Lindsay Lohan Got Arrested Again...

Man!  Lindsay is just SUPER ARREST-ABLE isn't she???  She spends more time in court than I spend at my stupid job!  And how fucking creepy as heeeell is it that girlfriend ALWAYS gets arrested when she's blond???  That's messed up!  Rock the firecrotch, Linds!  It's luckier AND funnier!

Random Warning > I feel like if you even look at that mugshot picture for longer than 30 seconds she steals your soul...before running over a couple of orphans with her Beamer while trying to get away...

Crazy bitch.

Anywho, here's what shook down this morning with the Patron Saint of Hot Messes >>>

Lindsay was out getting her club on in NYC at 4 am this morning (still night to her) after attending a Justin Bieber concert lol when she was cold buuuusted for punching some non-famous chick in the mug!

Allegedly.

Apparently, she got her ass in a knot when people wouldn't leave her alone - y'all know how busy nightclubs ARE a bitch to find peace and quiet in! - she was supposedly heard saying "Give me my space" before smacking a ho down...

Allegedly.

She was taken into custody (again) and went to the police station (again) and was booked (again).  Linds was charged with 3rd degree misdemeanor assault which wouldn't be so bad (hey, at least it's not another felony) if it weren't for the fact that she's already in the midst of battling 3 earlier charges where she lied to the popo about one of her infamous car crashes while filming that really shitty movie, Liz and Dick (don't watch that!)

Ay dios mio!  Someone gave her the damn keys to the kingdom and she just chucked 'em into her toilet, snorted a bunch of lines then took a dump on them!  What some people wouldn't give to have been in Mean Girls!  Show some respect!

She's due in court today for her last coupla crimes and has an appearance ticket to go back for the scrap this morning...

I am soooo watching this court shit if TMZ streams it, yo!  Should be waaay better than that damn Liz and Dick flick!  Seriously...can't get those two hours back, man!

I could've been watching the Hotlanta Housewives dammit!  Plonk!

Story Developing...

Update:  Boom!  Motivation given!  Now TMZ is reporting that the fight was over a dude from the boy band The Wanted named Max.  Word on the net is that Linds wants to bang him so that's why she was at the Justin Bieber concert last night before clubbin' - they were the opening act.  Thank god she didn't fuck Justin!  Phew!  Stay outta Canada, bitch!

Image Via www.eonline.com

Liz and Dick Drinking Gaaaaame!!!

So, with Lindsay Blohan's fifteenth fucking comeback coming up, I'm thinking we should all take a break from mocking her (I still kind of maintain most of the fuckedupedness comes from her 'rents) and get our DRINK on!  Let's drink to her new half sister, let's drink to her latest straight to her TV flick and let's drink to her not pro-creating!

Them's the rules >>>>

Drink everytime...

-"Liz" takes a drink on screen (alcoholic or not - at this point does it really matter?)
-"Dick" stares at "Liz's" ginormous tittays
-"Liz" get's married/divorced (that's approx 14 right there so thank me later mothers...)
-Gretchen Wieners shows up (her father invented Toaster Strudels)
-You see "Liz's" nipples
-"Dick" is called Dick instead of Richard.
-Michael Jackson shows up - take two if he has that poor fucking monkey Bubbles with him - take three if Macaulay Culkin is there
-Elizabeth Taylor rolls over in her grave (this one will happen a lot so keep an extra drink nearby...)

There you go - I work Sunday nights so I may be catching this shit on the rebound but if I hit my deadline early check for me on twitter (@bungledbotched) live tweeting...I can be fairly funny once the caesars be flowin'...

Letsbereals The only thing better than a really good movie is a really, really bad one...

Image Via www.luuux.com

Lindsay Versus Dina - The Lohan Shitshow Continues...

Do these assholes not know how to act like some common sense having human beings or what?  I mean really!

About a month or so after Dina showed up wasted on Dr. Phil to slur her way through an "interview" she's making headlines again - she's in trouble for domestic violence after gettin' into it with her mini-me daughter after a night at 'da club.

The two idiots were at The Electric Room (the club in the Dream Hotel which just happens to be where Lindsay was last accused of hitting someone with her car) and when they were leaving (at 4 fucking am mind you) the two lovely ladies began arguing about where the limo driver should take them.

Lilo wanted to go to her NY hotel and Dina wanted the limo to take her old busted ass home to Long Island so she wouldn't have to take a cab lol.

Evidently, that's when the shit hit the crazy bitch fan and Lindsay ended up calling daddy Lohan who in turn called the popo.  According to a source Lindsay was apparently yelling, "I've had enough of this!"

Ugh!  I think we've all had enough of this...

According to The New York Daily News the two were also fighting over an unpaid $40K loan Linds gave Dina because Lindsay makes really good decisions about her finances.  *rolling eyes*  

Lindsay had scratches on her leg and a broken bracelet that may or may not have been stolen.  A domestic incident report was taken but no Lohan's were arrested - the case has already been "closed out."

Domestic violence is no joke but I'm sorry!  Getting shitfaced at a club with your kid (I know she's not a kid but she's Dina's kid) until 4 am and then getting into a brawl with her because you don't want to cab it is cray!  Cray!!!  

(Props for not drunk driving though again, ladies!  Good job!)

UPDATE:  Here's the call between Lindsay and Michael.  Yikes!

Lindsay Lohan -- 'Dad, [Mom's] On Cocaine!' Full - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe

Image Via www.instinctmagazine.com

Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes are Battling it Out for Hot Mess of the Year

Ding, ding, ding!

Let's start with Lindsay Blohan here because let's face it - when it comes to being a hot mess, bitch has seniority.

LiLo was arrested early this morn for leaving the scene of one of her infamous accidents.  Evidently, she grazed some 30-year-old dude's knee with her porsche at a "very low speed" by the Dream Hotel in Manhattan.

Linds headed into the hotel, her latest alleged victim called the popo and when she exited at 2:30 the coppers nabbed her knee-grazing ass (allegedly) and the dude she hit headed to the hospital.

As cops took her into custody she was hilariously frantically screaming, "Call my dad!  Call my dad!"

Ugh!  Don't call that friggin' guy!  He's whack too!  Oh and forget about mommy there Linds - she's over on Dr. Phil losing her shit > Sidebar > Did y'all SEE that Dr. Phil?  Holy fucking shit!

She shouldn't be calling her 'rents anyways - she's a grown ass woman now!  Deal wit it.

She got a desk appearance ticket for the misdemeanor and peaced out without paying any bail.  This could affect her probation but no word on that yet.

Now we have Amanda Bynes - this chick is all BritBrit circa 2007, yo!  Rippin' around all night, suckin' on pipes and talking to inanimate shit...she's been on 'bloid blast for the last couple of months for her antics and finally her parents came a runnin'.

Though Bynes insists she isn't having a "Britney-type meltdown" and says that her parents would never pull a conservatorship power move they are nonetheless heading her way - leaving Texas to stay in LA nearby for a while.

The icing on the crazy cake is that these two have twitter accounts and they tweet superdumb shit about their self-obsessed drama.  Bynes famously tweeted Obama asking that he fire one of the cops who nabbed her for one of her DUIs and Linds scolded Bynes a couple of nights before her latest hit and run writing > "Why did I get put in jail and a Nickolodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far?"  PS - TMZ says a friend of Bynes says that she HATES being compared to Blohan even though she looks like her and acts like her and pretends to be her.

I'm no lawyer but I say REHAB!  Table for two!  And a couple of bus passes, but that's prob not gonna happen...

Image Via www.gossipcop.com

Kate Major got Knocked Up by Michael Lohan...

Yeah, I know this shit is kind of old news, but I'm a reaaaal lazy bitch sometimes and the first thing to fall to the wayside is my beloved trashy blog...generally I just start posting new stuff but this little ditty deserves a few cracks...

Lindsay Lohan's idiot father Michael went and knocked up Kate Major - for those who don't know about these two and their antics check it out > Here.  And here.  Oh, and here.

Yes, it's been a real rollercoaster of court dates, blow jobs and balcony jumping for these two and just when I thought it may be over...that bitch got preggers!  While there was a no-contact order!!!

Illegal baby!!!!!!!

The two morons seem over the moon about it (until the next altercation anyways) - the only one who seems to be in a stink is LiLo.  Reportedly, she thinks that if he can't pay child support for his kids now, he shouldn't have another one.

That's the smartest thing I've ever heard her allegedly say.

Good luck, kiddo!  You're gonna need it.

Image Via www.tmz.com

Lindsay Lohan Passed Out Again...

Oh Lindsay NOOOO!

Former jailbird/current hot mess Lindsay Lohan is in the 'bloids again...this morning girlfriend was found unresponsive at her hotel in LA.

Hotel?  Doesn't Lindsay have a house in LA?

Not important.

Paramedics arrived at the hotel after a member of the production team from the most-talked about straight to TV movie ever, Liz and Dick called 911.  They left shortly afterwards because getting hammered and passing out is not an ailment they say that she was fine.

She had complained earlier about not feeling well and being exhausted.

I buy that.  It's exhausting just watching her piss her life away!

Image Via www.celebitchy.com

Lindsay Lohan is a Free Bitch! (Pretty Much)

She did it!!!  Everybody DRINK!

Lindsay is finally off probation for the endless 2007 DUI case and is now on informal probation (in lieu of formal) for snatching that cheap looking gold necklace.

Informal probation means she just has to knock off the fuckery and obey all laws for 2 and a 1/2 years.  Now, for a normal person this is pretty easy to do, for Lindsay...

Giiiirl!  She just can't keep her hand out the cookie jar!

I'm not damning her back to jail yet, but I'm also not going to ignore the fact that every time she gets out she does something to get thrown back in.

The judge ended the court hearing by telling Blohan to "Stop nightclubbing and focus on [her] work."

What work?

Oh right!  She has an upcoming TV biopic about Liz Taylor coming out.  Producers had been worried that because she's a fucking criminal she has a record us Canucks wouldn't let her in.  (We have strict laws against letting people with criminal records into the country.  We're afraid they'll steal our poutine recipe or something.)

She got the green light the moment she finished schlepping up at the morgue for the last time and Canuck authorities signed off.

We don't really want her, honestly.  But I suppose we'll take her for a bit as an apology for sending you guys Justin Bieber.

We're even now.

I am a master of foreign relations!



Image Via www.tmz.com

Whaaa? Lindsay Lohan Paid to Get it On with That Skydiving Porn Star???

Jesus Christ!  Never ends...

Here's wassup > There's this porn star named Alex Torres AKA Voodoo, he's all famous because he was featured all ova the internets in a serious skydiving screwfest a while back.

It was on CNN, people!

Then we have Lindsay Lohan, she used to be a wicked good actress but has now been relegated to being a tabloid fixture and general fuck up.

Well...Voodoo called in to Toronto's Jim Richards Show (shout out Canada!!!) and said he banged Linds (for money no less) one night when her trainwreck daddy was sleeping one off upstairs.

TRANSCRIPT!!!

Transcript Via www.dlisted.com

 
 See???  He's "saying that."

And stupid Michael Lohan!  The hell was he even doing there with porn stars and his daughter?

I'm not about to believe a porn star (not that there's anything wrong with that) who just says some crazy shit to a Canadian radio station but either way - this family needs to seriously reevaluate some shit, man!  We're trying to have a sane society here!

Image Via www.dlisted.com

Anybody Wanna Call a Celebrity??? Dial-a-Star Lets You!

There's only one small thing...

The celebs SUCK!

Here's the breakdown of "celebrity" prices PER MINUTE for new site, Dial-a-star.com:

Dina Lohan and Michael Lohan (Lindsay's stupid parents) - $10 each
Angelina Pivarnick (the Staten Island dump) -  $10
Nadya Suleman (Octomom) - $15
Capri Anderson (described as a former Charlie Sheen porn star - but she wasn't even a goddess so like, what the fuck?)  - $10

Danielle Staub (prostitution whore from Real Housewives of New Jersey) - $18

I also hear that Angelique, that trashy french whore from the Rock of Love crap, is available for a price.  LOL, I can't!

So...my question is...

Why the hell is it so expensive to call Danielle Staub???  (*cough* phone sex *ahem*)

EWWWWW!

Whatevs, I'm kind of thinking about drunk dialin' Michael Lohan and trying to save him from himself...other than that - LAME.

Image Via www.celebuzz.com

Lindsay Lohan Fucked Up Again...

Lindsay!!!  What the hell are you doing, girlfriend?!?!  You are like two weeks and fuck all from graduating from shitfaced university and you had to go and screw the pooch again???

Tsk, tsk...'sa shame...'sa damn shame ya filthy poochscrewer...

Here's the dealio >

Lindsay Blohan has done shit herself again in public - ho hit someone and ran!  HIT AND RUN!!!  That's like beating the crap outta a nun in Jesus' eyes!

Blohan was going to get her club on say happy birthday to a friend AT A BOOZE-SERVING CLUB when she suffered a gnarly coke flashback from all the paparazzi circling her ride (allegedly).  She flipped out and decided against publicly fucking herself up the ass saying happy birthday to her friend and backed out of the parking lot.

That's when it happened...

LiLo GRAZED the goddamn knee of a club manager with her porsche!

Will she ever stop being so bad?

Anywho, the tale goes that dude was scraped up and though he didn't originally plan on suing (he didn't know who Lindsay was lol) once he figured out he got grazed by a golden cash cow he dialed up his lawyer ASAP!  And he went to the hospital - natch!

I ain't buying that guy was all fuckered from the H and R.  A witness said that right after he was "nudged" by the sports car he started smoking a hookah...

How funny is that shit?  Never ends...

PS - smoking hookahs is sooo bad for you > check it > LINK.

Image Via www.uncyclopedia.wikia.com

Lindsay Lohan is a Firecrotch Again

Now we can all move on with our lives!

Perhaps as a reaction to being mistaken for 60-something YO badass Debbie Harry the other day - Lindsay went and got her hair did, dying it back to red.

This is some pretty breaking shit!

She hasn't sported a ginger weave since 2009, I think right before she made that straight-to-TV stinker Labor Pains.

Better or just the same old trick?

1998 

2002

2006

2009

2011

Now

Title Image Via www.toofab.com 
Post Images Via www.google.com

Michael Lohan Applied for a Job at Burger King

Well, damn!  Didn't this mesh-shirt-wearing trick used to work on Wall Street or something?  Yikes!

The father of former actress/current dirtbag Lindsay Lohan, applied for a job at a BK yesterday in Palm Beach.  He has just been released from a residential treatment facility into a halfway house and the people there recommended he find a job to pass the time.

No word on if he's been hired or not but whether dude gets the gig or not, this guy needs to seriously re-evaluate his life, man!  Jumping out of windows, kissing Kim G., getting arrested over blow jobs...It's just too much!

Seriously.  It really is.

Image Via www.mamarazzi.org

Lindsay Lohan's Court Date was Less of a Hot Mess than Usual

Lindsay Lohan almost didn't make it to court today...You see, Lindsay likes to travel out of the country days before a court date and lose her purse.  Everyone then makes fun of her, she finds the stupid purse (or not) and heads into court (or not).  It all just screams drama!

But drama's kind of what our gal likes isn't it? 

Well, this was one of the times Linds found her purse because she showed up at the courthouse today looking like a damn porn star librarian just before she rips off her conservative shit for her "scene."

Things went well though, the judge said Linds completed her 12 days of community service early, went to an extra therapy session, and said the morgue was pleased by the work Lindsay has done there "at least as pleased as a morgue can be."  



Keep it together, girl!  I didn't think Brit (who is another infamous Disney whore) would make it back from celebrity death but look at her just a few days ago on stage!

(PS - That's Pauly D with her!  He's kind of a HUGE deal...lol)

Title Image Via www.tmz.com (Screengrab)
Post Image 1 Via www.tmz.com
Post Image 2 Via www.celebritysmackblog.com

Lindsay Lohan Loses Her Purse and Passport ... Again UPDATED: She Found It!

Dum, de, dum, dum...DUMBASS!  Sorry Judge I seem to have misplaced my purse...again.

Sidebar:  I do appreciate that she was able to get pictures of herself acting looking concerned from her hotel suite balcony released to major media sources so quickly!  Girl's P-R-O, and say what you will but you gotta respect a pro.

Lindsay Lohan - who is currently on vacay from doing nothing at all in Hawaii - has lost her fucking purse again just before she's due back in court.  Like, doesn't she have an entourage or something?  She needs to get some lackey (who she would probably verbally assault daily) to carry her shit around.

She lost her overpriced bag (she says it was stolen but she's all whack) last night and according to TMZ it contained her "...passport (and other ID), her probation paperwork...and tons of cash."  Not to mention that the stupid Chanel purse itself was worth a cool $5K.

Blohan was at a house party and when she left she blacked out forgot her bag in the car she took home.  By the time she woke up from being blacked out figured it out, the bag was gone.

She's due back in court on Wednesday so she needs to get her shit together ASAP or her bony nekkid ass is going back to jail for another no show.

I'm not exactly clear on why she would bring her probation papers to a house party but it's super convenient for someone who hates court to lose both their passport and said papers just before they're expected to show up in front of a judge!

But hey, who am I to speculate?  It's Lindsay's world, man...I just live in it.

UPDATE 11/12/11:  TMZ has the lowdown and says Linds was looking for her bag all night but came up with nada, they report that then, "...one of [Lindsay's] friends eyed a suspicious-looking local, and asked if he knew where the bag was. [TMZ] was told the local denied everything, but showed up with the bag minutes later ... claiming he found it on the street somewhere."

Without the $10K that was reportedly in it (in drug money cash).  Lindsay didn't ask questions and just quietly took her bag back.

How goddamn sketchfest is that?  Her friend just happened to notice a suspicious-looking local?  What was he doing?  Like looking through cut out slits in a newspaper?  This is all sorts of fishy... 

UPDATE 12/12/11:  Oh Lord!  Now there's audio tape of the incident!  In the recording, Linds worries she will be questioned about Pursegate 2011 by the judge on Wednesday and says her father is going to kill her.  Her father?  I thought she hated that douche?  She also talks about not trusting the locals.  LOL!  It's Hawaii, bitch!  Not Mexico!  Oh Lindsay! 

Image Via www.tmz.com

Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Leak Pictorial - NSFW

Hey-O!

Or maybe Hey-HO!

I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan's Playboy cover leak but here's the rest of the boobstravaganza for those of you who want to see some serious Blohan T and A.  It's pretty good - my man even stopped playing his vid to come take a peek and he could give a shit about this stuff.

Check out the pics HERE.

I would've embedded them but the last thing I want is for people to come onto the blog and get a face full of Lindsay tittays they never asked for!  That would be wrong of me. 

And PS - I would've bet bank this ho had HUGE sausage nipples!  Hmmm.  Perplexing.  

Image Via www.worldmags.net

Lindsay Lohan Thinks she was Dating Heath Ledger - Playboy Moves Release Date Up

Hugh Hefner is releasing Lindsay's vadge onto y'all sooner than later!

Yay?

Yes, someone (probably a blonde hobag) shouted into Hef's hearing aide that Lindsay Lohan's cover leaked on the internet and once he figured out what the internet was he had to rethink the release date for the issue.

Someone (again, probably a blonde hobag) tweeted for him, "Because of the interest & the Internet leak, we're releasing the Lindsay Lohan issue early."  Playboy is anticipating monster sales and have printed off a shitload of extra LiLo copies to make sure all the pervs can get their hands on it.  No set date has been announced.

Oh and check this shit out!

Somehow Star Magazine magically got a hold of Lindsay's "secret diary" and released some excerpts about how the actress was in love with (while secretly dating) Heath Ledger.

Hahahahahaha!

Dear Diary, I'm fucking cray cray.  Xo, Linds.

The date on the secret pages of the secret diary that is such a secret that there are no secret pictures of it is January 22, 2008.  And bitch wrote it in pink pen!  That's priceless!

"Today Heath died.  I'm in love with him….He was the love of my life. He taught me so much, and he was everything I've ever wanted and more.  I want to hear him laugh and hold me. I crave his touch and care."

He was the love of your life?  I thought Blohan was all about Samantha's butch ass?!?!  

Allegedly, in a 2008 phone conversation (unknown if the call was also secret) Dina "The Enabler" Lohan told her idiot dad Michael that their daughter was "dating Heath when he died."  Um, then why the hell did people on the scene call a fucking Olsen then???  Dina also works in crazytown though so...grain of salt.

Man, fake secret diaries are so crazy! 

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Cover Leaks

Now I know what you're thinking...

"Ew, what did it leak?  Like...syphilis or something."

But no!  Don't go there!  I'm talking about a media leak masterminded by Dina Lohan!  And it leaked all over my computer when I hit up my fave blog DListed.com just now...so now, because I have seen the cover, you all must too!

Editor's Note:  Totally drunk with power.

Anyways here is the stupid cover in all it's stupid alleged $1 million glory...Here's the actual pictorial (NSFW!) LINK.

No word yet on who we should give the photoshop award to.  (PS - is it just me or are homey's boobs saggin' like a mofo?  Damn!)

Title Image Via www.dlisted.com
Post Image Via www.nypost.com

Courtney Love is Lindsay Lohan's Sobriety Coach

Oh...gooooood? 

Is Courtney Love even sober?  She still looks a hot mess and her tittays be out all the time...she certainly doesn't act sober.  She could just be a dumbass - yeah, that's probably it.

Well, Courtney's dumb ass is now coaching Lindsay to be sober (according to Courtney.)  Anyone buying this?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Courtney says she's doing it because nobody else will.  Um, did Linds ask you though, dude?  People gotta ask you to do that.  Just FYI.

She is using her experiences to educate Lindsay and says one sobriety lesson went as such:  

"I went up to Lindsay's room one time and there was a show on called '101 Celebrity Oops' and I am like every other one, you know - boobs out, legs everywhere, throwing shit at Madonna, you know, whatever, I'm like 'Lindsay, look! Drugs are bad!'"

Hmmmm, interesting approach.

Good luck with ALL that, ladies!

Image Via www.gossip.toptopnews.com

Lindsay Lohan Checks Into Jail - UPDATED Jail was Scary, yo!

From TMZ at 11 pm PST:

"Lindsay Lohan checked into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, CA at 8:48PM PST to begin serving her 30 day jail sentence ... according to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department website.

As TMZ previously reported, Lindsay is expected to be released within hours of her arrival due to jail overcrowding.

Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore has said LiLo might have to spend overnight behind bars ... IF there are several other inmates checking out at the same time. LA traffic.

For now ... she's still in custody."

But I don't know about right now so keep your booze and cigs locked up.  I hear she also likes the cocaine so if you have any of that (which you shouldn't!) then keep that shit locked up as well.

UPDATED 07/11/11:  Lindsay Lohan is saying that her 4.5 hour stint in the pokey was "scary" even though the lucky bitch was alone in her cell during custody and was never placed with the general population.  She described the jail as "cold" and said it's one of the worst places she's ever been in her life.  Well, it's not da club, yo!  It's fucking jail.  And you got special treatment so STFU and tweet Jesus that you love him or something!   Yeesh! 

Image Via www.usmagazine.com

Lindsay Lohan Crashes Leonardo DiCaprio's Party

Party crashing bitch!

Lindsay Lohan threw her ugliest black grandmama sweater and some of her reddest red lipstick on and tried her damndest to get into Leo DiCaprio's J. Edgar Hoover party on Thursday night at the Roosevelt Hotel.  When the bouncer gave her a big HELLLL NO! she begged her washed up ass in!

Atta girl!  Never said she wasn't persistent.

Page Six reports, "Lindsay was arguing with the security to let her in, dropping every celebrity's name to get in. She could be heard saying, 'I have to go and see Leo.'"

Well we ALL have to go see Leo, ya dumb bitch.  But you can't just do it!  It's LEO!

"Eventually they let her in, but she made everybody uncomfortable. She was aggressive and random, storming around. She tried to get to Leo, but he was surrounded by his security and a posse of his friends.  Clint and Leo and Dustin Lance Black were talking, and Lindsay sent one of her aides over, demanding to get a photo with them, but security shooed them away." 

She certainly does seem "aggressive and random" but I'm confused as to what exactly a Lindsay Lohan aide is and what they do and who is Dustin Lance Black?  That's the most feminine dude's name I've ever heard.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Anywho, bottom line is Lindsay still sucks and cannot just ImLindsayLohan her way into shit anymore.  She's due to turn herself in pretty soon so hopefully she washes some of the desperate stank off herself in the prison showers. 

Pull yourself together! 

Image Via www.dlisted.com