Bride Sews Baby onto Wedding Gown Train...Internet Goes Apeshit

You wanna know what you call 5000 bridezillas at the bottom of the ocean???

A good start!

Ba-da-rump-pump-paaaaa!

So let's just be real...in general, brides can be pretty fucking crazy.  I watch that Bridezillas nonesense.  It's no joke!

These chicks want what they want when they want it and everyone else can go screw themselves - in this particular case, this bride wanted her newborn baby sewn onto the train of her wedding dress.

So romantic...

Essentially, Shona Carter-Brooks from Tennessee attached her one-month-old daughter, Aubrey, to the train of her wedding dress and dragged her cute little baby ass down the aisle and as expected, online criticism ensued...

The lovely bride posted this on facebook in response to the "haters" >

"We do what we want when we want long as Jesus on our side everything worked out fine and gone continue to be fine...Our 1 month old was awake and well secured on my train. Most important while yall got ya feelings in us we had our hearts in Christ which covers all!!"

Lol Hmmmm.  Interesting response...a little ghetto but that's all right no judgement...Go Jesus!

When it comes down to it it is up to the mother to do whatever the hell she thinks is right with her baby but generally it's prob best to not put a baby on the floor in any circumstance...

What if someone steps on your kids head, man?  Or kicks them in their wittle face???  Who knows what could happen at a wedding?  Open bars...slutty bridesmaids...fucking antipasto!   It's a toxic mix and anything can happen to a floor baby!

But hey, you do you, boo.  I'm no mother...I have cats.

(I do know enough not to drag my fucking cats around on the goddamn floor though...dumbass.) 

Just sayin'. 

Images Via www.cbc.ca

Jenelle Evans Got Married (Not to Ke$ha Though...)

Oh shiz!

Primetime hot mess and Ke$ha supafan Jenelle Evans is Jenelle Rogers now!  She married her fiance Courtland Rogers (second fiance this year) in a quickie courthouse wedding.  The two had been dating a whopping 2 months and had been through some crazy crap in the short period including drug allegations, baby mama drama and there was even some sort of kidnapping buuuullshit.  

She's previously said that she and Courtland wanted to get hitched quickly and that there was a reason but wouldn't elaborate.  As of right now, neither has custody of their kids.

Oh and PS - He took her to the Olive Garden afterwards lol.

Good luuuuck!

Images Via www.twitter.com

Teen Mom Jenelle Evans is Engaged...Again

I don't even really want to post on this garbaaaaaj because the thing with resident Teen Mom fuck up Jenelle Evans is that she lies - she lies ALL the time...bitch lies so much she's even lying when she's telling the truth!

So the latest lie seems to be that she's once again (for the third time this year lol) met her soulmate!!!  Yay!  Teenage drugged out soulmates for everyone!!!  Huzzah!

What has come out of this lie is a brand spanking new engagement ring and proposal from her latest soulmate - some Kieffah wannabe named Courtland Rogers she's been dating for a whopping two months.  (Check out Starcasm for the dirt on this yokel.)

Essentially brah's just your typical reformed drug dealer with a heart of gold!  He also has a kid like Jenelle that he never sees but (also like Jenelle) claims that it's someone else's fault - His "EVIL" baby mama - whom both of them have been calling a crackhead who kidnapped her own kid on social media for the last couple of weeks.  Not sure who's fault it is that he doesn't pay child support but I'm sure marrying an MTV star will help him out with that shit.  ;)

Winner winner crackhead dinner!

She posted this to twitter >

I give it about three days until she's calling it off because that's what she does she's "sooo upset" and he doesn't "care about her at all" and possibly pulling her signature move where she screams "Leeeeeaaaaavvvvve me alooooone!" until she gets the pot she claims she needs to deal with life.

The aftermath of the engagement that will NEVER lead to a wedding has left several of her past victims/soulmates reeling...Yes, somewhere Kieffah is crying into all she left his pipe-making ass with - his beloved green hoody, Gary Head is awaiting a discharge from the Marines because she said he smacked her around after they got arrested for drugs and mama Babs is screamin' "Dammit Jaaahnelle!  I hope you have fun livin' ohn tha streets witcher boooooyfriend!"

Unreal.

Images Via Twitter

Justin Timberlake's Wedding Happened

Damn that Jessica Biel and her ass that won't quit!  Damn them both to hell!

It makes me sad that so shortly after hearing the heartbreaking news that Ryan Reynolds married Serena Van der Hobag I had to see this HORSESHIT on a newsstand...

BAM!

Justin's off the market too now!  Heartbreaking!

They had a perfect ass $6.5 million wedding this past Friday - I'm not going to get too into the details because quite frankly I don't care but here's the cliffs notes for those of you into this sort of thing >

- She wore Giambattista Valli and Justin wore Tom Ford

- It took place in Puglia, Italy
-No one from 'NSync was there

- Guests were flown in by private jet

- He serenaded her with a song he wrote for the occasion

- Jimmy Fallon was there

Congrats to the couple!  I don't think I could've put up with that pop singing shit anyways...

Image Via www.people.com

Avril Lavigne is ENGAGED to Chad Kroeger

Avril Lavigne was dating Chad Kroeger?

Ha!  What a loser!!!!

Well, fuck just dating him, now Avril is going to become Mrs. Nickelback according to TMZ sister-site, TooFab...

Um...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wasn't this trick like JUST dating my boo Brody Jenner a hot minute ago?  Honestly, I didn't even really know that they broke up and I'm a borderline stalker, man!  (I prefer the term supafan BTW.)

Yesterday (which just happened to be mine AND Brody's birthday - DESTINY, YO!) her rep announced via People Magazine that the pop punk poser got engaged to the too-damn-old-for-her-if-you-ask-me warbler on August 8.  He popped the question with a pear-shaped, 14 karat ring.  This will be her second marriage before she's thirty and his first (shocker!)

Kind of a dick move to announce it on Brody's birthday though, eh?  DICK MOVE!

Kroeger told Hello! Mag - "I knew I was falling for her. It was incredibly powerful and something I'll never forget."  He also said he feels "like the luckiest person alive."

Avril told the mag, "He makes me laugh every day. He takes care of me in every way and is extremely attentive."

Gimme a minute to roll my eyes back into my damn head.

Ugh!  I don't care how attentive he is...HE'S CHAD KROEGER! 

Thanks for not marrying Brody!

PS - Here's the rock for those of you into that...

Title Image Via www.justjared.com
Post Image Via www.toofab.com

Zack Morris Got Married

Haha!  Zack Morris was my jam back in the day!

Mark-Paul Gosselaar was the Ferris Bueller of Bayside and generally spent most of his time buggin' Mr. Belding and talking on a fucking HUGE cell phone in the squeaky clean Saved by the Bell on NBC in the 90s.

And make no mistake - that shit was 90s!  Now he stars on some lawyer show that looks pretty dope with the stoner dude from Clueless called Franklin and Bash...

Well, on Saturday Preppy went and got hitched to his lady of a few years (who wasn't on Saved by the Bell - Boo!) Catriona McGinn.  They wed at a winery in Cali, Neil Lane designed the ring, blah, blah, cliche wedding shit, blah...

No word on if Kelly Kopowski and Slater were there but I betcha Screech wasn't!  Sex tape making jerk off!  And did y'all catch him on Celeb Fit Club?  Hooooly effin douchebag!  Poor Jessie Spano was prob off hopped up on caffeine pills and waiting for her next big musical break at The Max - expect more Showgirls less I'm So Excited this time 'round.

Gosselaar and McGinn will be headed to Italy for their honeymoon where Flushels the Clown told People Mag that they will "Eat their asses off!"

In case any of you stalking motherfuckers wanna get your...you know, stalk on.

(Just kidding - don't do that creepy shit!)

But I digress...Congrats!!!

Image Via www.people.com

Anti-Cheating Wedding Rings For Sale

Hahahaha!  Product of the day, yo!  Mark that bitch's ring finger!

Peep this titanium wedding ring - it's perfect for crazy paranoid women who, for some reason or another, are afraid that they may have married a cheater.  It embeds the ring finger with the words 'I'm Married' when removed.

The "Anti-Cheating ring" is available exclusively from www.thecheeky.com >

LOL > Why they hatin' on Ahhhnold,  Tiger and the IMF dude???  Just chuck 'em right under the bus!  Yeesh.

And what the fuck married guy is at the 'Club'?

That's a red flag!  That is a fiery, flaming, dark ass red flag!  There's something 50 Shades of Grey DOESN'T tell y'all!  Booyah!

DON'T MARRY HIM!

Image Via www.thecheeky.com

J.K.Livin Got Married - PICS

DAAAMN!  I love me some nekkid bongo playing unmarried Matthew McConaughey!  

But alas, another one bites the dust...

This past Saturday superfine M. McConaughy tied the knot with Camila Alves AKA Levi's baby mama.

UsWeekly reports that there were about 100 people in attendance and the wedding had a distinct "high-end campout theme."

Stupid saccharine unsourced quote of the day goes to this little gem of a chick thing to say, "There was a moment when...[Matthew] leaned down and whispered something in [Camila's] ear and you could see a tear coming down her face.  Everyone let out a collective sigh."

Aw - well, let's all just poop out some rainbows and kittens, shall we?

Romantic distrust and disgust aside though - Congrats!

Just keep livin', man.

UPDATED 13/06/2012:  Here's some pics of the nuptials...(Via People Magazine)

Image Via www.thehockeyjunkies.blogspot.com

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are Engaged

Put down your bongs everyone, Miley Cyrus is engaged!!!

I'm over 30 so I don't listen to Miley and I don't even really know who Liam Hemsworth is (no, I didn't see the damn Hunger Games) but apparently they are engaged to each other now so...Yay!

The two met on the set of some other movie I never saw called The Last Song and have been together since filming it 3 years ago.  Reports say that he popped the q on May 31st with a 3.5 carat rock.

I smell a shitload of love songs coming up on her next album...

Congrats to the young couple!  Don't break her heart, her achy breaky heart though dude!  (Had to do it, sorry!)  Billy Ray's a good old boy and I imagine he eats pretty boys for breakfast if they screw around with Hannah Montana.

Word.

Image Via www.eonline.com

Brangelina is Engaged

Yes, it appears to be true!  The two most beautiful people on the planet are going to get married in the most beautiful wedding to ever grace the earth...

Whatever...I pretty much consider any couple who have more than five kids together "married."

Here's the stupid ring anyways...Gawk away!

Title Image Via www.backseatcuddler.com
Post Image Via www.usmagazine.com

Tamra Barney's Engagement - Check out the Rock!

Simon who?

Check out the rock Eddie Judge put over Tamra's fading Simon tattoo!  He popped the question to the Real Housewives of Orange County cast member in February on a trip to Bora Bora, where he put this sucker on it >

BAM!  Shady possible escorts from 1-800-tacos who have sketchy paralegal jobs (according to Gretchen and Jeana) must be makin' bank!

I like Tamra a lot.  I think she's funny and for the most part she doesn't seem to be as FOS as the rest of the bravolebrities -

Congrats!

Lookin' forward to seeing that controlling bastard Simon's head explode at the wedding...

(Just kidding...like she would EVER invite him to her wedding.)

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

This is the Ring that Justin Timberlake Put on It

Jessica Biel's engagement ring has hit the web...

Justin Timberlake proposed to the stupid shelf ass in January but she hadn't been wearing a ring until now.  The paps caught a glimpse of the sparkler when she stepped out with JT while wearing a fucking Muumuu for some reason (baby bump watch anyone?)

Apparently the superstar had it custom-made for his lady.

Not too shabby!

Images Via www.toofab.com   

This is OOONNNEEE Skanky Wedding Dress

Check out this GD awful wedding dress that made its debut in a Kaviar Gauche fashion show in Berlin.

Actually, retract that shit - I'm not going to call it a wedding dress, it's just a g-string and veil...with an arrow...that points at the bride's vadge...awesome.

Not so sure a "wedding dress" should say, I'm DTF, Bitches!  And what?  And what?  

But you know, to each their own...

Image Via www.huffingtonpost.com

Sinead O'Connor Calls Off Divorce After ‘Mad Lovemaking’ Sesh with Hubby

The fuck?

I have written about Sinead O'Connor more in the past two weeks than I've heard her name mentioned in the past ten years!  It's all due to this stupid Vegas wedding and the general WTFness of it.  I'm not even gonna bother writing this lameass turn of events up - check out the links for the story though if you're into it.

So first she got married randomly to some quack in Vegas.

Then she divorced him and posted some weird shit about drugs and family.

Now they're back on after a "mad lovemaking" session. 

That's it!  I'm not covering this shit anymore!  That's right!  I'm done with this bitch.  Find your Sinead news elsewhere because she has been banished - right along with Speidi and that dumb broad Brooke Hogan!

You're all dead to me!

Image Via www.ca.omg.yahoo.com

Justin Timberlake Supposedly Put a Ring on Shelf Ass Jessica Biel

Stupid Jessica Biel...If he's gonna marry anyone, it should be that sassy pants Cameron Diaz!  Ignore the man arms!  Those aren't a dealbreaker...or were they?  DUN, DUN, DUN...

Anywho, tabloids are abuzz with the rumor that mah boo JT proposed to Biel last month on a ski vacay in Jackson, Wyoming.  The shitstorm was set off by UsWeekly which isn't exactly CNN so...I'll believe it when I see it...

They report in the latest issue that an insider told them, "Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place."

(Oh barf.)

They go on to say, "After a brief three-month split in 2011, Biel made it clear that she wanted to spend her life with Timberlake, 30."  Well duh!  Who doesn't want to spend their life with Justin Timberlake?  Not exactly breaking news there...

Oooh, but here's a juicier nugget of maybe truth > "Another Timberlake insider" (whatever the fuck that is) told the rag that JT has "never been happier" and "...knew it was the right time to propose."

Boo!  He should just pull a George Clooney and bang his way through Hollywood.  He's rich, young and hot!  That's what I'd do anyway...(but I've been told I'm a bit off.) 

UPDATE 05/01/2011:  Ooooh!  Justin's MeeMaw or Gram Grams or whatever says it's true - Check out the article at RadarOnline.

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

Sinead O'Connor is the Ugliest Divorcee I have Ever Seen

This is a follow up to a recent past post entitled, Sinead O'Connor is the Ugliest Bride I have Ever Seen.  You see, the article needed a follow up post because...wait for it...

Bitch done got divorced!  After just over 2 damn weeks!  Oh Snap!  Take that Kim Kartrashian!!!

She posted on her stupid website:

Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed by the behaviour of certain people in my husband's life. And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don't drink. My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage. It became apparent to me that if he were to stay with me he would be losing too much to bear. And that being with me was not going to serve him positively , career wise or any other wise. I saw his life leave him because of how people close to him reacted. And I can't take anyone's life. And a woman wants to be a joy to her husband. So.. U love someone? Set them free.

He is a wonderful man. I love him very much. I'm sorry I'm not a more regular woman. I truly believe though it is painful to admit, we made a mistake rushing into getting married, for altruistic reasons, and weren't aware or prepared for the consequences on my husband's life and the lives of those close to him. He has been terribly unhappy and I have therefore ended the marriage. I think he is too nice to do so. And too nice to trap.

He is as I said, a wonderful man. We part amicably. I wish him to be free and happy and loved and supported and for him to have privacy as that is utmost important for his job and for the children he treats as a therapist so I plead on theirs and his behalf for media to please leave him and his family alone. I really beg this.

Meh, beg all you want, woman...I truly feel that it is my right as a human being to make fun of other human beings who act like assholes in public.  Anyways, the marriage is over, Sinead is single...

No one cares.

PS - I don't either, I just think her "press releases" are a fucking hoot!

Image Via www.ca.omg.yahoo.com

TMZ Reports Britney Spears is Getting Engaged Tonight!

Third time's a charm, girlfriend!  At least this dude has a damn job... 

TMZ is reporting that our beloved first Lady of Cheetos is getting hitched...again!

Jason Trawick, her man of 5 years (yes, she's been with him longer than both her marriages combined), is supposedly going to pop the question tonight...

...IN VEGAS!!!  That's sooo old-school Brit!  Classic!

TMZ says, "[TMZ is] told Britney knows they're getting engaged, so it's not going to be a big surprise."

Haha!  Well, that's good!  Fucking spoiler alert lol!

TMZ goes on to say, "Sources say Britney's conservators have given their stamp of approval.  The matter will go before the judge in the conservatorship case but it's virtually certain Brit will get the judge's sign off."

Well, congrats you little head-shaving pop star!  To both of you!   

Chicken wings and Pepsi for everyone! 

Image Via www.inrumor.com

Vicki Gunvalson Posts New Family Pics - Including Briana's New Hubby

Vicki Gunvalson, the OG of the housewives series has been on a roller coaster for basically the last six seasons on the original OC version of the hit show...

She's gained (and lost) friends, become an insurance queen, traveled the world, battled Jesus Barbie in San Francisco and gotten divorced (which looked heartbreaking on the show) so it's nice to see her looking so happy.  Here she is with her new man Brooks and her new son-in-law (Briana Wolfsmith's new husband) Ryan Culberson.

Brooks looks like Donn!  I miss Donn!  He should be back on the show, not that bag of douche Slade!  But Bravo is probably going to block my ass if I send any more suggestions in... 

Anyways, lookin' good!  Congrats to Briana and her new man!

Images Via www.facebook.com

Sinead O'Connor is the Ugliest Bride I have Ever Seen

For realz!  That headline is pretty bitchy but day-um woman!  You are one fugly broad!  The Cadillac is kind of boss though (apart from the color), I'll give her that...

In a random wedding on her 45th birthday, Sinead O'Connor got married at The Little Wedding Chapel in Vegas (aka where Brit Brit got hitched to that dude who had the same name as George from Seinfeld for a whopping 55 hours.)  Suck on that, Kim Kartrashian!

O'Connor married an Irish therapist (too easy) named Barry (doesn't matter) in a god awful pink dress and that aforementioned boss Caddy.  On her website she wrote of the wedding:

"Dear friends... amongst whom I include whomever may be reading this with a view to writing about the glorious marriage.
Am blogging this cus media people are naturally seeking me.
On sunday I will put up blog on whole day. Too glorious for words.
For now though, as you will appreciate, it's a bit of a 'Can't. Talk. Cock. In. Mouth'. Situation."   

Classy!

And I kind of thought that Sinead was gay.  Was she gay before?  Am I allowed to ask that or is that not PC?  I suppose she wouldn't want a cock in her mouth if she were gay. 

Anyways, gay or straight, girlfriend is one hot damn mess!

Best of luck, butch Sinead! 

Title Image Via www.dlisted.com
Post Image Via www.gawker.com  

Twilight Fans Are Faking Engagements to Try on Bella's Dress

Christ!  I think common sense stepped outta here 'bout five minutes ago...

Twilight fans (the ones who haven't had seizures from watching it probably) are coming out in droves to try Bella's stupid wedding dress replica on at stores...only problem is, they're lying little liars who are lying to the stores to try it on!

Nefarious bitches!

TMZ reports, "...lady Twihards are invading bridal boutiques, secretly lying about being engaged ... so they can try on a replica of Bella's wedding dress from the new flick.

The $799 replica is being sold in Alfred Angelo bridal boutiques everywhere -- and people who work at the chain tell [TMZ] the scheming fans are driving them crazy, making it extremely difficult to conduct business."

Jeez!  It's hard enough running a biz these days!

Knock it off Twitards (patent pending on that brilliant word)!  You WILL NEVER BE BELLA SWAN!!!  Bella Swan is NOT real, there is no Edward and if you see a werewolf you should run like hell! 

Image Via www.bridalguide.com