The Evolution of The Turducken - From Turducken to TurBaconEpic ...

All right, my portly North American friends!  It's that time of year again when y'all stuff your faces with foods that may or may not be stuffed with other foods and roast 'em up until greasy shit drips off them to make gravy with!  YAY!!!  Native Americans be damned - you gluttonous bitches love your turkey day!  Gobble, gobble!

So, in honor of your zest for making tasty Thanksgiving feasts - allow me to share with you the evolution of the "Turducken".

Since I'm a comic book type of gal, let's start with the origin story... the American origins of the dish can be traced back to Hebert's Specialty Meats in Louisiana.  The concept of putting meats into other meats and cooking them is much older but Hebert's site proudly claims that they are the home of the original turducken...apparently, an unknown local farmer brought in his own birds and asked Hebert's to prepare them like a turducken.  Since inception, variations have been churning out every couple of years (most of which just add to the meaty madness.)

Wikipedia defines the original turducken as, "...a dish consisting of a de-boned chicken stuffed into a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed into a de-boned turkey. The word turducken is a portmanteau of turkey, duck, and chicken or hen.  The thoracic cavity of the chicken/game hen and the rest of the gaps are stuffed, sometimes with a highly seasoned breadcrumb mixture or sausage meat, although some versions have a different stuffing for each bird. The result is a fairly solid layered poultry dish, suitable for cooking by braising, roasting, grilling, or barbecuing."  Lovely!

Image Via www.allrecipes.com

The only variations originally had to do with the stuffing...any stuffing can be used for this dish and most vary from maker to maker.  May I suggest this White Castle stuffing (right) in lieu of the boring old plain ones.  It sounds pretty disgusting and looks like barf but go nuts, this shit only comes once a year, right?  Some say why?  I say why not?
 

Image Via www.forums.mtbr.com

The most logical next step was simple...make a weave out of bacon  and drape it all ova' that bitch!  A turbaconducken if you will...Who doesn't like bacon???  Sometimes I just sit around and wonder where all the vegans go and secretly eat bacon...I bet it's the woods...(stupid tree huggers.)

Then some hungry genius thought, "We're such idiots!  Why only use three birds when we could be using SIX!?!"  My mind doesn't so much work that way but okay...bring it.

Image Via www.facebook.com

This six bird beast is called the Turgooduccochiqua.  It's a quail inside a cornish game hen inside a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey inside a goose with bacon in between each layer.  I like it.  I like it a lot...only thing is the name sucks!  Rename that shit!  Then we'll talk.


The final stage of the turducken's evolution is epic...as in the boys over at Epic Meal Time - these guys don't fuck around!  The TurBaconEpic (see that's a good name!) came to light last Thanksgiving and seems to be the be all end all of turduckenness (unless this year they shove this shit into a damn cow - in which case I just give up on life.)

Sidebar:  Doesn't it seem like recipes nowadays are all written by stoned teenagers???  Julia Child help us allllllll!

But I digress...

This sucker is a damn quail in a hen in a chicken in a duck in a turkey in a pig!  (Editor's Note: If you're a member of PETA don't read the rest of this shit because a small farm died to make this yummyness.)  In between layers is a bacon croissant stuffing, a shitload of bacon strips and something called "meat glue" (bacon mixed with veal sausage meat to make a paste.)  Still with me?

They stuff poor Wilbur with more bacon croissant stuffing and shove some more full bacon strips into the cavity and sew the pig up too.  They throw it on the smoker and baste it with a butter and Dr. Pepper glaze before covering the outside in more bacon strips.  They then garnish it with 7 Baconator burgers from Wendy's (you read it right) before serving.  That's fucking badass.   

Check out the video:



There you go!  The evolution of a legend explained...God bless innovation!

And HAPPY THANKSGIVING AMERICA!!!  From, your freewheeling neighbors to the North.

(Don't sneak in here to use our free healthcare though when your arteries are all clogged up!  I saw the movie Sicko, ya sneaky bitches!)   

Title Image Via www.thesalmons.org