Kanye West Smacked Another Photographer Around

Oh Kanye!  You are such a dickhead!

Kim's babydaddy (which is what I am calling this asshole from now on - cuz I like to poke the bear, yo) had yet ANOTHER violent altercation with a pap.

This time (it happened Friday at LAX)  instead of it being kind of funny - see stupidly hilarious video below - he was more aggressive Chris Brown than crazy Amanda Bynes and got all violent as shit on the pap.

Kanye West -- Don't Burst My Privacy Bubble ... Or I'll F*** You Up!!! - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe

Not cool!

Supposedly felony charges may be looming and I, for one, say lock this bitch up!  I'm sure the paps are annoying as fuck but you CAN'T touch someone!  You just can't!  This isn't Thunderdome!

And who the hell knocks up that skanky famewhore Kimmie Cakes if he wants to be left alone anyways???  Like get a clue, douche.  Perhaps the most wrongly photographed porn star on the planet isn't someone you should knock up if you're concerned about privacy...I mean, I'm no genius but I went to college and shit...I have common goddamn sense!

Here's the VIDEO.

Kris Jenner says he was having a "bad day" so god help that baby or Kim's stupid ass if he has a bad day at home.  I know the first thing I look for in a babydaddy is a violent, uncontrollable temper!

Good luck to Kim and her direction named baby...and SHAME on him for making me feel sorry for Kim who stands for pretty much everything I am against.

EXTRA TIDBIT OF GOSSIP >>>

Fun fact:  This is the same pap who got Brit Brit so pissed off she dropped her Cheetos and attacked his car with her umbrella lol.  That's his car in the pic below...

It really is a small world.

Images Via www.dailymail.co.uk

Kimye Names Baby North West...

Good grief!  Like we needed another reason to razz on these guys...

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's celebuspawn finally has an official name according to TMZ.  The egomaniacal couple went with the name North West for some unknown and possibly stupid reason though previous reports by those filthy liars at Media Take Out had already dubbed the kid Kaidence.

Gah!  Why not just put a sign on the kid that says, Knock me over and steal my shit?

Kids be cruel, yo!

It's kind of odd they didn't use a K name though - I seem to recall her calling shotgun on K names when she was duping that jock strap Kris Humphries into marrying her...And you KNOW pimpmama Kris is probably all sorts of ticked that baby didn't end up a Kardashian since Kim isn't a West herself yet.

And so it goes...

Image Via www.danterants.blogspot.com

Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans got Knocked Up Again...

Aw helllllll naw...

Teen Mom 2's resident fuck up, Jenelle Rogers is preggers again!  That is just soooo effed up!

The hot mess of an absent mother has a son Jace that her super awesome mom Babs has had custody of for about 4 years because she "can't stop smoking weed" and has generally spent the bulk of that time watching Ke$ha videos on YouTube and failing drug tests.  In the past month or so she married some bumlicker named Courtland Rogers (WTF kind of bullshit name is Courtland???) who has a history of drug abuse, a baby mama he twitter fights with on a daily basis and a criminal record.

The two lovebirds are now with child.  Awesome.  I miss Kieffer.

Jenelle announced the news on twitter because she mentions everything down to when she takes a shit on twitter and seems pretty pleased with herself that her mouthbreathin' hubby forgot to wrap his dick up one night after a Stickam sesh.  He seems equally stoked but I'm pretty sure he's just in it for the MTV check...he's like a more loser-y version of K-Fed and that's pretty damn bad.

Jenelle has allegedly been sober for two months and says she's 4 weeks along so hopefully the kid doesn't catch the ass end of her last bender or anything but I'm not too sure how long drugs last in your system or how many of her stupid special drinks she sucked down to flush the toxic shit outta her womb before baby took refuge in her belly.

Bottom line...This isn't going to end well.  Good luck, kid.

Image Via www.twitter.com

Kim Kardashian is now Kanye West's "Baby Mama"

Ugh!  Is it me, or does this just SCREAM devilbaby!?!

(No offence to Beelzebub...)

Kanye West (who I'm sorry but I get a TOTAL gay vibe from!) has knocked up his stupid woman of about 8 months, Kris Humphries' wife - Kim Kardashian.

Girl was rawdoggin' it!

'Ye announced this fame fuckery the other night at one of his concerts calling Kim his "baby mama" (lol) before everyone went apeshit because young people are idiots.

Holla we want prenup, yo!

I'm not too sure who's got the most money or fame in this circus but I DO know that those two things are so important to these two dipshits that - Newsflash bitches! - a baby would only serve to hinder any quest to take over the tabloid world.

Can't be hittin' red carpets with a baby on your hip, woman!  And god help them if I see a baby in the background of their inevitable future sex tape!  I will call CPS soooo fast they won't know what him them in Kim's big, fat ass!

Not even joking.

Image Via www.glabalgrind.com

Kate Middleton Is Royally Knocked Up

Blimey!  Everyone is losing their shit over THIS one!

Prince William and Pippa's ass's sister are with child!  A new royal is imminent, ya monarchy-lovin' bitches!  Start the baby pools!

Evidently, the palace wasn't going to announce that William's royal penis had impregnated the dainty Duchess  but what with the world being one big fucking TABLOID nothing can happen without being sullied by the hand of modern man and his ferocious appetite for gossip.

Y'all assholes ruin everything... ;)

When Kate couldn't stop blowing mad crumpet chunks she was admitted to King Edward VII hospital - once news hit that she was in the hospital - the pregnancy was announced.  She is still in the early stages...

Congrats!  Now just send that sexy bitch Harry over to Canada...I would very much like to play strip billiards with him.

Boom!  He is sooooo the best Prince EVER!

Image Via www.eonline.com
Image Via www.tmz.com

SNOOKI BAYBAYYYY!

Move the beer over and make room in that stroller, yo!  That mini meatball is gonna need some leg room!

Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Jionni LaValle became parents on Sunday when the poofy pickle popper gave birth to her much anticipated (not really) guido baby, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle.

She tweeted >

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He tweeted >

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Duuuh...Bro's a little slow lol.  Holla we want prenup!

Anywho, good luck, kid!  Hope you like animal print - she's gonna just fucking DRAPE you in that shit.

Image Via www.people.com

Here's a Couple of Staged Shots From Snooki's Baby Shower

With Snooki due in about a month, a baby shower was imminent - Selling it to a mag was prob just the icing on the famewhore cake...

InTouch is who bought the rights to her baby shower (thrown by her mama, Helen, on the 12th.)  The shower had a sports/leopard print theme because Snooki has like zero taste, a complete hard on for animal prints and because it's going to be a boy, Lorenzo.

Here's the pics >

It was at the Falkirk Estate and Country Club in Central Valley, New York and attended by 100 women including her female Jersey Shore costars.  It took the Chilean reality star nugget 4 hours to open all the gifts.

It's all in the newest edition of InTouch - the one where Teresa Guidice is "humiliated" on the cover of again lol >

Bleh...

Title Image Via www.thehollywoodgossip.com
Post Images Via www.intouchmagazine.com

Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler Had a Baby Boy!

Love me some K Cav!

Hills megabitch Kristin Cavallari gave birth to a baby boy this morning...

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The couple is engaged but Cutler infamously pulled a Mr. Big type dip out on her Carrie Bradshaw ass after a wedding photo shoot, she forgave him for breaking off the engagement and weeks later was knocked up so it would be harder for him to leave her a second embarrassing time.

She and Jay Cutler are planning for more kids so hopefully dude doesn't dip out again...

"We were talking about the possibility of having another kid right away and then getting married so we can have two kids close in age.  We want four kids, so we're thinking maybe have one more, then get married, then have two more. But we'll see -- it all depends on how the first one goes."

Congrats!

Image Via www.news.instyle.com

Kate Major got Knocked Up by Michael Lohan...

Yeah, I know this shit is kind of old news, but I'm a reaaaal lazy bitch sometimes and the first thing to fall to the wayside is my beloved trashy blog...generally I just start posting new stuff but this little ditty deserves a few cracks...

Lindsay Lohan's idiot father Michael went and knocked up Kate Major - for those who don't know about these two and their antics check it out > Here.  And here.  Oh, and here.

Yes, it's been a real rollercoaster of court dates, blow jobs and balcony jumping for these two and just when I thought it may be over...that bitch got preggers!  While there was a no-contact order!!!

Illegal baby!!!!!!!

The two morons seem over the moon about it (until the next altercation anyways) - the only one who seems to be in a stink is LiLo.  Reportedly, she thinks that if he can't pay child support for his kids now, he shouldn't have another one.

That's the smartest thing I've ever heard her allegedly say.

Good luck, kiddo!  You're gonna need it.

Image Via www.tmz.com

Kris Humphries Knocked Up his Rebound

Is it just me or is this guy just a TOTAL duh-de-duuuh???

I always used to picture him asking his short-lived wife Kim in a doughhead voice, "Kim, duhhhh, why's Kanye here again?"  Ya know?

Well, his duh-de-duh ass accidentally knocked up his rebound!  Whoopsie!

To me though, this just reeks of crazy bitch syndrome though.  One of the symptoms of crazy bitch syndrome is getting pregnant on purpose - ta daaaaa!  Don't even TRY and tell me a fucking adult woman doesn't know how not to get preggers...I wouldn't believe ya if your tongue were notarized.

The chick's name is Myla Sinanaj and she loves her unborn baby so much that she sold the story to TMZ before telling Kris.  She seems like a real treat...

We'll see how things shake down - she just promised to post a vid on her twitter to clear things up but it's taking her a while to get her shit together.

Story developing...

Title Image Via www.poponthepop.com
Post Image Via www.hollywoodlife.com

A New Kardashian Is On The Planet...

...Well, technically a Disick, but Scott may as well have changed his name to Kardashian the minute he got neutered by that loud, controlling momager, Pimpmomma Kris...bitch did it to "Lam Lam" too!  AND BRUCE!

But anyways, Disick and his longtime love Kourtney Kardashian (the slow sounding one) have had their second baby!  On Sunday morning she gave birth to a little girl named Penelope Scotland.

Ten bucks says Scotland was Scott's idea...

The baby was 7 lbs 14 ounces and joins Mason (the REAL star of this shit) who is now 2.

Congrats!  I'm sure Scott is really looking forward to Pimpmomma Kris managing little Penelope right out of her clothes just like the other ones when she's older...

Awesome.

Image Via www.officialkourtneyk.celebuzz.com    

J.K. Livin and Camila Alves are Having Baby Number Three

But can anyone really compare to little Levi McConaughey???

That kid is fucking breathtaking!

Yesterday on July 4th, McConaughey announced via twitter that he and his new bride Alves would be having their third child.  The Magic Mike star (and Alves) tweeted, "Happy birthday America, more good news, Camila and I are expecting our third child.  God bless, just keep livin."

The two had just wed weeks ago but have been together since '06 - Matthew is a superhot 42 and Brazilian born Alves is a feisty 30.

Congrats to the couple...they sure do make pretty babies...

And now...IT'S A LEVI MCCONAUGHEY PICTURE EXTRAVAGANZA!

Image Via www.zimbio.com

Image Via www.anythinghollywood.com

Image Via www.celebritybabies.people.com

Image Via www.posh24.com

Bam, bitches!  Melt!

Title Image Via www.inquisitr.com

Angela Chase is Knocked Up

Yes, that's right - it's baby number one for Claire Danes and hubby Hugh Dancy.

The two announced via her rep that they are expecting their first child - she is 33 and he is 37.  They've been hitched since '99.

I am a HUGE Claire Danes fan!  Nice to see things can work out for a talented gal who doesn't rely on her boobies or MTV to make things happen!

In other news, somewhere Brian Krakow is sitting on a bicycle and weeping...

Congrats!

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

It's Gonna Be a GUIDO for Snooki!

Oh thank fuck!  I cannot deal with another stupid woman running around acting a damn fool covered in leopard print and carrying a copy of Kim K's book!

Yes guys, this kid may just have a shot, yet!

MTV has just announced via the Meatball and Jionni LaValle that their upcoming little bugger will be a guido!

The two leading names are Lorenzo and Jionni Jr. - Creative!

Snooks had wanted a guidette to corrupt but alas it wasn't in the cards.  

The six month preggers Snooki is currently filming and living with JWoww and her ginormous boobies.

Do us all a favor and keep that kid away from his greasyass uncle possible father The Situation...that guy would teach him some duuumb shit.

Congrats!

Image Via www.urbanmag-online.com

Jessica Simpson's Ginormous Baby Bump is No More!

New celeb baby in the hooowse, yo!

Jessica Simpson, former singer/current titleholder for largest baby bump EVER, has gone and had her little girl!  Maxwell Drew Johnson is here!!!

She was born at 9 lbs 13 oz. and will heretoforth be known on mah blog as Maxi Pad Simpson...

The former Dick LeGay released the following statement:

"Eric and I are elated to to announce the birth of our baby girl Maxwell Drew Johnson.  We are so grateful for all of the love, support and prayers we have received.  This has been the greatest experience of our lives."

I should hope it was fan-freakin'-tastic!  Prob blew out your girly bits for the next three years, woman!

Vaginas aside though - congrats to Jessica!  (And the dude, yadda, yadda, but I've never even heard him speak so I'm not so invested in him...Non-Newlywed husband motherfucker...pfft.)

Oh and I feel a little obliged to say congrats to the kid here - yo' momma's a billionaire whose got gnarly milk bags for ya the size of which make even your grandpa take notice!  (Editor's note to Maxi Pad:  Grandpa's a little out there - avoid him.)

FEAST kid!  You got 'er made already and your not even home at your mansion yet!

UPDATE:  Here's some pics of the boss suite she had at the hospital via TMZ > LINK

Image Via www.hilaryshepherd.com

Donna Martin is Knocked Up Again

I feel like every nine months or so I write this post.  (I think they may be trying to be all Kate Plus Eight or Duggarlicious or something...)

Tori Spelling is having ANOTHER baby!  She just had one, Hattie - her and Dean's third, about a hot minute ago so...not really sure what's going on here...I kind of feel bad Dean's been married to a pregnant hormonal chick for half their marriage.  Actually - scratch that - I feel worse for his ex-wife and kids, but this isn't really about that whole mess...

The former actress posted this link to twitter:

"Dean, Liam, Stella, Hattie and I are beyond thrilled to announce that another little McDermott is on the way!  We feel truly blessed that another angel has found us."

Huh?

Where was the angel?  In Dean's cheating schlong?  Gah!

Congrats AGAIN.  I'm sure I'll be writing a similar post in another year...

 Image Via www.torispelling.com

Kim Zolciak is Knocked Up Again

Wowsa!  That was quick!

Baby number two is on the way for Real Housewife Kim Zolciak and Falcons player Kroy Biermann just 9 months after Kroy Jagger made his debut on the Bravo scene.

Zolciak tells Life & Style that though little KJ wasn't planned this little bundle of blondness was.

"Kroy and I are so excited!"  her royal wigness gushed..."I'm so excited that KJ will have a little buddy!"

She just RT'd the article about 15 mins. ago on twitter.

Congrats!

Image Via www.lifeandstylemag.com

Season 6 of Jersey Shore is Happening

Now, I like JS as much as the next guy but shit's getting kind of old...Am I right?

Anyways, MTV has confirmed that the entire cast will be returning next season for another whorefest at the shore house.  Shooting will begin this summer so watch for a fucking huge baby bump on NYT best selling author (yes really) Snooki's slutty halter top.

And that's the other thing!  Why the hell are they letting a knocked up chick into the shore whore house???  That's no place for a baby!  I wouldn't even let those assholes take care of my cat for the weekend.

MTV promises the "trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same."

Which basically means we get to watch the Bitchuation act like a whiny little girl for about a dozen eps.

MERP!

Image Via www.wegotthiscovered.com

Jessica Simpson - Nekkid and Knocked Up in Elle Magazine

Jessica Simpson has been pregnant for eva!!!  Are we sure that it's not that emo-marrying, less-talented sister of hers Asslee in there???  Anyone seen her around?  And where the hell is little Bronx?!?!  Now that I think of it I haven't seen that kid in years!!!

Cray!

Conspiracies aside, she sure does look super-preggers in her new shoot for Elle Magazine...Her bump is no joke!  Let's take a looky look and judge her for a few shallow chuckles shall we?

This is her and her new Dick LeGay, Eric Johnson - you see, he loves her belly so much because he sperminated it so that he would never have to work another day in his life.  His eyes are closed because he is thinking about all the shitty Ducatis the billion dollars she made in the last decade could buy him...he's also praying to the god of K-Fed that he can squeeze the same amount of spousal support out of her when they split.

Now here's J Simp thinking about if she should pose buck or not on the cover of a national magazine...on the one hand she's all I'm rich, bitches!  I don't need to show my cash cows for bank anymore!  On the other hand she's thinking, Oh, I get it!!!  Chicken OF the sea.  I get stuff.

Ta-Da!  There's the money shot!  I saved it for last because of a little something called showmanship, my friends.  I ain't playin'.

Simpson looks pretty good for a fat chick.  (Sorry, I'm not one of those people who thinks it's super sexy to be knocked up.  Please!  Guys are such liars.)  She announced in the magazine that she's having a girl and she says they have the name picked out but are keeping it more private than they're keeping her side boob.

"It's nothing shocking and nothing you'll have to add to the dictionary.  Still, when people hear it, they'll know ...why," she said.

I'm willing to bet my ENTIRE VHS collection and a slightly used ferret cage (RIP Mr. Noodles!  We loved YOU!) that she names the kid Chanel or something fashiony.  LAME.

Oh and a small message from me to Jessica - Put your boobs away woman, we're working towards being a more empowered sex, dude.  Get the memo.  

Images Via www.toofab.com  

Ben Affleck And Jennifer Garner Had a Kid - Named Him Samuel

I miss the old Bennifer sometimes...you remember when Ben was banging J.Lo and together they would make super sexy music videos?  But alas, he ended up with a more low-key Jennifer (taking a look at J.Lo's track record, it's prob for the better) and they have had two little girls.

Ben knocked her up a third time and now finally, the couple welcomes a little boy - Samuel Garner Affleck.

I'm kind of hoping they show him off to the world a la the Lion King.  Heaving him up into the air whilst hip, jungle-inspired music plays in the background.  Prob won't happen though...cool shit I think of never happens...Lame.

Congrats Bennifer (even though you guys aren't as cool as the original.)

I don't know why I felt the need to parentheses that - pretty sure it's some sort of sickness.

Image Via www.people.com