True Tori is Truly Fucked Up

Ugh!  Y'all watch this shit?

True Tori premiered last night on chick-friendly Lifetime and it was just as horrible as I thought it was going to be.

The richest poor woman on the planet (get a real job, nimrod) splashed her crappy marriage all over our televisions and brought her kiddies along for the ride.  Gross.  She insisted that she wanted a quick payday to tell her side of the story but this ain't my first rodeo and I know for a FACT that the daughter of Aaron Spelling knows damn well that no one can own their story in Hollywood.  Smoke and mirrors...  

The first ep focused on Tori and her wonky tits because Dean the douchebag is in "therapy" for being a piece of shit liar who can't keep his dick in his pants.

Following Tori and her kids in the first half, we see her display her astounding array of emotions...Victim, sad victim and less sad victim.  She doesn't do much else but try to cry through plastic surgery, drive her kids to school and go shopping for fabric with "friends."      

Oh yeah, she also threw a fit about the paps but whatthefuckbitch?  NEWSFLASH - You're on camera filming a reality show.  We can seeeee you...

When she finally met up with dumbass Dean who apparently is in a dirty man contest in therapy was when shit got real - she was told by the"therapist" (who refused to be on camera which isn't exactly the sign of a super legit doctor) that Dean is a humongoid liar who has lied his whole life.

Duh.  Tori watched him, hell she partnered up with him, to lie to their spouses (and his other kids tsk tsk) to hide an affair.      

Though the entire show was just a portrait of a really, really pathetic woman who has no damn self esteem - I kept hoping that when skinnybitch Tori was sitting on that leather couch lamenting about how crappy it is to be alone it would've been nice to hear her at least say something about how she now knows how it feels to be screwed over by Dean and she's sorry she was the other woman in his first divorce.

But that didn't happen.

So, screw it.  Imma just bottom line this for the poor little rich girl >

1.  Get those goddamn kids OFF this show.  Knowing that they have to go to school and deal with this is just sad as hell.  

2.  Divorce Dean and apologize to his ex-wife.  Obvi I'm not a Tori fan but I'm a fan of common fucking sense and know that more often than not what goes around comes around.  

3.  Eat a fucking sandwich, dude.  Jesus.  You traded any acting career you may have had to make this disgusting show and your husband said you sucked in bed on national TV...you can eat again now.

Seriously...little ham, little lettuce...throw some mayo on that shit...food is good.  

Image Via www.glossanddirt.blogspot.com

Did Dean McDermott Finally Admit to Cheating On Donna Martin?

Maaaaybe.

Radar Online - which is about as accurate as a blind tour guide - says so.  The site alleges that he's been with five other women (which in guy speak means 15) and that he finally told Tori about his scumbag ways.

But aye, here's the rub!

According to Radar he not only boned these randoms on the road while traveling he did it friggin' rawback!  Ugh!  Whatever happened to no glove no love, ladies?!?!

Wrap that shit up!

But I digress...

The Chopped Canada host (barf - I won't even watch it because of that and I'm fucking Canadian!) apparently seduced random women while he was traveling for work.  He would meet them and hook up with them pretty quickly, always making sure to tell them how much Tori sucks at putting out.

Apparently, he told one of the women he was in a "sexless marriage" and another that "I love [Tori], I love my wife, she just won't have sex with me."

What a guy!  Shout out to Candy for keeping that money safe!  I thought she was just being a greedy bitch.  My bad.

Dean has been going to therapy or rehab or something (he's had multiple spottings at an LA rehab center in the last month) and allegedly that's what prompted him to get all Truthy McMayHaveSTDS.

Sources say Tori is heartbroken that the guy who cheated with her and left his wife for her is stepping out again.  I don't know if she's putting out or not but I DO know she is a BAD actress with messed up tittays and a bit of an attitude problem.  Marrying her was probably not his best idea...

There's a line in She-Devil when Roseanne voice overs "She's learning that men that burn so hot for a mistress cool off fast when the mistress starts acting like a wife."

That's a good tip, ladies.  Write that down.

Image Via www.gofugyourself.com

Donna Martin is Knocked Up Again

I feel like every nine months or so I write this post.  (I think they may be trying to be all Kate Plus Eight or Duggarlicious or something...)

Tori Spelling is having ANOTHER baby!  She just had one, Hattie - her and Dean's third, about a hot minute ago so...not really sure what's going on here...I kind of feel bad Dean's been married to a pregnant hormonal chick for half their marriage.  Actually - scratch that - I feel worse for his ex-wife and kids, but this isn't really about that whole mess...

The former actress posted this link to twitter:

"Dean, Liam, Stella, Hattie and I are beyond thrilled to announce that another little McDermott is on the way!  We feel truly blessed that another angel has found us."

Huh?

Where was the angel?  In Dean's cheating schlong?  Gah!

Congrats AGAIN.  I'm sure I'll be writing a similar post in another year...

 Image Via www.torispelling.com

Tori Spelling's Response to Her Twitter TittayGate

In response to her husband putting a twitpic of her horrifying boobies on twitter, Tori Spelling said this:

"It's like, what am I going to do? I am a mom, I was nursing my baby. [Dean] was so devastated about it that I couldn't be mad. I mean it was genuinely an accident. [Besides] if you are ever going to have someone tweet a picture of your boobs, I would rather it happen now than any other time because when you are nursing, your boobs look better than ever, bold [and] beautiful. I just had my nipples insured, so yeah, it's good."

What am I going to do?  Keep yo' tittays to yo'self is what you should do!  And keep that whack shit off twitter.  And "Bold and beautiful?"  The fuck?  Does she know what boobs are supposed to look like? 

I get that it was accident but is that bitch Dean blind?!?  Shit!  Stevie Wonder can see those freakishly huge nips in the background...

Image Via www.tmz.com

Dean McDermott Posts Pic of Tori Spelling's Tittays on Twitter

Way to go, a-hole!!!

Check out the tit pic (above) that dumbass Dean McDermott posted of his cash cow wife, Tori Spelling last night.

Now, I'm not real uptight or anything but isn't that Liam kid at the age where peepees and boobies stay in the potty and all that???  I don't even want to know why they lay around nekkid with a four-year-old but whatevs...at least she's not pretending to be an actor anymore.

That was so...annoying. 

Anyway - he took the pic down from Twitter but it's still on his Lockerz page...If you must see her wonky tits in all their NSFW glory (her nipples are effin' huge!) click HERE.

Guy's such a tool!

Image Via www.tmz.com Via www.twitter.com

Wanna Gawk at Tori Spelling's New Kid?

Well, here you go you sick bastards.  The former TV star/current reality show failure pooped popped out another kid for her idiot cheating husband Dean to abandon.

It's another girl and her name is Hattie, because she apparently came out looking like an 89-year-old grammy, she joins son Liam, 4, and other daughter Stella, 3.  The article never mentions Jack, her stepson by the sucker whose hubby she stole but he's prob better off ignoring these two assholes. 

Tori claims Hattie was unplanned but let's not fuck around okay?  She is so damn terrified of losing his cheating ass she thinks that the more kids she pops out the less likely he'll be to do her dirty.  I seen the show!  And I'm a chick - I know what's up - no dumb broad wants to have 3 kids in 5 years.  Of the 60 months they've been married - she's been knocked up for almost 30!  So basically, their sex life must SUCK!  Tori told UsWeekly that, "The baby wasn't planned, but it obviously happened for a reason. Knowing we were bringing a third life into the world just enhanced our relationship. The moment I had her, I looked at Dean and fell in love with him all over again."

Yeah right!  And then Dean probably said, "Stop getting knocked up!  I want to have sex with somone who isn't fatter than fucking Precious in the next decade.  And this is off topic but we should really do something about your wonky tit job.  That shit is WHACK!"

I say "probably" because he never really said it...

But you just KNOW homeboy's thinkin' it!

Images Via www.perezitos.com (Originally From UsWeekly Magazine)

Tori Spelling is Pregnant!

Tori Spelling has gone over to Twitter to tell every one of her 347526 followers and all of their followers...so the whole effin world basically...that she is knocked up by her idiot husband Dean McDermott!  Well, la-di-da!  PS - That is an old pic of her showin' her shit off while preggers with one of her other littleuns. 

The sometimes actress posted, "I know there's been a lot of speculation, so I wanted everyone to hear from me… Its official…Dean & I are PREGNANT!!!!"

I knew something was up when she started eating again and her boobies went even more wonky than usual!  I'm like a Private Dick, y'all!  Emphasis on the word Dick...

Congrats to the family - I hope if it's a girl she doesn't get your real nose, Boo! 

Image Via www.damnimcute.com

What the Hell is Going on With Tori Spelling's Boobs?

Can someone get this home-wrecking bitch a mirror please?  Or a new pair of tits?  Cuz these ones are all messed up!

Dean McDermott, Tori Spelling and her gnarly boob job showed up at an Oxygen event looking a little bit well, wonky.

Now, we've all seen bad boob jobs before...Heidi Montag, Kelly Bensimon, Tara Reid...the list is endless.  So maybe the public has come to accept them as pretty normal, I have not.

I can't help but pull a big WTF doubletake when I see a refund gap the size of the Grand Canyon or a shifting boob that is nowhere near where it is supposed to be in a normal person...Tori Spelling showed up last night sporting both of the above booby no-nos as well as a Helluva dent in one!

I'm starting to feel bad for Dean surprisingly, he didn't sign on for this life of baby-making and reality Hell.  I'm pretty sure he signed on for a life of luxury and ease...he was probably thinking "...just don't look at the bitch - soon all of Aaron Spelling's money will be yours and until then, just don't look at the bitch or imagine she's someone else when you pity-bang her."  Alas, it seems like Dean-o is right back where he was with his other wife - in a pretty slick mini-mansion, working sometimes in TV movies and knockin' out kids.  Mind you, he's a little more famous, but for all the wrong reasons.

Check out the pics of Tori and her boobies going all rogue below:

Somebody should call Dr. 90210!  Tell him Donna Martin needs to fix her boobs stat!

Images Via www.celebitchy.com