Gwyneth Paltrow's Asshole Way to Get Rid of a Hangover
It's stupid shit like this that makes me hate this broad, man!
Whenever I picture Gwyneth, I picture her sippin' Mimosas on a fucking yacht with that ridiculous body while Coldplay plays their shitty music live in the background...I'm pretty sure that's close to reality, that she gets to live a life that only few people live. The rest of us are just here to gawk, the bungled and the botched.
Well, now she is telling us how she thinks we should all get rid of our hangovers in that bunk mag Goop she farts out every now and then. Here's what the princess suggests for curing a hangover:
If you have the time and the inclination, I've found that the best hangover remedy can be a hot and cold spa treatment. The original would be the traditional Turkish Hamman, but you can find this kind of treatment in spas all over the world, including my favorites, the low-key Japanese spas in New York, like Osaka.
Start in a hot, dry room and then move into an even warmer steam room. Then splash yourself with cold water (or even dunk in cold pool or under a cold shower). Follow it with a full body scrubdown, which is typically followed by a massage. At the end you'll be sent to a cool room to relax and cool down.
I've been known to recreate this experience at home too. Just draw a bath that is as hot as you can handle it and mix in some Epsom Salts and Baking Soda. Soak for twenty minutes and then pop into a freezing cold shower for 1 minute. Get back in the hot bath and stay until you're warmed up. Then get back in the shower for 1 more minute.
Wow, bitch! Just wow!
First off, I live in Canada - spa treatments aren't even in our fucking vocabulary! And when I'm hungover my ass is not even thinkin' about movin' from underneath it's fortress of Dorito crumbs and going anywhere, let alone a spa. Douchebag!
Secondly, ah! I see she gives a home version! How lovely! Problem is, I know for a FACT that four college kid mouth breathers lived here before I moved in and I'm not into playing dodge the venereal disease in my scummy bathtub. Yeah, thanks but no thanks.
And lastly, this is neither here nor there but Coldplay sucks. They suck hairy balls. You may be a princess, but your princess ass married a douchey frog.
Oh actually one last thing, anyone else getting the distinct impression that she talks about drinking so much in a pathetic attempt to seem cool? Gah - Hello McFly, we're not 14 anymore...
Image Via www.curbly.com