Donald Trump Makes his "Huge" Obama Announcement - Turns Out to be Not So Huge

Oh my god!  Trump is loooosing his damn mind, man!  This shit is straight up Dr. Evil asking for one billion dollars - minus the cat...and the mini-me (unless your count that waspy mofo Don Jr. which I don't.)

For a couple of days now, the Trumpster had been touting some sort of HUGE announcement that would be a bigass "bombshell" that would change the election - "a big fact" that he said would rock Obama's world.  Ugh!  Always yakking this one...  

Well, he made the announcement today...and it SUCKED!

The big fact (that isn't a fact at all let alone a fucking big one) is that he will give the prez $5 million to release his passport and college records.  One hour after he is satisfied with the transcripts, he will donate the money to whatever charity Obama wants.  He has until October 31st at 5 pm.

See?  Dr. Evil, yo!

I don't get what the hell he thinks is in these records - did the prez get a C in bio?  Did he flunk math?  I know that I, for one, would be SHOCKED if I saw that the President of the United States fucked around a bit in college!

No, I wouldn't.

I don't think that the big O would even respond to this garbage.  I see what Trump did there with the philanthropic twist and all adding pressure (not to mention giving Trump ammo to tweet that the president doesn't care about charity in the event that he tells him to go fuck himself) but I'm pretty sure the big guy's got more important things to do.  

You know, like "forge" long form birth certificates to get crazy assholes off his damn back so he can concentrate on running a country.  Important stuff like that.



Image Via www.toxichominid.com

Ann Romney thinks Airplane Windows that Don't Open are a "Real Problem"

I don't like to get all into the politricks because people are poopooheads who can't handle reasonable debate  but I got a kick outta this...

Ann Romney recently served up this little tidbit of stupidity to the L.A. Times in reference to airplane safety.  (She was recently on a plane that had a small electrical fire and had to make an emerge landing.)

"When you have a fire in an aircraft, there's no place to go, exactly, there's no - and you can't find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don't open. I don't know why they don't do that. It's a real problem. So it's very dangerous."

Well shit woman!  That is dangerous!  

 

Almost as dangerous as allowing air into a pressurized airplane cabin killing everyone from lack of oxygen...

Almost.

Image Via www.heraldsun.com.au

Chinese Politicians' Orgy Pics Go Viral

Oopsie!

Over in China, a couple of pretty incriminating pics have surfaced of some high ranking officials in some low ranking orgy shots.  Seriously, this shit is HELLA unsexy!  

The viral pics are supposedly of the Party secretary of Lujiang county in Anhui Province, Wang Minsheng, his deputy, Jiang Dabin, and the party's youth leader at Hefei University, Wang Yu.

WANGS!

The pics went viral last week on Weibo (essentially twitter in China) but the State Council Information Office - China's web censor - has since stepped in issuing an "official directive" stating 'all websites must stop following and hyping the so-called "Lujiang Indecent Photos Incident."'

"Naked photos" and similar search words have also been banned from the site.

Minsheng maintains that this shit was doctored up by his "political enemies" but Wang Yu already admitted to being in the pics, even admitting one of the chicks is his school teacher wife.

It's now being reported that the mens' party memberships have since been revoked and Wang Yu has been fired.

Should've kept his wang in his pants...Or at least offline...

Images Via www.dailymail.co.uk

Mayor Kim Kardashian is the Dumbest Idea Since Plain Kim Kardashian

Gah!  What is with Kimbo?  She must be bored...Now she says she's going to run in the mayoral election in Glendale???  

In a bonus clip from Khloe and Lamar she waxes political with her beasty big sis about her dreams of being mayor...she says:

"I decided I'm going to run for the mayor of Glendale.  So, you have to have full residency in Glendale...So for real, Noelle's going to head my campaign...but it's going to be in like five years.  So I have to buy a house there.  You have to buy a house there.  Noelle and I are looking into the requirements and I'm literally going to have a huge...She's going to help me with my campaign.  Cause it's like Armeniantown.  But I need to wait like five years."

Um, what?  Gooble, garble, donkeypunch...Who talks like that???  And who the fuck is Noelle?  

This chick has lost her damn mind!  She's starting to sound like Gary Busey and shit...'Scuse me, CHIEF Gary Busey.

Image Via www.lipstickalley.com

Is Gadaffi in LOOOVE with Condeleezza Rice???

So long story short, they finally busted into Gadaffi's compound, and upon looking for some nefarious shit found...wait for it...wait for it...

A scrapbook filled entirely with pics of Condeleezza!!!

That is sooo fucked up!

Apparently, he has said before (in 2008) that, "I support my darling black African woman, admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders. ... Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. ... I love her very much. I admire her, and I'm proud of her, because she's a black woman of African origin."  Leezza, Leezza, Leezza?  Um, I think dude LOST it about five minutes ago!

Guy is such a fucking weirdo!

Image Via www.articles.nydailynews.com

Rush Limbaugh is an Idiot - Calls "Biracial" Cookie Or-bam-eo

Rush Limbaugh is being a jerkoff again...

This dumbass decided to go on a bit of a rant on his stupid but mega-popular radio show (damn tea party!) about a new Oreo cookie that's a two-tiered little nugget of yumminess, turning it into an opportunity to bring up Barrack Obama's biracial background again.  For some reason he was all about outing the cookie as biracial, as if that's a bad thing to be (and as if cookies have races lol) and called it an Or-bam-eo.  Seriously dude? 



What?  I don't think he's spreken de english!  And are we sure this guy's not all doped up still???  Because he sounds like a GD meth head when he talks.

He also took a random shot at the first lady, basically saying it was a big old screw you to Michelle Obama from Kraft in regards to her healthy eating campaign because they came out with a super-unhealthy product.  Guy's really reaching here, eh?   

Oh and by the way before I forget, fuck you Limbaugh!  I'm biracial you asshole.

Image Via www.salon.com

Christine O'Donnell Throws a Fit and Walks Out on Piers Morgan

But she's still not a witch so...that's good.

Christine O'Donnell was on Piers Morgan about an hour ago and bitch ended up throwing a fit and walking the eff out!  Who does she think she is?  Paris Hilton???

Honey, you are NO Paris!

O'Donnell seemed to be holding her own against the superstar interviewer until he brought up questions about gay marriage - keep in mind, through the whole interview she (not so skillfully) shimmied her way around ANY sort of controversial topics throughout even though the book she was there to promote was apparently chalked full of snazzy anecdotes about her greatest hits.

Basically, O'Donnell was there to talk about the book but did not want to talk about the book - huh?

She did go a bit into the mentality behind her I'm-not-a-witch-gate and the anti-masturbation clips from MTV but then dodged other questions also relative to her book.  O'Donnell even had the gall to ask some crazy batshit question like, shouldn't I be allowed to just talk about what I want to?

Um no!  It's an interview to talk about YOUR book.  YOU said all that shit!  Hell, YOU wrote it down to make money!  

So, yeah - interviewers interviewing you about your book can ask you about what's in it!

Dumbass.

Image Via www.broadcastingcable.com  

Rod Blagojevic - GUILTY!

The verdict is in on sheisty politician and shamed Senate-seat-seller Rod Blagojevic and he's guilty!  Duh!

Kind of loses the thrill of the case when they have tapes of the dude being guilty, you know?  It's like watching Titanic for the first time, you know what's going to happen at the end, but you still watch it because you're hoping there's a surprise - like showing Leo's nekkid ass - that would've made that movie a million times better.  Heart of the ocean my ass!  Oh and Celine, I know you're our Canadian treasure and all but if you could be less of a bore, yeah, that'd be great...

But I digress, the shady bastard was found guilty of 17 charges (out of 20 day-um!) and now faces a substantial jail sentence.  What a dumbass!  It amazes me how rich people will do just about anything to be more rich!  WTF is that about?

Sayanara Blagojevic!  See how I didn't make any cracks about him not being able to turn on a laptop on Celebrity Apprentice?  I figure the guy's going to be someone's bitch soon enough and that, my friends, is punishment enough.     

Image Via www.beautytrends.com

Bristol Palin: I lost my Virginity Drunk on Coolers

Isn't this chick a reaaal treat? 

In the wake of the release of those anti-climactic emails from her idiot mother Sarah, Bristol's upcoming book is now making headlines as excerpts from her memoir have surfaced.  TMZ has a few of the literary gems and, in my opinion, they make her look like a complete asshole.

Apparently, she was wasted on wine coolers (note women - just because it has wine in it doesn't make it classy), she woke up (probably nekkid and hungover) and could not remember a thing about her night of teenage passion, and when our little princess woke up ... Levi had peaced out! 

"Bristol says she and Levi used condoms, but she got knocked up anyway. Levi's reaction when she broke the news -- 'Better be a fucking boy.'"

Momma Grizzly or pitbull with lipstick or hockey mom or whatever was "shocked" because she had no clue Bristol was such a horny drunk sexually active. 

The lovely Bristol goes on to say Levi cheated on her all the time and came home drunk with hickeys on his neck.   Um, then maybe it's best not to bang the drunk, hickey-covered, bumpkin cheater that stumbles home smelling like country cootch...seriously, like I think common sense stepped outta here about five minutes ago...

Bristol finally ended things when Levi came home one night reekin' of booze and slutty high schoolers and told her he got another ho pregnant (I'm paraphrasing there)...and get this - Levi named his other bastard kid Bentley, which was her first choice when they were naming Tripp!  This guy slays me!

Anyways, the book comes out Tuesday and Levi's best seller is out in fall.  And as far as I know, Sarah Palin is still on a bus. 

Image Via www.sheknows.com

Fox "News" Shows Tina Fey Instead of Sarah Palin - Video

Methinks someone might get fired for this one!

During a broadcast on Fox "News", while talking about 2012 presidential contenders, they posted a pic of Tina Fey doing a Palin impersonation instead of the real Palin!  WTF?

I knew these guys were horrible at news casting but doesn't Palin work for them as a correspondent!?!  Good Lord!  Get your shit together!

The station released this statement:

"This past Sunday during America's News Headquarters, a graphics error was made during a segment on former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.  The producer has since been disciplined and an explanation and apology will be made in the same hour next Sunday. Fox News regrets the error."

Wow!  Now if they can just stop calling the president Osama it'll be all good!

Anthony Weiner: It WAS my Weiner!!!

Well, duh idiot!  I could tell this dude was lying from the get go!  Saying it's "Not my penis...", what a jackass!

The infamous Weinergate Congressman is doing a press conference right now (livestreaming on TMZ) and he's now admitted that he sent a picture of his pecker (covered pecker) to a young lady via Twitter. 

Though Weiner claims he tweeted it by accident (he said he was shitting a brick after he realized he sent it and that saying he was hacked was the best idea he had to save face at the time) he said that he has done things like this before.  Who is this guy?  Kim Kardashian?  God, politricks have become so trashy!

The press is going apeshit about his wife not being there but Weiner claims that he has apologized to her like the little bitch he is and though she's pretty pissed she has forgiven him.  Weiner says he won't retire and is playing the whole thing like a "what I do in my personal life doesn't effect my professional life" kind of way...

Oh snap, now he's starting to cry!

I hate cheaters but you know, it's not like he killed someone and he says he never met up with any of the chicks he sent pics of his dick to and actually cheated so, let's just all get over it now...

PS - Weiner says he will continue to use Twitter though not in the way he "...was previously using it".

PPS - Props to the reporter who shouted out at the end, "Are you going to have to support Arnold's love child now?"  Smartass!

Image Via www.current-movie-reviews.com

Middle School Yearbook Enrages Parents for Bashing Bush and Cheney

Leave it to Fox "News" to make a big deal out of something that really isn't news...

Parents in Russellville, Arkansas are pissed off something fierce about a Worst People of All Time List that made its way into their kid's yearbooks.  Are they POd because kids shouldn't hate on anyone?  Maybe they think that the yearbook should only be for happy memories and bitchin' pro-summer comments?  Nope.

It's because the little buggers named George W. Bush and Dick Cheney as numbers four and five respectively!  L to the OL!   

One parent said, "I'm furious as a parent and as a board member and as a tax payer and as a resident of Russellville.  It's wrong."  The school said it was an oversight and they were assured by the publisher that the prob had been fixed.  But check this out, they fixed it by putting some good old black tape over it (no word if it was duct or regular).  When interviewed by Fox, Superintendent Randall Williams was shocked to hear that people can see the list by simply peeling the tape off.

"Really?" said Williams when told the tape could be pulled off. "Well that's disappointing because the yearbook supplier told us this was a definite fix."  Um, hello???  You stupid?  Do you know what tape is and how it works, bitch?  Fuck No Kid Left Behind, let's hire some new goddamn school staffers!

Part of the whole stink has to do with the others who made the list...some of history's worst murderers!  Number one is Hitler (right on there kiddies), number two is Osama Bin Laden (good stuff), three is that crazy bastard Charles Manson with the Republican leaders rounding it out.



Damn Liberal lamestream media and their agenda of raising kids who hate right wing politicians!  Damn them all to hell!

Image Via www.sharethis.com

Donald Trump Not Running for Prez

Duh!  Big effin shocker this one is!

After months of being "indecisive" and using the upcoming presidential election as his own personal media blitz, The Donald and his hair have decided not to run for President of the United States.  He announced today that "After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency.  This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country.  I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly.  Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector."

Translation:  I am a big stupid douchebag who thought that if I ran as a Republican I could get voted in because I'm famous and then I could let my beautiful foreign wife Melania move into the White House and decorate it with gold leaf and all that other pretentious garbage rich people decorate with.  I also thought that as President it meant I got free blowjobs for life (a la Clinton and Kennedy) but that appears to be somewhat misleading.  Therefore I will continue to rule the business world with my ferocious comb-over as well as continue to exploit stars like Gary Busey for my own ratings gold.

Well, God bless America, eh?

Image Via www.businessinsider.com 

Osama Bin Laden is Dead

Last night, after a gun battle during a "kill mission" in Pakistan, Navy Seals and CIA paramilitary forces killed the most wanted and possibly most hated man in the world, Osama Bin Laden. 

"Bin Laden died in a gunbattle with Navy SEALs and CIA paramilitary forces at a compound in the city of Abbottabad," U.S. officials said and NBC News' Savannah Guthrie (quoting an unnamed U.S. official) reported that he was "shot in the left eye".

A DNA analysis established with "100 percent certainty" that the body was bin Laden's. One of bin Laden's wives, who survived the firefight in the compound, also identified him, the official said.

Crazy!  A good day for Obama and an even better day for America.

Whatcha got to say now, Trump?

Image Via www.tattle2.me

Obama Releases Long Form Birth Certificate - Trump Takes Credit

So, the White House has released the much debated long form of President Barack Obama's birth certificate to shut up the Republican assholes who were "unsure" about whether he was really born in the U.S.  Obama said that the debate was becoming "bad for the country".

Donald Trump had recently jumped on the idiot bandwagon and was shooting his mouth off to anyone who would listen about how he didn't believe that the Prez was born in the U.S.  It had been the Trumpster's main point in his quest for global supremacy presidency - that, along with promises of some ridiculous ballroom he wanted to build on the front lawn of the White House or some such bullshit.

SIDEBAR:  In a moment of Captain Insano rambling Trump had even said that if Obama released the long form BC he would release his tax returns.  Booyah!  Your move asshole!  

Anyways, now the infamous businessman/sideshow is relishing in the faux fact that he, and he alone, basically made shit happen.  Well, la-di-da!  Trump for President!  Not!  (Are we still saying Not! or is that like, totally over?)

The hair-challenged one said, "Today, I am very proud of myself because I have accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed...that our president has finally released a birth certificate. …He should have done it a long time ago…when the Clintons asked for it.”  He's also found a new point of ridiculousness to debate about saying that Obama "was a "terrible student" who shouldn't have gotten into Columbia University or Harvard Law School.  How does a bad student go to Columbia and then to Harvard?"  He wants Obama's school records released ASAP!  You hear that mofos!  Release that shit or he will keep talking smack like a little girl who lost her dolly!

Seriously?

Is Trump bored?  Is Melania too busy decorating their solid gold apartment to pay any attention to him?  Seriously, this guy's like a tantrum-throwing baby!  Somebody give him something to do, man!  Then maybe he'll STFU about this nonsense and go back to making fun of how fat Rosie O'Donnell is or something.

You're fired, dude!  Oh wait, you were never hired!  Phew! 

Image Via Reuters

Tea Baggin' OC Republican Sends Out Obama-As-A-Monkey Email

Marilyn Davenport, one of those crazy, birther, tea party activists (and an elected member of the central committee of the Republican Party of Orange County) has been polluting people's mailboxes with a pretty racist photo and email.

The caption beneath the picture above read,  “Now you know why no birth certificate.”

Oh snap!  That's just mean bitch!

She is now back-peddling like a good little Republican,  Davenport told the OC Weekly the e-mail was "just an Internet joke," and asked "You're not going to make a big deal about this are you?"  She also offered up some lame half-apology, telling the OCW, "I'm sorry if my email offended anyone.  I simply found it amusing regarding the character of Obama and all the questions surrounding his origin of birth, in no way did I even consider the fact he's half black when I sent out the email. In fact, the thought never entered my mind until one or two other people tried to make this about race."

Yeah - because monkeys have never had any sort of negative connotations with African-Americans.  Please!  Don't embarrass yourself anymore, honey. 

Scott Baugh, the Republican Party of Orange County Chairman, suggested she should resign (along with telling the AP "...it drips with racism.")  To which Davenport responded, “...I will NOT resign my central committee position over this matter that the average person knows and agrees is much to do about nothing.”

In my opinion she can crack jokes all she wants but keep it clean people!  Try and keep this in mind, racism is rarely funny...write that down. 

Image Via www.tucsoncitizen.com

Donald Trump Presents Fake Birth Certificate

What is wrong with the Donald?  I used to be such a fan!

Ever since getting on the idiot train and professing that he is one of the weirdos that believes that Obama hasn't provided his birth certificate leading him to believe he is hiding something (IE - that he's not an American citizen) he has been fielding questions about where his is at.

SIDEBAR:  For the record Obama has provided it - just not the long version.

Well, the Trumpster provided his own the other day and it looked like some fake ass shit if I do say so myself!  It was some strange, chicken-scratched piece of garbage from the Jamaica Hospital in NYC.

The Smoking Gun has now confirmed that the certificate is phony stating that, "...he provided the conservative web site with what he purports to be his birth certificate.  Except the document is not an official New York City birth certificate, but rather a document generated by Jamaica Hospital, where Trump's mother Mary reportedly gave birth in June 1946. Official birth certificates are issued (and maintained) by the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene's Office of Vital Records."

Hmmm, weird.  Is Trump hiding something?  Maybe that he is a robot conceived by a brilliant businessman to take over the world?  Mwahahaha!  Or maybe he doesn't want us to know that he was born to a three-legged prostitute mother from Yemen who placed him for adoption to the Trump's under the guise of him being a miracle baby...who the fuck knows?

Point is - tit for tat Donald or no tit at all!  Shut your mouth about the B.C. and stop pretending to be running for President...it's annoying me.

Image Via www.gawker.com

Barack Obama Annual Turkey Pardoning

They were scheduled to be executed, the clock was ticking down, they would soon be just two more stuffed-carcasses with delicious cranberry sauce and then it happened...

They were pardoned by the President!!!

In the annual (and totally pointless) turkey pardoning President Obama saved two turkeys, Apple and Cider, from becoming someone's dinner this morning in a boring-ass ceremony.

The turkey's were spared, Obama cracked some lame jokes, the world moved on... 

George Bush on Leno

Love him or hate him the man is funny as Hell!  Last night on a Leno appearance he was quite entertaining.

I am a pretty liberal-minded person so George W. isn't exactly my favorite former President, but as a drinking buddy man this guy rules.  Policies aside, George tells a mean joke and if he hadn't quit drinking ages ago, I would so get my buzz on with him!  Below is a link to the segment (hit next on the page for the video).

http://blog.snapler.com/2010/11/19/bush-on-leno-george-w-bush-jokes-about-exit-strategy-drinking-video/

Cheating Conservatives Voting Bristol All the Way to the End

I knew it!  Those crazy Palin-loving conservatives are skewing the votes on DWTS so that their faux-famous baby mama Bristol can take home the stupid, meaningless Disco Ball Trophy!

Gawker.com has trolled the blogs and Twitter to find evidence of some - ahem - foul play amongst DWTS voting.  Whaaa?  Is that really necessary?  These jerks have way to much free time on their hands!

The following excerpts are just a few of many, and I mean MANY, incidents of conservatives posting how they are trying to rig voting for America’s favorite single mother:

"Got my 80 votes in online…took 2 hours. I am beat!"

"[T]he fact we've been all doing this for Bristol has been driving the Left NUTS…For conservatives, enjoy the fun of finally, at last, getting a taste of what it's like to be a Democrat. You can vote as much as you want. You can vote using all sorts of names. You can vote all day. You can't get paid to vote, because you aren't really a Democrat, silly, but you can get as close as you can possibly get without being in a union or taking part in ACORN."

"I only got 42 in, I have some catching up to do!"

"Lord have mercy, I voted for 3 hours online! I got 300 in."

"You may not be a fan of the show or even Bristol but I firmly believe her continued success on the show demonstrates the power of the tea party."

Wowsa!  Not since Kate Gosselin was called an unfit mother for dancing the night away while her kids sat at home with nannies and her useless Ed Hardy swaddled ex and Michael Bolton threw a hissy fit about the judges being mean to him have we had so much controversy on this show!  Seems like politricks as usual with these fools…if you can’t beat them cheat your ass off, if that doesn’t work you can always scare them into thinking there are weapons of mass destruction in the trophy that will only go off if Bristol doesn’t win.