Last night at 10 pm it was officially back, the show you are embarrassed to watch yet cannot turn off...The Jersey Mothereffing Shore!
The season 3 premiere did not disappoint as hurricane Snooki and the gang took over the shore for another shitstorm of reality TV excellence. It started off mild enough with all the mouth breathers heading back to the old school shore house in their pricey new cars. Those assholes Sammi and Ronnie got there first and took the biggest and best room effectively pissing off everyone else from the get go. Their arch enemy JWoww got there shortly after and moved into the other three-bed-room so she could stay with her besties, Snooki and the new girl Deena.
Everyone else but the Situation showed up in a tanning bed haze and they all shit talked Sammi and Ronnie for taking the big room for a while until Mike rolled in getting stuck in the boring couple's room as punishment beinga tool last to arrive. Should've cut the GTLing short. Then it was...wait for it...T-SHIRT TIME!
Nah, just kidding. Instead of heading out to one of their generic looking dance clubs to fist pump the hours away the group stays at the Scarface-swaddled house and proceed to get stupid wasted. All except for Sammi and Ronnie who choose to stay in their room and ignore each other awkwardly.
SIDEBAR: The new girl Deena is a little drunk, slutty pistol, eh?
After boozing it up for a while Snooki, Vinnie and Deena hit thebacteria trap hot tub and Vinnie and his huge dick get a little too flirty with Deena for Snooki's liking. Snooki no like! Snooki want smoosh smoosh! So, she starts some drunk rambling about Vinnie banging "her girl" Ryder and how she is jealous or something. She tries to kiss him but he rejects her Guidette advances pissing her off and sending her back to the hole she crawled out of.
Meanwhile Deena needs her cowboy hat. Where the fuck is Deena's cowboy hat??? Better get the Sitch and go check things out and find this bitch!
They head to her room and she stumbles around for a minute before putting on the damn hat and wants to show the Situation her bikini with the hat all the while pretending she isn't a whore. But, when she pulls her dress off she "accidentally" pulls her bottoms down flashing some vadge to the Sitch (who makes the scene even more hilarious by mugging to the camera and saying genius things like "Does the Situation want to get Situated?").
Everyone starts to head to bed but Deena wants to get her snuggle on so she heads over to harass the Situation. When Sammi starts laughing at Deena's dumb ass she freaks out and calls Sammi a C U Next Tuesday! This chick really came out of the gates titty's blazing and got so hammered she turned into a 4-foot-fuck-all, raging, naked cowboy! Ballsy!
That's pretty much where all Hell broke loose. A lot of mouthing off came to a head between the world's worst couple and spitfire Deena. They called each other bitches for a while when suddenly JWoww and Sammi start fighting! What is going on??? Props to Snooki for uttering "Even though we're tiny bitches...I don't give a shit. I will fucking attack you like a squirrel monkey!" amidst the madness.
And that was it, that was all. And it was awesome.
The season 3 premiere did not disappoint as hurricane Snooki and the gang took over the shore for another shitstorm of reality TV excellence. It started off mild enough with all the mouth breathers heading back to the old school shore house in their pricey new cars. Those assholes Sammi and Ronnie got there first and took the biggest and best room effectively pissing off everyone else from the get go. Their arch enemy JWoww got there shortly after and moved into the other three-bed-room so she could stay with her besties, Snooki and the new girl Deena.
Everyone else but the Situation showed up in a tanning bed haze and they all shit talked Sammi and Ronnie for taking the big room for a while until Mike rolled in getting stuck in the boring couple's room as punishment being
Nah, just kidding. Instead of heading out to one of their generic looking dance clubs to fist pump the hours away the group stays at the Scarface-swaddled house and proceed to get stupid wasted. All except for Sammi and Ronnie who choose to stay in their room and ignore each other awkwardly.
SIDEBAR: The new girl Deena is a little drunk, slutty pistol, eh?
After boozing it up for a while Snooki, Vinnie and Deena hit the
Meanwhile Deena needs her cowboy hat. Where the fuck is Deena's cowboy hat??? Better get the Sitch and go check things out and find this bitch!
They head to her room and she stumbles around for a minute before putting on the damn hat and wants to show the Situation her bikini with the hat all the while pretending she isn't a whore. But, when she pulls her dress off she "accidentally" pulls her bottoms down flashing some vadge to the Sitch (who makes the scene even more hilarious by mugging to the camera and saying genius things like "Does the Situation want to get Situated?").
Everyone starts to head to bed but Deena wants to get her snuggle on so she heads over to harass the Situation. When Sammi starts laughing at Deena's dumb ass she freaks out and calls Sammi a C U Next Tuesday! This chick really came out of the gates titty's blazing and got so hammered she turned into a 4-foot-fuck-all, raging, naked cowboy! Ballsy!
That's pretty much where all Hell broke loose. A lot of mouthing off came to a head between the world's worst couple and spitfire Deena. They called each other bitches for a while when suddenly JWoww and Sammi start fighting! What is going on??? Props to Snooki for uttering "Even though we're tiny bitches...I don't give a shit. I will fucking attack you like a squirrel monkey!" amidst the madness.
And that was it, that was all. And it was awesome.
No comments:
Post a Comment