Someone STOLE this Russian Dudes Testicles

Can I get a what what?

30 yo Russian actor Dmitry Nikolaev has been robbed of his nutsack yo!  Black market organ stealing style!

Cops in Russia are on the look out for a gang of assholes who go around stealing people's organs after poor Dmitry was drugged by a blonde chick and woke up missing his balls.

So sad. :(

The Russian soap actor WHO IS MARRIED had gone to a bar after finishing a performance at a Moscow theatre where some sketchy blonde woman approached him and wanted to have a drink with him.  Blondy McOrganStealer was apparently flirting with him and invited him to a sauna (is that a thing?)

Dmitry went with her.

While in the sauna (still not sure why that's a thing) "They kissed and had some more beer and after that the actor remembers nothing."

Dude woke up next day at a bus stop!  He was in crazy pain and had blood on his pants.

Once he got to the hospital it was sort of a good news bad news sitch - the bad news was that his testes had been straight up jacked, the good news was that "It was done like proper surgery by someone with a medical education" and in a "...skilful way."  Looks like we gots a docta in the gang!

I call him Dr. Dickhead.

Anyways, that good news is not really good news but hey, someone stole this guys junk!  Nothing will EVER be good now.

Media reports say the actor, "Was too embarrassed at first to explain what had happened to his wife."

Lol - Well duh, dumbass.  Shouldn't have put his horny married ass in that position.  Shit was fucked up since jump street.

But that's neither here nor there.

Bottom Line > Don't drink and make out with sketchball broads that aren't your wife...

And stay the hell outta those questionable saunas!

Image Via www.tripadvisor.ca (Not a post affiliated Image)

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