The Real Housewives Music Machine - Who Sold the Most Copies of Their "Music"?

Do you ever wonder who the top dawg is in terms of Housewives "music"???  Who sells and who flops?

Well, neither do I but I stumbled across a list while cruising around Perez's crappy, inaccurate website and since I have some readers who, like me, bleed anything Housewives I thought I'd share... 

Taking the top spot with 101K downloads is blonde-wigged, Big Poppa loving, money grubbing songstress Kim Zolciak with her dance tune Tardy for the Party.  Not a big surprise - but perhaps props should go more to Kandi Burruss than Kimbo - her production value on the track was priceless and it would've sucked ballz if Kim had just done the original track the way the old dude had it.

Countess LuAnn de lesseps comes in second, selling a dismal 19K downloads with her Money Can't Buy You Class.  Apparently, money CAN'T buy you class, or any dignity for that matter!  Too bad LuMann hooked up with resident crazies Jill and Kelly because she was much more likable before those two piranhas got their designer-loving, name-dropping hooks into her...maybe she'll go back to being more tolerable if Jillousy and Cuckoo Kelly get dumped this season like their BFF Rob Shuter reports, but methinks it's too late for her to save herself from the big old mess that took place last season.  I don't have the numbers for the other tune, Chic C'est la Vie - but I imagine they're not much better.   

New Jersey Housewife Melissa Gorga scored 8K downloads with her dance track On Display.  But hers hasn't been out for very long in comparison to the others.  Her song is one of the most tolerable (along with Kimbo's) so I'm not even tryin' to hate on her - she seems like a pretty cool chick actually - but maybe I've been watching assholes too long on that particular installment...not naming any names here but they rhyme with Shmermesa and Banielle... 

Miss Photoglou Gretchen Rossi sold a sucky 5K for that god awful Nothing Without You love song.  I'll give her a break here because I do feel bad that she lost her sugardaddy to cancer - that's a helluva disease...but I DO wish she'd come clean about Jay - I've seen the pics, jerk!  Can't really lie your way out of picture proof (though she keeps trying.)  No word on what Revelation sold though she promoted that track much more so it prob did better. 

Next up we have Danielle Staub with that piece of garbage - Real Close.  That sucker sold 3K downloads and really, really blew.  Like, if you could get a Grammy for Shittiest Song, she probably would've won it.  I also hate that she was all faux lesbian during the release of the song...so sick.  Dumbass!

Simon van Kempen's I Am Real sold 1K, and yeah I realize he's not a housewife but he may as well fucking be!  I don't mind Simon at all but girlfriend is ALL about the show eh?  I swear he gets more camera time than that bore Cindy.  But in my opinion, that's not necessarily a bad thing...

Michaele Salahi's Bump It was downloaded less than all of the above with a pathetic 122.  Yikes!  I could probably sell more than that if I made a track of my cat meowing while I eat Cheetos.  She's a pretty hated woman though and though it's admittedly a little fun to watch these bitches make asses of themselves on TV - we don't exactly want to HEAR them make asses of themselves on a song.  Not so hot!  Maybe now that she's bounced from Turdball Tareq for the dude from Journey she'll get more respect in the music industry...nah probably not! 

We'll see how many more crappy songs these guys can push out during their "fame" run - Just remember what happened when Jo thought her shit didn't stink and went off to conquer the music world, ladies!  Nothing!

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