Justin Timberlake's Wedding Happened

Damn that Jessica Biel and her ass that won't quit!  Damn them both to hell!

It makes me sad that so shortly after hearing the heartbreaking news that Ryan Reynolds married Serena Van der Hobag I had to see this HORSESHIT on a newsstand...

BAM!

Justin's off the market too now!  Heartbreaking!

They had a perfect ass $6.5 million wedding this past Friday - I'm not going to get too into the details because quite frankly I don't care but here's the cliffs notes for those of you into this sort of thing >

- She wore Giambattista Valli and Justin wore Tom Ford

- It took place in Puglia, Italy
-No one from 'NSync was there

- Guests were flown in by private jet

- He serenaded her with a song he wrote for the occasion

- Jimmy Fallon was there

Congrats to the couple!  I don't think I could've put up with that pop singing shit anyways...

Image Via www.people.com

The 2012 Met Gala Barfed Up a Bunch of Fashion Last Night

Image Via www.thatgrapejuice.net

Last night the Metropolitan Museum of Art was awash with the beautiful people in all their finest gear.  All the pomp and circumstance aside, the Met Gala is about fashion...fashion and Justin Timberlake's ass...

That sweet, sweet ass...

Let's take a looky-loo and see who shut that shit down and who was just...shut down.

The most beautiful woman in the world wore the ugliest lace dress known to man.

Cameron Diaz covered up her man arms and channeled Helen Mirren for the night.

Chloe Sevigny went for her standard I Color Outside the Box look.

Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy looking all sorts of right!

Christina Ricci had a little mishap here when one dress tried eating another one...

Emma Stone does no wrong, yo!  She's the new Natalie Portman - time's gonna tell on that shit. ;)

Here's a picture of Gwyneth Paltrow pretending she's not older than everyone else.

HATE Jessica Alba...LOVE this dress.  Stupid Jessica Alba!

Jessica Biel wore her curtains and LOOK!!!  There's Justin Timberlake's fine ass!!!  Gratuitous Justin Timberlake picture topless in black and white coming up >

Image Via www.zimbio.com

Oh yeah!  That's the stuff!

Back to the Met though...Kristen Stewart wore this ridiculous shit and forwarded that memo right over to...

...Mary-Kate Olsen who threw on some mad black satin - lol WTF is this?

I'm guessing that Sarah Jessica Parker sent the aforementioned Wear Ridiculous Shit memo.  Yikes!

Rihanna can't really look bad, but I've seen her look hella better.

This is Rachel Zoe's skeleton covered up in loose white bandages.  Someone should prob call 911 ASAP...

Giselle Bundchen Brady looks fine as hell but I can't even look at Tom Brady any more.  #AntiFauxhawk

And the WTF award goes to granny panties herself, Elizabeth Banks!  That is not a good look, dude!  Thatisall.


Post Images Via www.toofab.com

This is the Ring that Justin Timberlake Put on It

Jessica Biel's engagement ring has hit the web...

Justin Timberlake proposed to the stupid shelf ass in January but she hadn't been wearing a ring until now.  The paps caught a glimpse of the sparkler when she stepped out with JT while wearing a fucking Muumuu for some reason (baby bump watch anyone?)

Apparently the superstar had it custom-made for his lady.

Not too shabby!

Images Via www.toofab.com   

Justin Timberlake Supposedly Put a Ring on Shelf Ass Jessica Biel

Stupid Jessica Biel...If he's gonna marry anyone, it should be that sassy pants Cameron Diaz!  Ignore the man arms!  Those aren't a dealbreaker...or were they?  DUN, DUN, DUN...

Anywho, tabloids are abuzz with the rumor that mah boo JT proposed to Biel last month on a ski vacay in Jackson, Wyoming.  The shitstorm was set off by UsWeekly which isn't exactly CNN so...I'll believe it when I see it...

They report in the latest issue that an insider told them, "Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place."

(Oh barf.)

They go on to say, "After a brief three-month split in 2011, Biel made it clear that she wanted to spend her life with Timberlake, 30."  Well duh!  Who doesn't want to spend their life with Justin Timberlake?  Not exactly breaking news there...

Oooh, but here's a juicier nugget of maybe truth > "Another Timberlake insider" (whatever the fuck that is) told the rag that JT has "never been happier" and "...knew it was the right time to propose."

Boo!  He should just pull a George Clooney and bang his way through Hollywood.  He's rich, young and hot!  That's what I'd do anyway...(but I've been told I'm a bit off.) 

UPDATE 05/01/2011:  Ooooh!  Justin's MeeMaw or Gram Grams or whatever says it's true - Check out the article at RadarOnline.

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

5 Reasons Justin Timberlake Rules

Oh snap!  It's all Dave's Top Ten up in here!  Minus five...and Paul Schaeffer...

But I digress!  Let's take a look at the top five reasons that Justin Timberlake rules mah (and our) world shall we???  (I'm going to leave off that the mofo SMOKES he's so damn hot because that's a given.)

5.  He outed Britney when she lied about being little Miss Pure Ass Virgin to the world...and then years later referenced it an an SNL skit, simply saying, "He hit it."  Booyah Britney!  Checkmate JT!  (It is unfortunate that she broke the hell down shortly after cheating on him though.  No points there, that's just mean.)

4.  Timberlake brought SexyBack, bitches!  No one else could've sang a song like that without looking like a total toolbag.  So he gets teflon points here...Charlie Sheen is the only other motherfucker whose ever gotten teflon points on a random list so trust me, it's an honor.  Remember Nipplegate too?  Shook that shit off faster than you can say Janet Jackson's career is over, yo!  TEFLON!!!

3.  Is for Dick in a Box.  This dude has totally saved Saturday Night Live's lame ass in the last couple of years!  He got an effin' Emmy for that!  I'm not too sure if the award statue actually says "Dick" on it, but that'd be pretty funny, eh?  I laugh when people say the word "unit" though, so I think my sense of humor may be a little off. 

2.  Justin took a corporal to a marine ball when she asked him to go publicly via Youtube.  Granted, he couldn't have really said no (I mean come on!  They're killing Osama and shit and he's going to say no?  Don't think so.)  He does have the aforementioned teflon factor but no one fucks with the troops, man.  Heroes among men...Shout out troops!  Much love!  Mwah.

1.  Mother Lover.  Enough said.



Image Via www.shortfun.com

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Reunify as TimberBiel on Red Carpet

In the immortal words of Kurt Vonnegut...

And so it goes.

So it looks like Justin Timberlake and his fine ass have taken back Jessica Biel and her shelf ass because they were spotted, for lack of a better word, canoodling on the red carpet at his latest premiere for In Time.

The two broke up back in March but were spotted together this summer in Canada riding bikes and shit.  

They haven't come out and said they're back together BUT check out these pics and tell me these two aren't totally banging. 

Image Via www.ibtimes.com

Image Via www.poponthepop.com

Oh and some "onlooker" also gave this stupid quote:  "[They] became more and more affectionate, sneaking kisses, whispering to each other, and sharing quick back rubs and caresses. At one point, she pretended to punch him a couple times and he gamely bounced up and down like a jack in the box."

Ugh barf.

Title Image Via www.mjbstar.com

Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Screwing Again???

Oh who the eff know what's going on here now???  I can't keep up.  Can you guys keep up?  One minute he's grabbin Jackie Burkhart's tittays, the next she's on the back of Gerard Butler's slut bike, then he's in a movie with Cameron Diaz!!!  It's all so confusing!

So now, these two jerks are riding bikes around Toronto (shout out Canada!  Whoot!), visiting each other on set and generally just SCREWING with all of us when it comes to their dating status!  ARGH!  Why do you play with me JT???  Especially when I looove you so much!

Anywho, gist is they were riding bikes together so there is a chance that they are scroggin' again.  And come on, who the fuck rides a bike with a chick for no reason?  Unless you're my brother and we're fucking five-years-old the answer is NO ONE!!!  Dude MUST be getting himself a piece of that Blade 3 ass! 

But rumors are rumors and until I see him on top of her with his pants down around his sexy ankles I'm staying moot.

MOOT!!!

Image Via www.people.com

Who Wants to Buy MySpace??? UPDATED Justin Timberlake Does!

Apparently, no one!

Tila Tequila's website AKA MySpace is still up for sale and, in the saddest story I have heard since that mutant bunny was born with no ears, no one wants it!  Pfft!

MySpace owner News Corp. has said it would take no less than $100 mill for the company that it paid $580 mill for in 2005 but it turns out the industry just doubled over in laughter and flipped them the bird in regards to that cuckoo number.

There is one last kick at the can for MySpace with one interested party left...a group of investors is negotiating a price "nowhere near" that high though according to All Things Digital and News Corp. would still end up with around 20% of the crappy company.  Also, allegedly the deal "is not final and could easily fall apart."

Give it up, man!  This trashy blog is prob worth more than MySpace!

UPDATE 04/07/11:   Justin Timberlake has bought an apparently humungo stake in the sinking company and will "play a major role in developing the creative direction and strategy for [MySpace] moving forward."  The star said, "There’s a need for a place where fans can go to interact with their favorite entertainers, listen to music, watch videos, share and discover cool stuff and just connect ... MySpace has the potential to be that place."  Unexpected!  We'll see if this is another great move or if this is his biggest misstep since he freed Janet Jackson's tittay during the Superbowl.

Image Via www.nugrahajawa.com

Justin Timberlake Macking on Michelle Tanner?

Wait a minute.  I think I just hallucinated for a second...is Perez reporting that uber-talented JT is rolling with Ashley Olsen? 

Shit, he did!

According to his site, "People have been spotting them keeping super close in NYC since JT's awesome SNL show… we're talking the Greenwich Hotel, an SNL afterparty, two Broadway shows and a polo match outside the city."  Aw hell no!

But maybe they're just buddies...who are "super close"...and who hang out at hotels...right???

And I'm not trying to be a bitch here but isn't Ashley like the Khloe Kardashian of the Olsens?  (You know, like the cheap, crappy one?)  I could be wrong because I know nothing about the billionaire Full House stars but I'm pretty sure Mary Kate is the cool one (aside from that whole not eating thing.) 

Timberhottie denies that he is with her.

Image Via www.starandstyle.com

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel = Splitsville

According to People.com Justin Timberlake's fine ass and Jessica Biel's shelf ass are no longer united in asstastic celebrity union.

A rep for the pair said:

"Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other." 

I always thought he could do better than that 7th Heaven ho!

Adios, bitchface!  Justin - call me!

Image Via www.topnews.in

Justin Timberlake Hurts Himself on Set of New Flick

Justin Timberlake - a man so hot his name should only be spoken in a hushed whisper - hurt his leg last Wednesday on the set of his new movie, Now.

JT down!!!

He seems a-okay as he continued filming that day and was spotted the next night at a screening looking as hot as usual.  Phew! 

Next up for the megastar, he will be playing Boo Boo in the upcoming Yogi Bear movie which we won't hold against him as long as he does some damn full frontal in his next role and dumps his untalented, shelf ass girlfriend Jessica Biel (preferably in a super mean way).

Superhot Justin Timberlake Campaigning for Oscar

Possibly the hottest man on the planet Justin Timberlake is taking a break from being awesome to try and nab an Oscar for his work in the facebook film, The Social Network.

You go Glen CoCo!  If I were a member of the Academy I'd be stuffing some ballot boxes for him...I would do whatever Justin wanted me to do...ahhh Justin.  Boy is beyond FINE! 

Oh and how much do I hate stupid shelf ass Jessica Biel?  Hands off, woman!  JT belongs to the world...