JeanPants Underwear Have Been Invented (So Everyone Can Just Relax Now)

Man, it's getting hard to pretend I'm not embarrassed about being a human being you guys...I mean, look at us, usin' our grand IQs to make seedless watermelons and create bacon perfume.  We invent shit like we're a bunch of stoned 18-year-olds.

Well here's another human invention that sounds like it came from a whacked out teenager - the Japanese have invented JeanPants...hold up, "denim and 'worn'-style underwear" that are sure to make other countries make fun of them mercilessly.  And you Americans thought you could take it easy eh?  Better create some more Pet Rocks, y'all!

Anywho, these disgusting excuses for an undergarment look just the way they sound...they look like bad, acid-washed, cut-off jean shorts...sexy!  Honey, that wasn't even sexy when it was sexy, you know?  The cotton gitches are allegedly unisex, but I think we can both agree that the bulge in the images suggests otherwise.  (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge boys.)

They sell for $61 US dollars (randomly) and if you buy them you should expect a life of less sex - if you already bought them then you should be ashamed of yourself - hear that?  Get outta here!  Seek help elsewhere and try to avoid hurting yourself or others with dull objects in the meantime.