The Situation Is In Rehabilitation

TMZ reports that The Situation AKA Mike Sorrentino has checked into an inpatient rehabilitation program for substance abuse.  His camp (which I think means his brother) isn't confirming, but his brother PR guy is saying that he "has spent the past several weeks at an undisclosed location for much needed rest and recuperation after his extensive production and appearance schedule."

(Okay, that was pretty articulate...so maybe it's not his brother...)

Apparently, the cast and crew of the show were getting increasingly concerned as the season went on.  During the camping trip, they noted he was "sweatier" and more "paranoid" than usual...for those of us watching it was pretty weird that he acted like a crazy little girl most of the season.  And remember when his dick was hanging out of his camo shorts for like 5 goddamn minutes on the roof talking to Snooki?  I'm willing to bet some shore store shirts that he was higher than a Lohan there!

Also, that toolbag buddy of his The Unit got busted last summer with some of Paris Hilton's coke on him at the infamous shore house.  I could totally picture those two snorting lines of coke off of each other's chiseled abs and then crotch-bumping each other in their A&F boxers...

Jokes aside - hope he gets the help he needs.

Image Via www.gadling.com

Sean Young Should Win an Oscar for Most Pathetic Arrest

Oh snap!  Sean Young is effin' cray, yo!

Check out the stunt she pulled the other night at the Oscar party of Oscar parties, the Governor's Ball.

Here's the lowdown...

Sean Young (who was a pretty big deal back in the day - Blade Runner anybody?) got arrested for assaulting a security guard outside the Governor's Ball!  For those of you not in the know so to speak, the Gov's ball is a big effin' deal after the Oscars.  It's like a mixture of pretentious Wolfgang Puck cuisine, BOTH of Angelina's legs and usually Leo!  LEO!!!

Young was allegedly outside the swanky event she wasn't invited to taking pictures with A-listers on their way in - um, WTF, bitch?  I'd feel bad for her but I save all my pity for starving kitty cats, not washed up desperado celeb wannabes.

Apparently, Missus Crazypants nabbed some pretty sweet shots of herself posing with Saint Angelina of Pittopia and Sandra Bullock to name a few.  She promptly shared them to Facebook in a bold (yet super lame) power move and then the amateur paparazzi/former movie star was promptly placed under citizen's arrest by a member of Academy security.

Ha ha - Citizen's arrest?  People do that shit?  

Anyways, she had said she wasn't bothering anyone so they should just leave her the hell alone but when the guy grabbed her arm to place her under citizen's arrest (lol) she smacked him away...and ta-da!  That's assault, brutha!  She got released on $20K bail and insists that footage from X-17 will exonerate her.

Young continues to insist the Academy will issue her a public apology any day now...most likely the day that monkeys fly outta her butt.        

LOOK INTO YOUR FUTURE, LINDSAY!!!

(There.  That should scare the hell outta her.)

Image Via www.onlineathens.com

Michael Lohan Applied for a Job at Burger King

Well, damn!  Didn't this mesh-shirt-wearing trick used to work on Wall Street or something?  Yikes!

The father of former actress/current dirtbag Lindsay Lohan, applied for a job at a BK yesterday in Palm Beach.  He has just been released from a residential treatment facility into a halfway house and the people there recommended he find a job to pass the time.

No word on if he's been hired or not but whether dude gets the gig or not, this guy needs to seriously re-evaluate his life, man!  Jumping out of windows, kissing Kim G., getting arrested over blow jobs...It's just too much!

Seriously.  It really is.

Image Via www.mamarazzi.org

Demi Moore is Going to Rehab for Exhaustion - UPDATED: Homey was Doing Whip Its!

Demi Moore is sleepy, y'all!     

She's prob pretty tired of being so goddamn skinny!  Man!  If I were her I'd be all, Get me a sandwich, you common bitches!  And make it from the testicles of 12 men!!!  

For realz though - Malnourishment could be part of the reason she's soooo tired (just speculating)...

Anyways, according to her rep - because she's so whacked out on wine sleepy all the time she's checked into a facility (*cough* rehab) to get some allegedly much needed ZZZs for a while.

TMZ however spins a pretty different story and says that the cougar has substance abuse problems that she is now seeking help with.  I'll cop to the fact that right now I'm thinkin' this just screams BOOZE!  Word on the street a while back was that she fell off the hooch wagon onto a pile of Kabbalah wine but I figured since Kelso went all Charlie Sheen on her, we should all chill the fuck out and let her have a few BlueBallTinis.  I didn't see all the Immadrunkydrunk signs though!!!  My bad.

She was admitted on Tuesday to a rehab facility who specializes in helping super-tired people kick that nasty habit of feeling sleepy.

Best of luck!  Get some ZZZs, girlfriend!

UPDATED 25/01/12:  Oh snap!  TMZ is now reporting that homegirl was doing freakin' Whip-its!  You know that thing that trailer trash and tweens do to get their buzz on by sucking the nitrous oxide out of a can of whipped cream???   It was the reaction to inhaling it (and when common sense stepped the fuck in) that prompted her to be hospitalized.  Damn, girl!  That's whack.

WHACK.

Image Via www.twitter.com

Michael Lohan is Easing Tareq Salahi's Break-Up Pain - VIDEO

Oh good!  Because that guy's not crazy at all!  (Rolling eyes.)

TMZ posted a video of Tareq and his new bestie Michael chumming it up at a restaurant.  The pap got in some good q's and Tareq told him how he felt "betrayed."  Ha!  Karma's a bitch, dude!  Tareq has betrayed a shitload of people in the past!  Stealing money, time, charitable donations and America's damn dignity by generally being an all-around criminal.

Oh and note Papa Lohan's face in the background...homie doesn't look too impressed that his new BFF won't STFU.  This is all a little funky smelling because there had been some sort of brouhaha a while back on Celebrity Rehab wherein Michael said Tareq and his idiot wife (at the time) stiffed him on rent or something but Michael's whole deal is attaching himself to whoever D-lister is getting publicity at the moment...remember his hot second with Jon Gosselin???  The fuck was THAT about?



Image Via www.okmagazine.com

Rachel Uchitel Says Some Dumb Shit to Page Six

Tiger Woods hobag numero uno gave an interview to The NY Post's Page Six yesterday and handed them a pretty gnarly quote about her ex-fiance dying on 9/11.

She told the gossip column, "I believe Andy [my fiance] was meant to die because he was too good. It would have been tragic if we got into fights and then divorced…I'm glad I didn't get to see any flaws that time brings on everyone. I would [otherwise] be a fat housewife with three kids living in Sands Point, Long Island."

Yeah, fuck being a housewife!  Bitch please!  You should be so lucky...

Uchitel has gone on from the tragedy to make half a mill a year as a whore hostess for Tao and also made some bullshit appearance on Celebrity Rehab for being addicted to love.  She is now moving to San Fran with her new man and looking to become the housewife she never wanted to be...

"I never wanted [kids]... but I know how much I love my dogs, and I think I'd make a good mother to my own kids," she said.  Dumbass.

Uchitel has since put Page Six on blast saying they effed her over and that she was "not only misquoted, but the quotes were taken wholly out of context."

Page Six ain't budging though and are standing by their original article.

Your move, hobag!

Image Via www.tvshark.com

Michael Lohan, Kate Major and Kim G - What the Hell is Going On?

Okay - I don't want to get sucked too much into this horseshit but alas, since these crazy shows of mine are all coming together into a shitstorm of real/reality synergy - I CAN'T help myself!!!

So it all started with a kiss, with Michael Lohan's lips meeting Kim Granatell's in a disgusting display of frenching - they swore up and down that it was true - others said it was for one of those reality shows Michael keeps "making" (you know, the ones that never actually go on the air???  Divorced Dads anyone???)

Then it found its skeezy way to YouTube where Kim G basically told that drunk jackass Kate Major to go screw herself because Michael was HERS!  (Check out that vid - she's such an idiot!)  She also tweeted a bunch of garbage about the supposed love affair with Lindsay's daddy, but then said she was hacked and that she wasn't with Lohan...ugh.  I don't know how you hack someone's dumb ass into a crappy YouTube vid - Granatell can't think of a lie good enough to explain that one...yet... 

Then it seemed to have made its ugly way to Celebrity Rehab - where Lohan's on again, off again, on again, off again trainwreck of a fiance, Kate Major, started some sort of shitshow on camera...seriously, it got ugly!

Amidst a phone call from hell between him and a fairly obviously inebriated Major, she broke down over the aforementioned pics of the kiss on TMZ.  Stay with me now...

So, she got all gangsta on Lohan, he almost had a GD heart attack and she showed up at the rehab center.  A screaming match ensued - he kept insisting the kiss was fake, she threw some jabs about no one liking him not even his family and he told her he was only with her because she let him put it "in every hole."  GROSS!  TMI mofo!  TMI!!!

Kim G is now staying mum about the matter, Michael Lohan says they didn't show the whole story and Kate Major is drunk and possibly dying in an alley while clutching a picture of Michael while whispering sad shit like, I wish I was Lindsay...

Just kidding, Kate spewed some crap on twitter saying, "Ahh to clear up the fake editing on celeb rehab- that night I was getting my nails done and went to cvs when I got a disturbing text about a pic. I wasn't drinking and refused to go & was forced to. It's all lies all I would need rehab for is getting over the fake slander I faced on that show."

Whatever the hell that means...who forced her???  Dr. Drew???

In my estimation - these people are fucking CRAZY!!!  They should all be in rehab dammit!  And not Dr. Drew's Disneyland rehab - a real one - then maybe, just maybe, they can all get the help they need and fade away already...they're making my ass stupider just watching them.

Image Via www.realhousewivesofgossip.blogspot.com

Amy Winehouse Checks Into Rehab Again...Stops for a Bottle of Vodka on the Way

Bam!  Now THAT'S what I call going to rehab! 

This chick is a trip, eh?  After throwing away one of the most promising music careers in possibly years, Amy Wino has checked herself back into rehab supposedly due to her daddy's urging.

That's not really news because Wino checkin' into rehab is like Lindsay getting arrested but aye, here's the rub...

This crazy asshole stops off on the way to pick up a bottle of vodka, gets wasted like it's nineteen-ninety-motherfucking-nine, stumbles into a hair salon's shitter, barfs all over and then comes out and says "I just puked all over your bathroom," to an employee!  Man, this girl makes Courtney Love look like an amateur!   

Image Via www.ticketdirekt.net

Stifler is Out of Rehab

Um okay - thanks for telling us?

TMZ reports, Seann had voluntarily sought treatment for "health and personal issues" back in March - and today a source connected with the actor tells us, "He completed the 30 days successfully ... he's doing great."

And here I was - not knowing he even went in!  Good for him though!  "Health and personal issues" definitely sounds like he was doing some serious smack off the ass of a drunk Saigon hooker so I'm glad he's all cleaned up now!

Image Via www.tvguide.com

Michael Lohan is Dating Kim G - And Has Yet Another Incident at Celeb Rehab

In the latest WTF celeb news, that idiot Michael Lohan is dating that other idiot Kim Granatell (more famously known as Kim G) from the Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Mourning another death of his daddy/daughter bond with original gangsta Lindsay Lohan, MiLo has found solace and a new short lived faux fame in the arms of the shit-starting Kim G.  Astrochicks reports that he's been texting her some lovey dovey crap like "You are beautiful inside and out" and "I need a fire, a fur rug a snowy night and you."  Ugh - I'd like to light 'em both on fire.

Apparently Kim is just as in love telling Astrochicks that Michael "...doesn't have a saggy ass and...is a good kisser."

Classy as always bitch.  Wonder what her kids think of this...So dumb.

Oh yeah - in more interesting minor celeb news - Michael's crazy ex-fiance Kate Major (that dumbass who quit her job at Star Mag because she thought Jon Gosselin was in love with her lol) is claiming he whacked one of her friends in the face.  It all went down at Dr. Drew's fake rehab and apparently had something to do with her showing up for a photo op therapy session and her finding out MiLo was a lying prick.  Duh!  What's wrong with this chick it's like she has the words "gullible asshole magnet" tattooed on her forehead!

She left - he followed her - the cameras followed them - and then she says he ripped off her bracelet and punched her buddy or something.  Major says it's all on camera.

Christ, Hollywood is getting so white trash.

Image Via www.realhousewivesofgossip.blogspot.com

Did Michaele Salahi Lie About Having MS?

Well, I effing hope not!

As much as I don't want someone to have to suffer with a disease (even if it is a piece of shit bottom feeder like this chick) if she lied about having MS that's nuttier than crashing the White House uninvited a portapotty at a peanut festival!

Absurdtosublime.net is reporting that when Michaele signed on for Celebrity Rehab:

"Dr. Drew did a thorough medical examination of her, including a full neurological check-up, and she is fine. Michaele is all drama, that is her main issue.”

AtoS says this is proof that she's a crazy, lying jerk who is crazy and lies.  Did I mention she is a crazy liar?

But, I'm still on the fence with this one because they didn't outright say that she didn't have MS.  Just that upon a full neurological check-up Dr. Drew found nothing wrong with her.

May be semantics, may be proof.  Hard to keep up with the crazies.  I have a hard enough time keeping up with those Kardashian bitches.

Image Via www.thehollywoodgossip.com

Michaele Salahi Kicked Off Celebrity Rehab

Michaele Salahi has been ousted from the new season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew because...

1)  She's not a celebrity
2)  She's not an addict
3)  She's a self-absorbed asshole who doesn't need any more attention for bad behavior or
4)  All of the above

If you guessed 4.  Ding, ding, ding.  Go get yourself a motherfucking Oreo because you, my friend, are a winner!

VH1 sent out this statement:

"The treatment program that Celebrity Rehab documents is intended for individuals with serious substance abuse and addiction issues," VH1 said in a statement to E! News. "Prior to the taping of the current season, producers were advised that Michaele Salahi met the criteria to be treated in this setting. However, professional assessments spanning from that time to the present, found that she did not meet such criteria. As a result, she is no longer participating in the program."

I hear from other sources that she thought having MS was a rehab issue!  WTF dude?  Does her brain even work anymore with all that soaked up peroxide???

Her fucktard hubby Tareq told RadarOnline that:

"She was really leaning on Dr. Drew who is a respected doctor to get her through some of the issues after the White House, when she went to Congress, when she went into relapse with her Multiple Sclerosis. She takes this very seriously. My wife takes her health situation very seriously, she has a real diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. You know, we can show you a bunch of emails about what they wanted her to pretend to be, therefore, but that's going to come out later on with one of the major networks."

Oh Em Effing G!  He thinks that MS is a valid rehab issue too!  Isn't that special?  Wait - I mean aren't they special?   She "takes her health situation very seriously"?  Then why the fuck would she want Drew to help her?  Since when does an addiction specialist know anything about MS?  And PS one of my very good friends has MS and it's some serious shit!  Michaele does not seem that sick.

If the crazy bitch does actually have it, I'll eat my words like a fat kid scarfing down an In and Out burger but as of now, I ain't buying it.  Sounds like someone crying wolf again...

Try again assholes.

Image Via www.snarkerati.com

Mike Starr is Dead at 44

Mike Starr, one of the founding members for Alice in Chains and their original bassist back in the day has died at 44 in his home in Salt Lake City.

The cause of death has not been disclosed yet but he was a hard-partying drug addict most of his life, he was on Celebrity Rehab in 2009 for his drug problems and had a hard time kicking a heroine addiction.

RIP Mike.

Image Via www.classicrockmagazine.com

Michael Lohan Is All Kinds of Pissed Off at Tareq Salahi

Lindsay's idiot father Michael is a trip, yo!  How does this guy get himself involved in everything that ever happens???  Guy's like Forrest fucking Gump, man!

Anyways, in MiLo's latest incident I guess he rented an apartment to the gruesome twosome Salahi's for $2500 for 3 weeks and they didn't pay him his money.

What is he?  New?  That's what these assholes do!  It's like their thing.  You know how being a hobag is Tila Tequila's thing?  Well this is their thing.  Not paying for shit and crashing parties they shouldn't be at.

RadarOnline took a break out of taping Charlie Sheen every two seconds and got some gnarly video of Michael and Tareq fighting through the paps.  The video is weird though.  The first part has MiLo bitchin' and moanin' about his "owed" money and talking up Dr. Drew like he has a ten inch penis (he even takes a low blow shot at Tareq for "not caring about his wife and pulling her out of the program when she needs help" which I don't even think happened) and then the second part is that lying fuck Tareq alluding to the fact that this was just entertainment and good showmanship on Michael's part.

Hmmm.  Tough to tell who to believe...

Bottom line seems to be that Tareq never paid Michael for renting him and his stupid Barbie doll wife the apartment, Michael wants his money and is pissed that he's not as famous an anyone else and Dr. Drew's reality show "Celebrity Rehab" is probably a big fake mess of spoiled and overacting D-list celebutards.  (It is kind of shady that the Celebrity Rehab cameras were reportedly on site taping.)

I don't really care - I love that show!  Fake or real?  Who gives a rats ass?  I say serve them all up on a skewer and let's all sit back with a beer and enjoy the show!

And man, I am going to watch the shit out of this season!

Image Via www.okmagazine.com

Celebrity Rehab Casting in Progress

This has got to be a joke.  A really bad joke.  A fucking shitball of a joke that is not even good enough to jerk off good jokes.

Casting for the new season of Celebrity Rehab has begun and check out who's going to be on the trainwreck show next, Michael Douchebag Lohan and infamous White House crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi!

WTF is that?  In the words of Nene Leakes, Shut up!  That is sooo stoopid!!!

First off, I thought that dumbass Michael was all squeaky clean and sober and even working at a rehab center helping out any kid in trouble he didn't father and secondly, since when are those assholes the Salahis in need of rehab?  I watched them crash the White House and the whole season of their Housewives of DC exploits and I barely saw them drink their own crappy wine.

Can you get rehabbed for being a fucktard?

Oh yeah, you can.  Jesse James did a while back...Other "celebs" who will join this trifecta of society's garbage include Dwight Gooden (former NY Mets pitcher), Hobie from Baywatch and that crazy biatch Bai Ling.  PS -LiLo has already spoken out about the sitch saying she's worried Michael will embarrass the family and not use his paycheque to take care of his child support to Dina.  Oy Vey!  These freakin' Lohans, can't keep their big mouths shut.  Just stay the fuck home - all of y'all!  It worked for Britney and she was damn near half dead at one point...Sometimes it needs to not be about a paycheque, Christ - have a little dignity!

Images Via www.tmz.com

Jeremy London Was Actually Kidnapped - Wasn't Lying Like Everyone Thought

Well slap my ass and call me Julia Salinger!

If anyone remembers about a year ago when the Mallrats guy said he was kidnapped and forced to smoke crack by a bunch of tools, this one's a doozy.  Mofo was actually telling the truth!

After a year of people calling him a low down, dirty, drug addict liar he has gotten some sort of validation in the fact that one of the douchers (Brandon Adams) who kidnapped him came clean and pled guilty to the reduced charge of misdemeanor vehicle theft and felony false imprisonment.

He gave the press an earful earlier today and said he's been sober for a while.  He also thanked Dr. Drew for his help on the "reality" show Celebrity Rehab and for helping him through his post-traumatic stress with the incident.

Really didn't see this one coming!  But it's nice to know the dude's not just crazy...good for him!

Image Via www.nndb.com

Celebrity Rehab Gone Wild

Is anyone watching this season of Celebrity Rehab?  Jesus Christ!  I've seen some crazy shit on TV but this is a trainwreck and a half.

Janice Dickinson is being bat shit crazy and pushing everyone's buttons while simultaneously self-destructing and talking about suicidal tendencies...yikes.  Keshia Cole's mother apparently thinks she's a gang member and fights with everyone while swearing like a carnie.  Gummi Bear has quit heroin and it would seem that has turned him into a raging lunatic and the others just sit around and trash talk each other.

Not to mention, Eric Roberts, who has taken a weird spot in the limelight, calling Janice a C U Next Tuesday and opening up the most about his issues...but who cares about him though right?

I watched all the previous installments aside from the first I think (unless that was the one with that stupid porn star Mary Carey) and they were wild too but this time their is a noticeable feeling of ambivalence.  Kind of like no one is their to get well or even be on TV.  It feels like they are all just there, and mind you very pissed off about that fact, and are going to act out every chance they get.

Good luck Dr. Drew.

Celebrity Rehab 4

December 5th marks the premiere of Celebrity Rehab season 4 - in Canada anyway - and as someone who used to think this show was a gross exploitation of the user celebrities who take part, I must admit, last year they hooked me.

The pseudo-celebs they had on season 3 had a few real ones mixed in and that is the only reason I started watching it - also for some unknown and possibly sick reason I feel an inexplicable attraction for Dr. Drew.  He’s sexy in a doctor-with-an-attitude kind of way, I‘d definitely hit that…but I digress.

I watched season 3 because Tom Sizemore was on it and I’m a huge fan of his.  I’m also for some reason super fascinated with the Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss - I highly recommend watching a doc or two about her - though a little hokey she is one interesting (and super smart) lady!  Throw them together in this house with sexy Dr. Drew and I was in.  Didn’t hurt either that Dennis “Hung like a Horse” Rodman was skulking around behind all the Heidi/Tom drama writhing in denial and a little self-loathing.

Tom Sizemore and Heidi Fleiss did set off a firestorm of tragic love/hate during the rehabilitation and were surprisingly candid, he brought me to tears twice…and I certainly didn’t expect that.

Season 4 should be a shit show as well but there are no real celebs here.  The cast includes Laguna Beach douchebag Jason Wahler, Tiger Wood’s #1 ho Rachel Uchitel, socialite train-wreck Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis and the self-proclaimed world’s first supermodel Miss Janice Dickinson.  There are a few others like Jeremy London (Griffin from Party of Five), Leif Garrett (who I only know from Dickie Roberts and touring with The Melvins but was apparently the Justin Bieber of the 70s) and Julia Robert’s brother who we’ll just call Julia Robert’s brother because I don‘t really care about him.  There are two more no-names that are just filling out the cast, taking up space.

Because the upcoming season has no one that can be considered a star, at one point it was going to be cancelled due to lack of interest.  For a Hollywood millisecond Lindsay Lohan’s name was thrown into the mix, I assume to create hype because bitch please!  Even though she hasn’t made a movie since 2007 - she hasn’t fallen so far she needs Dr. Drew all up in her bizness to make a buck.

I also recall someone throwing out the name Tila Tequila, but thank God that didn’t happen, she took her Shot at Love (probably right in the face) on reality TV already and now we are done with that crazy hobag…moving on.

So, tune in for this goat rodeo - even if you didn’t like the others, I didn’t either - it’s a rare peek into the lives of addicts in Hollywood.