - Hello McFly, we're not 14 anymore... 

Asshole. 

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Gwyneth Paltrow's Assholiest Quotes

I used to like Gwynnie - back in the Seven days and shit - she was all engaged to pre-Angelina Brad Pitt and making movies about dudes named Ripley and Royal Tenenbaums...but then - she changed.

Perhaps due to an abrupt break up with Ben Affleck or perhaps due to the infamous Oscar curse (who am I to speculate?) Gwyneth has turned into a bit of an asshole.  And I'm not sure I like it!

Here's some choice quotes from the starlet that prove she's an asshole with a capital spoiledbitch.  Thought I'd share...

"Even actresses that you really admire, like Reese Witherspoon, you think, 'Another romantic comedy?' You see her in something like Walk the Line and think, 'God, you're so great!' And then you think, 'Why is she doing these stupid romantic comedies?' But of course, it's for money and status."  Oh okay, Shakespeare in Love!  I've never seen that but it looks like a real piece of shit.  And what the fuck was Bounce about?  Come on now!  It's like the pasty white skinny bitch pot calling the pasty white skinny bitch kettle black.

"When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."  Um...too easy?

"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."  Now, I've never had cheese from a tin but fuck her anyway.  Macrobiotic bizzatch.

"Taking care of yourself is being there for your kids, like how on a plane, they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first."  They DO tell you to do that!  How does she know what they tell commoners to do on commercial flights?

"I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup."  Fuck you bitch!  I was RAISED on cup-a-soup and I loved every goddamn second of it!  Nah, I really didn't but let's not be so melodramatic here - you'd rather die?  Really?  Who would run Goop and be an icy ho to Chris Martin?

"When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it's like, 'No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?'"  Get a bikini wax in Paris?  Wow!  The day that I jump off the treadmill on my yacht and grab a quick vadge wax in Paris is the day I can die my friends!  That's so ostentatious!

So, the moral of the story is that Gwyneth Paltrow is an asshole.

Goop that ya Goopy bitch!  Yeah.  I said it.

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