Birth certificate fanatic Donald Trump has announced the new season 5 cast of CA and it is a whole bunch of whothehellisthat? I'm going to attempt to help y'all decipher who's who in this motley crew by utilizing such research tools as Google and Wikipedia. Sure, they're a little inaccurate, but I'm pretty lazy so...you know, whatevs.
Here are the celebrities in no particular order:
Cheryl Tiegs - Sports Illustrated's number one gal back in the day. Waaay back in the day. Ask your pops about her. He prob used to whack it to her when he was younger. Just sayin'.
Patricia Velasquez - Another model. Apparently, this chick is no joke in Venezuela! Lol. She is the latin Janice Dickinson (the first latin supermodel) and played that badass bitch Anck-Su-Namun in The Mummy.
Teresa Guidice - Oh shiz! Teresa is a Real Housewife of New Jersey. A real CRAZY housewife of NJ! She flips tables, has a disgusting pig of a hilarious hubby and generally acts like an asshole. I'm not a fan but expect her to be a real hoot.
Lou Ferrigno - This mofo is The Hulk! Don't make him angry...you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Hope they don't sit him next to the above lunatic Teresa JewDeeChay and the below Wayne's World star because that boardroom would just BLOW MAH MIND! Seriously...flashbacks. You know what I mean ;)
Tia Carrere - She was the hot chick in Wayne's World. Who gives a shit what else she's done? WAYNE'S WORLD! PARTY TIME! EXCELLENT! So fucking good.
Dayana Mendoza - Miss Universe 2008. Basically another model...yawn. Apparently, Trump still thinks with his dick a lot.
Aubrey O'Day - American hobag from girl group Danity Kane. She was kicked out and now is just an American hobag.
Debbie Gibson - Get in the wayback machine! This chick is straight up from my childhood! She was all into singing about "Electric Youth" and competing against Tiffany in the charts. Shit would be cool if it were the 80s - sadly it is not.
Victoria Gotti - Do I really need to do this one? She's one of the original mob daughters...Gotti's little girl. Rumor is she goes at it with table flippin' Teresa throughout the season. Doesn't surprise me, Teresa is not exactly known for acting anything but a damn fool.
Michael Andretti - This guy is a race car driver...don't care...Movin' ON!
George Takei - SULU, bitches! Recognize!
Clay Aiken - Ugh -I don't even know what to say about this douche. He almost won American Idol but lost to Reuben who is prob dead in a gutter somewhere, he knocked up David Foster's sister presumably with a turkey baster and sold his coming out story to People mag after his kid was born. Oh and here's a pic of him for the show:
Um what the fuck happened to his face? Shit's not right, man. Shit is not right.
Adam Carolla - Sub par comedian who played second fiddle to Jimmy Kimmel on The Man Show. Currently being an idiot on the radio.
Lisa Lampanelli - I hate this chick - she's also a comedian but mostly just takes jabs about how disgusting she is on Comedy Central Roasts.
Dee Snider - Hello! Twisted Sister!!! 'Nuff said.
Paul Teutul Sr. - one of the co-founders of Orange County Choppers which is featured on the show American Choppers. I don't watch it (it's not on Bravo and doesn't seem to have any dysfunctional housewives in it. Not my cup o' tea, so to speak.)
Penn Jillette - One half (the speaking half) of comedy duo Penn and Teller. Big Vegas draw and star of Bullshit. I could actually see him taking the job or whatever the hell the prize is at the end.
Arsenio Hall - Whoot! Whoot! Whoot! Arsenio is back, yo! Get your arms ready to go!
I'm not impressed but I'll be watching...
Ugh. Always...watching.
Images Via www.toofab.com
No comments:
Post a Comment