Angelina's Right Leg, J. Lo's Nipple and a Wrestler Playing Dress Up - It's The Oscars, Bitches!!!

Okay, so this is a few days late, but if y'all follow me on twitter (as you should) you would know that I got two new Sims games that have taken over my life...seriously, haven't slept in days...

So tired...

Anywho, I was in and out of consciousness watching Billy Crystal host the shit outta the Oscars like it was 1999, hoping to hell that gorgeous George's pants would "malfunction" (you guys notice it's only chicks who get these wardrobe malfunctions?  BS!  I want to see Clooney PEEEENNNN!!!!) but all I got was a whole lotta boring!

In my estimation the most laughable and memorable moments were given generously by presenters and guests.  Ryan Seacrest started his night on the red carpet by getting the faux Bisquit "ashes" of Kim Jong-Il poured onto his feminine behind by Borat in a promotional stunt for his new flick The Dictator.  They'll be talking about it for years which is like Seacrest crack!  He loves the spotlight and now he's a part of Oscar history!  He held it together basically just having a professional boner in front of everyone and changing his Burberry jacket.  Borat was escorted out.

Everyone was losing their shit over Stacy Kiebler on the carpet...I kept yelling at my TV that "There's a wrestler trying to sneak into the Oscars!" but no one would heed my warnings!  They kept pretending it was okay that a wrestler was at the Oscars!  It was awkward - like when I accidentally touched my cat's butt and wouldn't make eye contact for days...well, not really like that, but my life is very different from that of a Clooney ho - so I make adjustments to my metaphors...Sick Marchesa dress though - SICK!    

Image Via www.instyle.com

J. Lo and Cameron Diaz took the stage and showed their million dollar asses off before turning about face and giving me an eyeful of Lopez nipple...yawn!  The boob's been done, J. Lo!  So played out!!!  Her PR team is lying and saying that it's a shadow, but I know me a nipple when I see me a nipple and that shit was a nipple!!!  Or a nipple shaped shadow ;).  And not to be a major bitch here - but did Gigli win an Oscar for shittiest movie and I missed it???  Why is there a singer there???  Just sing Jenny From the Block to all of us already and go on about your bizness, woman!  NEXT!

Image Via www.onyxbook.com

Saint Angelina Jolie of Pittopia pulled some weird stunt queen shit on stage (and all the way down the red carpet) when she went to present posing like she was goddamn Christy Turlington or something!  It was a total Snooki/CourtneyStodden thing to do and Ang is NO Snooki/CourtneyStodden so when she did it, it just seemed really, really stupid.  (She even re-adjusted her stunt queen pose when her leg wasn't sexy enough for her liking!)  Twitter blew up, everyone made fun of her and it now seems jamming your leg out awkwardly has become something of the new Tebowing or Planking - Also, her skinny, pale gam now has a twitter page called Angelina's Right Leg if you're one of those jerks on twitter who follows trend accounts in lieu of funny, blogger's accounts that are AWESOME!  (Editor's Note:  Follow me on Twitter at @BungledBotched!)

Oh and for those of you interested in the actual awards, Meryl Streep took - nay STOLE - top actress from Jen Lindley of Dawson's Creek (on Cosmo channel everyday still at four BTW.)  The french dude who said two words in The Artist won best actor and his movie took top spot as best movie.

Then I fell back asleep...

...Nipple shadow - pfft!  Gimme a break!

Image Via www.gossipwhyfame.com