WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
According to some namby pamby article on what looks like the Cosmo page of Yahoo we can get some disgusting germs from the most common places. And not just any germs - the gnarly germs, like E.Coli and Salmonella.
I am one of those jerks who looks shit like this up online and then cowers in a corner not touching anything for days...and we're an unpredictable bunch. We diagnose ourselves on the internet by punching in symptoms, we choose what we are going to wear based on what the weather network tells us and we believe that some gomer in cyberspace has the education to tell us what they perceive to be threatening to our everyday life. So here's what we have to fear this week (or until the next list comes out.)
YOUR PURSE
Big shock here! I don't know the last time I was in a public john and some broad didn't put her bag on the floor. The floor! Then they probably went home and put it on their kitchen counter. That's crazy talk...I don't even like walking on the floor! Anyways, if you are one of these chicks who doesn't respect or fear the public bathroom floor then all your purses are covered in feces and piss now. You've been warned.
MAKE-UP
This one seems a little weird to me and I haven't seen it on any other lists like this but in reading the article I'm thinking they mean the make-up that women try at the store. The samples. Bitch, if you're using these samples you deserve to get feces all over your face! Fuck E.Coli, how do you ever know that the last person who tried that lipstick wasn't a crudded-up hooker? Grosses me out.
CELL PHONE
Makes sense. Your hands are filthy so therefore your phone is filthy. Doesn't really matter, it's like the TV remote, you know it's covered in all sorts of crazy crap but you still use it in between handfuls of Doritos.
KITCHEN SPONGE
Yeah, I hear this one a lot. My sponge is dirtier than Charlie Sheen's girlfriends...yadda, yadda, yadda. Because I use a sponge I ignore this information with every inch of my body. For those who care, they recommend using a cloth you wash everyday or to kill the planet and use paper towels.
YOUR DESK
Ladies and gentlemen you are all officially disgusting employees. According to the article desks just don't get cleaned enough and they go on to say that people's desks are dirtier than toilet bowls. Ugh! Thank God I work at home. You people are a nasty bunch.
There you go, get out the Lysol and blind yourselves disinfecting your germiest of germy places. Oh, and you're welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment