RHONY Countess LuAnn Had Her Tubes Tied Says Her Mom

Not really any of our beeeeswax but when one of your main storylines is about how you want to have a baby with your boyfriend, it gets brought up...

I haven't been watching this season of Real Housewives of New York but I pretty much know what's up.  What's up is that one of LuAnn de Lessep's main storylines is that she's trying to get knocked up by Jacques, her younger man on the show.  Thing is, according to the HuffPo, her mother told them that she got her tubes tied after having Noel.

What is this horseshit?

Rob Schuter, friend of Jill Zarin and reporter for the newspaper, spoke to her mother at the premiere party for this season and he says that he asked her mother numerous times about LuAnn's own damn business and each time she said, "Her tubes are tied."

The Countess responded, "If she said that, it's my mother's way of joking. She had seven children, and at this point, she would rather travel with me than babysit, but it's absolutely not true."

Not sure what babysitting has to do with anything...

As of yet, the Countess is not knocked up.

Image Via www.bsideblog.com

New York Housewives Reboot - Are These the New Castmembers?

Maybe.  That's right maybe.  I read this on Gawker though (via New York Daily News) so it's not like I'm reading complete garbage up in here - these sources are somewhat credible!

Carole Radziwill is lucky reality-bachelorette number one - this chick is no joke!  She's a bestselling author and former producer who worked with Peter Jennings and Diane Sawyer.  She is single and has no kids a la Bethenny Frankel and is the younger sister of Jackie O!  Jackie O motherfuckers!  That's a pretty badass pedigree.

Aviva Drescher is reportedly joining up to fill in the "Wall Street Wife" slot and comes complete with her investment banker hubby and three kids.  She's a philanthropist (aren't they all?) and described as a blond beauty.  Pfft.

Heather Thomson would round out the new casting and is a mother of two who runs a shapewear line...smells like a shapewear twitter war is imminent, Jill Zarin!!!  Her line is called Yummie Tummie (barf) and got a shout out on one of Oprah's coveted favorite things eps.

Bravo has declined to comment so I can't be sure how much of this is fact or fiction.  If these are the new Bravolebrities they should buckle up now - the ramonacoaster is a bumpy ride.  

Image Via www.gettoourgame.blogspot.com 

The Real Housewives Music Machine - Who Sold the Most Copies of Their "Music"?

Do you ever wonder who the top dawg is in terms of Housewives "music"???  Who sells and who flops?

Well, neither do I but I stumbled across a list while cruising around Perez's crappy, inaccurate website and since I have some readers who, like me, bleed anything Housewives I thought I'd share... 

Taking the top spot with 101K downloads is blonde-wigged, Big Poppa loving, money grubbing songstress Kim Zolciak with her dance tune Tardy for the Party.  Not a big surprise - but perhaps props should go more to Kandi Burruss than Kimbo - her production value on the track was priceless and it would've sucked ballz if Kim had just done the original track the way the old dude had it.

Countess LuAnn de lesseps comes in second, selling a dismal 19K downloads with her Money Can't Buy You Class.  Apparently, money CAN'T buy you class, or any dignity for that matter!  Too bad LuMann hooked up with resident crazies Jill and Kelly because she was much more likable before those two piranhas got their designer-loving, name-dropping hooks into her...maybe she'll go back to being more tolerable if Jillousy and Cuckoo Kelly get dumped this season like their BFF Rob Shuter reports, but methinks it's too late for her to save herself from the big old mess that took place last season.  I don't have the numbers for the other tune, Chic C'est la Vie - but I imagine they're not much better.   

New Jersey Housewife Melissa Gorga scored 8K downloads with her dance track On Display.  But hers hasn't been out for very long in comparison to the others.  Her song is one of the most tolerable (along with Kimbo's) so I'm not even tryin' to hate on her - she seems like a pretty cool chick actually - but maybe I've been watching assholes too long on that particular installment...not naming any names here but they rhyme with Shmermesa and Banielle... 

Miss Photoglou Gretchen Rossi sold a sucky 5K for that god awful Nothing Without You love song.  I'll give her a break here because I do feel bad that she lost her sugardaddy to cancer - that's a helluva disease...but I DO wish she'd come clean about Jay - I've seen the pics, jerk!  Can't really lie your way out of picture proof (though she keeps trying.)  No word on what Revelation sold though she promoted that track much more so it prob did better. 

Next up we have Danielle Staub with that piece of garbage - Real Close.  That sucker sold 3K downloads and really, really blew.  Like, if you could get a Grammy for Shittiest Song, she probably would've won it.  I also hate that she was all faux lesbian during the release of the song...so sick.  Dumbass!

Simon van Kempen's I Am Real sold 1K, and yeah I realize he's not a housewife but he may as well fucking be!  I don't mind Simon at all but girlfriend is ALL about the show eh?  I swear he gets more camera time than that bore Cindy.  But in my opinion, that's not necessarily a bad thing...

Michaele Salahi's Bump It was downloaded less than all of the above with a pathetic 122.  Yikes!  I could probably sell more than that if I made a track of my cat meowing while I eat Cheetos.  She's a pretty hated woman though and though it's admittedly a little fun to watch these bitches make asses of themselves on TV - we don't exactly want to HEAR them make asses of themselves on a song.  Not so hot!  Maybe now that she's bounced from Turdball Tareq for the dude from Journey she'll get more respect in the music industry...nah probably not! 

We'll see how many more crappy songs these guys can push out during their "fame" run - Just remember what happened when Jo thought her shit didn't stink and went off to conquer the music world, ladies!  Nothing!

Image Via www.crackbillionair.wordpress.com

Victoria de Lesseps Kicked Out of School? Is LuAnn a Horny Ball Grabbin' Drunk?

Did LuAnn de Lesseps young, trouble-making daughter get kicked out of the swanky private boarding school she was attending? 

The NY Post says Victoria was asked to leave the Tony Ross School in the uber-rich Hamptons after the video incident that took place a while back...you know, the video that nearly gave LuAnn a coronary where she was supposedly rolling a joint and using the n word.  Mama LuAnn denied the report to Page Six, saying that, “Your information is incorrect. Victoria withdrew from Ross School five months ago, but it was unrelated to the video. She is happily looking forward to studying art in Paris this summer.”  The timing must've just been a coincidence...weird!  Yeah right!

Another hot story about the Countess hitting blog sites is a little old but it's a doozy.  Apparently she's a hot mess of a horny drunk who grabs people's balls at parties!  NICE!

Apparently, in August 2008 the NY Post reported that the Countess went to a wedding in the Hamptons, with her then husband the Count Alexandre de Lesseps, and acted like a damn fool in front of 200 guests.  The story goes that she, "...yanked the mike away from Andy Hilfiger’s band and proceeded to sing two songs.  'She knocked over the drum set while smiling at the horrified guests,' a source said.  'She was trying to make out with women and married men.  A pregnant wife caught her in the act, stormed off and walked home in disgust.  The Count tried to make her leave and was seen throwing her to the ground in the parking lot.'"  ACK!  Not cool!

The source went on to say, "She wasn’t just kissing the married men, she was also grabbing their [crotches]."  Another partygoer said, "At these parties, people always get frisky. All I can say is that she didn’t try to grab me."  Wowza, no wonder her kid is turning into a joint rollin' mess...

The Countess denies the whole thing but I ain't buying it!  I'm obviously not the classiest chick in the world but at least I don't grab dude's junk when I'm shitfaced!  That's just rude!

At least she's right on with one thing, Money Can't Buy You Class.

Image Via www.iheartthehousewives.wordpress.com

Real Housewives of New York Preview Released

Perez has posted the promo for The Real Housewives of New York and it looks goooood!

After some speculation that the new season was a snoozefest without SkinnyGirl Bethenny Frankel, the preview looks just fine to me.

BTW - Kelly looks just as psycho as ever!  Natch!

Check out the promo here.

Image Via www.thats-all-folks.com

Victoria de Lesseps Creates More Scandal

The Countess must be shitting in her couture.  There's more scandal brewing with her daughter.

The Dirty has published pictures of the young reality star smoking cigs and drinking...from the bottle no less!  (So lame.  Oooooh cigarettes and booze!  How awful!  Puh-lease...people need to relax.)

Though I obviously don't see the fuss with the pictures (she's a socialite kid in New York...what the fuck do you expect?) her mother must be having a coronary!

For anyone who reads The Dirty you know that it's a site where guys basically send in pics of chicks who wouldn't bang them and trash them and call them whores.  Anyone can send in anything and pretty much caption whatever they want.  The source that sold out gave up Victoria's pictures knew her (he said that he went to school with her) and also said that the little angel will hook up with girls if she drinks enough.  Charming!

Let's see what that uppity biatch the Countess has to say about this one.

Image Via www.examiner.com

Victoria de Lesseps Caught on Video Rolling a Doobie and Using the N Word

In case you don't know who the Hell Victoria de Lesseps, she is the pretty 16-year-old daughter of Count and Countess de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of New York.

Recently, a video surfaced of the rich reality-show teen online that showed her appearing to roll a joint and near the end of the video using the N word.  In her defense, she used the word as in the "Homey" or "Buddy" context which isn't as big of a deal if you ask me but since the world is seemingly full of irrational, estrogen-fueled, opinionated women it probably is a big deal.  And who didn't roll a joint when they were a kid?  Gimme a break.  The Countess should thank her useless ass that girlfriend isn't hopped up on coke and giving blow jobs in Central Park.

The video had surfaced on YouTube and was taken down within the day.  It was a recorded Skype convo between Victoria and a friend.  But the real kicker here is that crazy-eyes Ramona (also of The Real Housewives of NY) tweeted the stupid video for her 65 thousand and some followers to gawk at.

Not cool, dude.  Not cool at all.

Just like the video the tweet was removed quickly but the cyber-damage was done.  The internet is a retaining biatch, yo!  Word is the snotty Countess is livid over all the lameness and Ramona has since apologized.  I myself, would loooove to see the Countess and Ramona throw down on season 4 but hope is like a second asshole right?  It's interesting and even fun to think about but in reality it would just add more shit to the pile.

Image Via www.examiner.com

The Real Housewives of New York - The Second Coming...

Being as I’m totally obsessed with The Real Housewives of the OC when they created a spin-off of sorts to New York, I was in.  Sign my ass up!  All I needed to know is when and what channel?

They’re already done the 3rd season of this beast so we’ll have to start there.

God bless Andy Cohen!  He found six women just as watchable as the others…where did he get them?  Who knows?  Who cares?  Bring on the bitches!

First we have self-proclaimed Queen Bee, Jill Zarin.  According to her she knows absolutely everyone in New York and for some reason this validates her to no end.  She’s married to Bobby - which she pronounces as Bawbi - and has one daughter Allyson from a previous marriage.  She spends her days tormenting the other women while pretending to be nice and spending Bawbi’s fabric store fortune like a spoiled teenager.  Season 3 started with her at housewife war with Bethenny, the younger, prettier one she was formerly BFFs with.  She uses her fakeness to sucker the Countess into the role of partner in crime and together they try to destroy the Universe! get everyone to take sides. 

The Countess, LuAnn DeLesseps, (what kind of name is LuAnn for a countess?  Whenever I think of the name LuAnn I think of King of the Hill), is an uppity broad who married a Count obviously and lived with him in a badass townhouse on the Upper East Side for the first couple of seasons.  Season 3 found her alone and looking for an apartment after his nobleness allegedly banged an Ethiopian Princess and divorced her.  They had two kids together, Noel and Victoria, who seem like a more level-headed version of these Real Housewives brats but who knows?  Editing can be a gift or a nightmare.  She constantly refers to her meaningless nobility and now is recording music a la Kim Zolciak.  She had a fabulous Filipino maid, Rosie, who since the divorce has been AWOL as they had to move to the Hamptons where she could not easily commute to.   

Bethenny Frankel (Hoppy now), was the token single non-housewife but season 3 marked her last season on the show as she was the only housewife in history (aside from Jo and Slade’s shit show - Date my Ex) to get her own spin-off.  She’s a tough talking New York businesswoman looking for love and building a brand of booze, books and baked goods.  She’s a little annoying, but funny at times, and though not my personal favorite she is definitely the only one with enough personality to deserve her own show, Bethenny Getting Married?.  This, coupled with some teenybopper voice message where she told Jill to “Get a hobby” drove Jill Zarin batty and word is, she tried to get the other ladies to stop filming with her to fuck her over.  Ultimately, it led to chaos and all out housewife war with the ladies picking sides and Bethenny leaving for good.  Jill has since gone from one of the viewer’s faves to perhaps the most hated.  

Alex McCord, the one who pretends to be rich, is an interesting one.  After a few seasons of sitting back and taking abuse from the others, season 3 pretty much made her snap!  She started the season low-key as usual but soon joined in their reindeer games and was making a spectacle of herself along with the rest of them…usually in public.  She married a gay guy Simon Van Kempen, and together they make Silex!  A gnarly social-climbing transformer who thinks the most important things in life are money and proximity to socialites.  Simon used to run the Hotel Chandler but is now running a media company in the hotel sector.  They have two bratty little kids with pompous names, Johan and Francois and these little buggers take misbehaving to a new level…causing chaos wherever they go.  They’ve thus far, stabbed a guy’s gourmet burger in a hoity-toity restaurant, pulled fabrics off the wall at Zarin fabric and climbed up some dude’s leg in the Hamptons.  Alex and Simon seem to ignore and almost condone the behaviour, or at least pretend it doesn’t exist.  By taking Bethenny’s side in the war of the idiots-with-too-much-time-on-their-hands, she crossed Jill Zarin which is like crossing Sonny Corleone.  I expect major fireworks here next season.  

Ramona Singer aka Rameana aka The Ramonacoaster aka Crazy-Eyes is another businesswoman who has an impressive surplus clothing company she started on her own about 22 years ago.  She is all sorts of nuts rivalling Jill Zarin as the resident bitch.  She is married to Mario Singer, a jewellery maven and owner of True Faith Jewellery and has one daughter, Avery, who she tried (briefly) to turn into the next Lindsay Lohan.  She uses her crazy eyes to antagonize the other ladies and start all sorts of shit but she manages to stay out of the main line of fire usually.  She also, as the other ladies do, hocks a bunch of other products that I need not mention.

Kelly “CrazyAss” Bensimmon is not an original housewife.  She was married to Gilles Bensimmon which is like marrying Mr. Big so kudos to her for marrying well but other then that holy shitballz woman!  Get thee to a shrink ASAP!  She joined the mix in the second season and I don’t even know what to say about her…she went nuts, the other housewives mocked her, enough said. 

Sonja Morgan is the newest one.  She is a welcome addition if only for the fact that she screwed Kelly’s former boytoy/fake boyfriend Maximillion and throws it in her crazy face repeatedly.   She was married for about 10 years to John Morgan, the great grandson of J.P Morgan which means holy moneybags!  But in recent news she has had to file for bankruptcy due to her divorce and a 7 million dollar lawsuit she lost.  So, I guess she’s got about as much money as Alex now…how embarrassing. 

I’ll be updating as new episodes from the next season come in.