It started in the OC…in the wake of a boom of Orange County-centric shows like Laguna Beach and of course, The OC. From there it grew into it’s own monster - they added New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, DC and then Beverly Hills - but I’ll get to those in another blog.
My main man - Andy Cohen is the programming mastermind behind this beast. As the Senior VP of Production and Programming at Bravo TV, a subsidiary of NBC Universal, he takes spoiled and entitled women and puts them and their family’s lives in a fishbowl for all of us to gawk at, usually pretty slack-jawed.
I must say, I loooove me some Andy Cohen! He’s a reality genius…a TV junkie’s heroine dealer. He is the brains behind Top Chef, Million Dollar Listing, Flipping Out and The Rachel Zoe Project to name a few. He finally won an Emmy last year for Top Chef, beating out the front runner The Amazing Race for the first time ever. Too bad he was out getting sloshed with Sarah Jessica Parker or one of his other celeb buddies and didn’t make it to the awards.
The OC started out as a small, cheapo-weapo, reality show. I remember checking it out in reruns and thinking who the Hell watches this garbage? Then, one episode at a time, they had me panting for more. I suppose the one housewife story I was most into was Jo and Slade. The resident young assholes - Slade loved to talk about how rich they were and Jo loved to talk about how drunk she was. Ultimately, they broke up so Slade banged one of the other Season 1 housewives Lauri in a feverish attempt to stay on the show. Then the stupid drunk one Jo got her own reality show spin-off so Slade went back to banging her.
The show failed miserably and basically so did they - both in a bullshit music career and a failed bid at movie stardom. He now bangs Gretchen, the token airhead on the OC Housewives, who though she is beautiful, may or may not be missing half her brain. She says things like, “His job is pleasuring me in bed.” when asked about her fake knight in shining armour’s non-job and giggles like an idiot when the other ladies tell her how much of a proven douchebag Slade is.
The other ladies are a bunch of jerks that pretend to be rich and happy until the end of the season reunion shows come, where they fight like tweens. We'll have to start at Season 5 as it is the most recent.
Vicki Gunvalson is the only original one left - she’s a cold fish who sits around telling everyone how hard she works while poking the others about how they don’t work. Boring! She was married to this dude Donn, who seemed to be the only rational person on the show - but they’ve since gone the way of most reality couples - divorce. She annoys everyone else on the show with her know-it-all attitude and has since said she may not return for season 6.
Tamra Barney is a really pretty blond who means well but stirs up shit constantly. She thinks she’s still in high school fighting to be Queen Bee. She had a controlling husband Simon who didn’t let her travel alone and basically treated her like snot but alas, that marriage is dunzo too. She has crazy cute kids who now live with her in a condo since the divorce (they had to sell the house in a short sale.) Her oldest son has been arrested more times then Charlie “Teflon” Sheen and I‘m sure was one of the reasons her bastard husband left. As the evil stepson he had constantly been a bane in Simon's existence. Vicki and Tamra are best friends and team up to torture Gretchen about some seriously messed up shit that played out on season 4 (and in the news) involving some scumbag named Jay Photoglou. Simon, since leaving, has taken the kids off the show for next season and Tamra has a new guy - Eddie Judge - who seems to be a new sugardaddy of sorts. Though young and hot he is now taking care of her as Simon no longer could (Simon quit/got fired from his lucrative job at Fletcher Jones to sell fancy booze).
The aforementioned Gretchen Rossi is a trip! She thinks she knows what’s going on, but girlfriend doesn’t have a clue. Still with Slade, amongst rumours they got engaged in the upcoming season, he has turned her into a clone of his precious Jo, without all the hooch. He even talked the dumb broad into buying Jo’s music so they could still profit off her. Basically, she’s a gold digger whose wealthy fiancé Jeff, died on the first season she was on. Now the tables seem to have turned - and she’s the one being played. I could go on about Slade and her forever so I'll move on. The main source of conflict amongst these ladies is a feud between Tamra and Gretchen that like I said involves an OC scumbag Jay Photoglou. The gist of it is that while Gretchen was with uber-rich Jeff apparently she was also with Jay. After things soured with Jay, he turned to Tamra and Simon (God only knows why) on a mission to destroy the clueless Gretchen. He called night after night divulging her shadiness in detail to the immature Barney's who in turn got super-pissed at Gretchen for involving them in the madness. Since, Jay's released some gnarly pics of Gretchen online (mostly to theDirty.com) and they've been in and out of court suing each other over defamation and lies.
Lynne Curtin stands around all day with her hands over her ears singing la-la-la-la, you know? Like little kids do. She seems to be fairly stoned most of the time and has been evicted four or five times. Her two princess daughters say “like” constantly and can barely speak English. They sound like they speak LA - that mystifying language that Paris Hilton and her cohorts speak. They were famously evicted on the show after her husband, Jim (I call him Jimmy Cooper from the OC) failed to pay a hefty deposit on their new home. It was not the first time...seems Jimmy Cooper can't say no you see. He doesn't say no to his dumbass wife and he certainly doesn't say no to his stupid kids. Thus, the emperor had no clothes. He spent money he never really had on plastic surgery and BMWs for his precious family...leading them to embarrassing public debt and reduced them to living in a gasp! condo. They've since been canned from the show.
Alexis is the new one - according to the sharks on the tabloid sites she is the only one in Housewife history who campaigned her ass off to get on the show. She’s married to Jim, a shiesty jackass who says nothing more about his career then that he’s an entrepreneur. Online it says something about him owning pawn shops and there seems to be an indiscretion involving sports memorabilia fraud. They have three kids they leave with a nanny constantly and won't exactly be winning parent of the year anytime soon. The 411 on Alexis is that she’s a megabitch who cheated on her first husband and has always longed to be rich and famous; she was also a Maxim Hometown Hottie (barf) back in the day.
The previous housewives (there were 6) show up every now and then in cameos but have generally all just faded into D-list tabloid fodder. Bravo never comments on why these ladies leave - I’ll certainly miss Lynne's stoned stupidity and underage drunk daughters. Two new housewives are on the way for season 6 - just more fresh meat for the masses to gorge on and spit out.
My main man - Andy Cohen is the programming mastermind behind this beast. As the Senior VP of Production and Programming at Bravo TV, a subsidiary of NBC Universal, he takes spoiled and entitled women and puts them and their family’s lives in a fishbowl for all of us to gawk at, usually pretty slack-jawed.
I must say, I loooove me some Andy Cohen! He’s a reality genius…a TV junkie’s heroine dealer. He is the brains behind Top Chef, Million Dollar Listing, Flipping Out and The Rachel Zoe Project to name a few. He finally won an Emmy last year for Top Chef, beating out the front runner The Amazing Race for the first time ever. Too bad he was out getting sloshed with Sarah Jessica Parker or one of his other celeb buddies and didn’t make it to the awards.
The OC started out as a small, cheapo-weapo, reality show. I remember checking it out in reruns and thinking who the Hell watches this garbage? Then, one episode at a time, they had me panting for more. I suppose the one housewife story I was most into was Jo and Slade. The resident young assholes - Slade loved to talk about how rich they were and Jo loved to talk about how drunk she was. Ultimately, they broke up so Slade banged one of the other Season 1 housewives Lauri in a feverish attempt to stay on the show. Then the stupid drunk one Jo got her own reality show spin-off so Slade went back to banging her.
The show failed miserably and basically so did they - both in a bullshit music career and a failed bid at movie stardom. He now bangs Gretchen, the token airhead on the OC Housewives, who though she is beautiful, may or may not be missing half her brain. She says things like, “His job is pleasuring me in bed.” when asked about her fake knight in shining armour’s non-job and giggles like an idiot when the other ladies tell her how much of a proven douchebag Slade is.
The other ladies are a bunch of jerks that pretend to be rich and happy until the end of the season reunion shows come, where they fight like tweens. We'll have to start at Season 5 as it is the most recent.
Vicki Gunvalson is the only original one left - she’s a cold fish who sits around telling everyone how hard she works while poking the others about how they don’t work. Boring! She was married to this dude Donn, who seemed to be the only rational person on the show - but they’ve since gone the way of most reality couples - divorce. She annoys everyone else on the show with her know-it-all attitude and has since said she may not return for season 6.
Tamra Barney is a really pretty blond who means well but stirs up shit constantly. She thinks she’s still in high school fighting to be Queen Bee. She had a controlling husband Simon who didn’t let her travel alone and basically treated her like snot but alas, that marriage is dunzo too. She has crazy cute kids who now live with her in a condo since the divorce (they had to sell the house in a short sale.) Her oldest son has been arrested more times then Charlie “Teflon” Sheen and I‘m sure was one of the reasons her bastard husband left. As the evil stepson he had constantly been a bane in Simon's existence. Vicki and Tamra are best friends and team up to torture Gretchen about some seriously messed up shit that played out on season 4 (and in the news) involving some scumbag named Jay Photoglou. Simon, since leaving, has taken the kids off the show for next season and Tamra has a new guy - Eddie Judge - who seems to be a new sugardaddy of sorts. Though young and hot he is now taking care of her as Simon no longer could (Simon quit/got fired from his lucrative job at Fletcher Jones to sell fancy booze).
The aforementioned Gretchen Rossi is a trip! She thinks she knows what’s going on, but girlfriend doesn’t have a clue. Still with Slade, amongst rumours they got engaged in the upcoming season, he has turned her into a clone of his precious Jo, without all the hooch. He even talked the dumb broad into buying Jo’s music so they could still profit off her. Basically, she’s a gold digger whose wealthy fiancé Jeff, died on the first season she was on. Now the tables seem to have turned - and she’s the one being played. I could go on about Slade and her forever so I'll move on. The main source of conflict amongst these ladies is a feud between Tamra and Gretchen that like I said involves an OC scumbag Jay Photoglou. The gist of it is that while Gretchen was with uber-rich Jeff apparently she was also with Jay. After things soured with Jay, he turned to Tamra and Simon (God only knows why) on a mission to destroy the clueless Gretchen. He called night after night divulging her shadiness in detail to the immature Barney's who in turn got super-pissed at Gretchen for involving them in the madness. Since, Jay's released some gnarly pics of Gretchen online (mostly to theDirty.com) and they've been in and out of court suing each other over defamation and lies.
Lynne Curtin stands around all day with her hands over her ears singing la-la-la-la, you know? Like little kids do. She seems to be fairly stoned most of the time and has been evicted four or five times. Her two princess daughters say “like” constantly and can barely speak English. They sound like they speak LA - that mystifying language that Paris Hilton and her cohorts speak. They were famously evicted on the show after her husband, Jim (I call him Jimmy Cooper from the OC) failed to pay a hefty deposit on their new home. It was not the first time...seems Jimmy Cooper can't say no you see. He doesn't say no to his dumbass wife and he certainly doesn't say no to his stupid kids. Thus, the emperor had no clothes. He spent money he never really had on plastic surgery and BMWs for his precious family...leading them to embarrassing public debt and reduced them to living in a gasp! condo. They've since been canned from the show.
Alexis is the new one - according to the sharks on the tabloid sites she is the only one in Housewife history who campaigned her ass off to get on the show. She’s married to Jim, a shiesty jackass who says nothing more about his career then that he’s an entrepreneur. Online it says something about him owning pawn shops and there seems to be an indiscretion involving sports memorabilia fraud. They have three kids they leave with a nanny constantly and won't exactly be winning parent of the year anytime soon. The 411 on Alexis is that she’s a megabitch who cheated on her first husband and has always longed to be rich and famous; she was also a Maxim Hometown Hottie (barf) back in the day.
The previous housewives (there were 6) show up every now and then in cameos but have generally all just faded into D-list tabloid fodder. Bravo never comments on why these ladies leave - I’ll certainly miss Lynne's stoned stupidity and underage drunk daughters. Two new housewives are on the way for season 6 - just more fresh meat for the masses to gorge on and spit out.
No comments:
Post a Comment