True Tori is Truly Fucked Up

Ugh!  Y'all watch this shit?

True Tori premiered last night on chick-friendly Lifetime and it was just as horrible as I thought it was going to be.

The richest poor woman on the planet (get a real job, nimrod) splashed her crappy marriage all over our televisions and brought her kiddies along for the ride.  Gross.  She insisted that she wanted a quick payday to tell her side of the story but this ain't my first rodeo and I know for a FACT that the daughter of Aaron Spelling knows damn well that no one can own their story in Hollywood.  Smoke and mirrors...  

The first ep focused on Tori and her wonky tits because Dean the douchebag is in "therapy" for being a piece of shit liar who can't keep his dick in his pants.

Following Tori and her kids in the first half, we see her display her astounding array of emotions...Victim, sad victim and less sad victim.  She doesn't do much else but try to cry through plastic surgery, drive her kids to school and go shopping for fabric with "friends."      

Oh yeah, she also threw a fit about the paps but whatthefuckbitch?  NEWSFLASH - You're on camera filming a reality show.  We can seeeee you...

When she finally met up with dumbass Dean who apparently is in a dirty man contest in therapy was when shit got real - she was told by the"therapist" (who refused to be on camera which isn't exactly the sign of a super legit doctor) that Dean is a humongoid liar who has lied his whole life.

Duh.  Tori watched him, hell she partnered up with him, to lie to their spouses (and his other kids tsk tsk) to hide an affair.      

Though the entire show was just a portrait of a really, really pathetic woman who has no damn self esteem - I kept hoping that when skinnybitch Tori was sitting on that leather couch lamenting about how crappy it is to be alone it would've been nice to hear her at least say something about how she now knows how it feels to be screwed over by Dean and she's sorry she was the other woman in his first divorce.

But that didn't happen.

So, screw it.  Imma just bottom line this for the poor little rich girl >

1.  Get those goddamn kids OFF this show.  Knowing that they have to go to school and deal with this is just sad as hell.  
2.  Divorce Dean and apologize to his ex-wife.  Obvi I'm not a Tori fan but I'm a fan of common fucking sense and know that more often than not what goes around comes around.  
3.  Eat a fucking sandwich, dude.  Jesus.  You traded any acting career you may have had to make this disgusting show and your husband said you sucked in bed on national TV...you can eat again now.

Seriously...little ham, little lettuce...throw some mayo on that shit...food is good.  

Image Via www.glossanddirt.blogspot.com

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