This was on last Sunday but I got all caught up watching Conviction Kitchen so I missed it. It’s not online, I assume due to an evil socialist liberal plot, so I had to wait until TLC reran it.
The episode starts off pretty slow with Sarah talking about her day to day life, yawn! After working out she takes Bristol to the shooting range where she had her first baby shower. Classy! Sarah vehemently states that she loves to “tell that story because it gets the liberals all wee-wee’d up.” What the Hell is wee-wee’d up? Some sort of Republispeak? Wikipedia didn’t seem to have an answer so I’ll move on.
Anyway, Sarah makes an underhanded comment about Bristol’s idiot baby-daddy Levi and gives a smarmy smile. She kind of sucks at shooting but manages to hit a few. Of course, Iron Man Todd is a superstar at it. Bristol sucks more than she does and doesn’t really seem into it but is being pushed by her “mama grizzly” to not give up. Bristol, in turn, tells her mom to take her prom hair back home. Zing!
The next day, the family leaves for a fishing trip in Homer - Halibut capitol of the world - she says that like it‘s the friggin‘ home of the Eiffel Tower. They drive there down-to-earth RV 263 miles to Homer where she makes a dumb “Just for the Halibut” joke.
Once in Homer they walk down to the boat. Sarah says hi to everyone she passes like she‘s still a pageant queen. Some seem impressed - others don’t respond. And one wants a picture of himself with a Palin - she goes to strike her best pose until the yokal says it’s Todd he wants a photo with. Apparently, Mr. America is a 4 time Iron Dog champ - which she says means he won a race where he had to travel 2000 miles across Alaska on a snow machine. Snow machine? WTF is a snow machine? I assume it’s a snowmobile so that’s cool. Good for him.
They check out the boat and meet the captain and are to come back the following day to kill a shitload of Halibut with him. The couple visits a fisherman memorial which is nice and compassionate and empathetic, but she still lacks any humanness there. It’s just the same smile plastered on the same face with the same voice inflection.
They head back to the RV and have a family BBQ - she takes another chance to passive aggressively bash Levi telling Bristol that the lesson of the day for her is that there’s lots of fish in the sea. (And you just know she means good bible-believing Christian fish, not dirty douchebag fish who lie and try to make her look stupid).
Back from commercial and there’s a viewer discretion all of sudden…Oh oh! Sarah and Bristol leave for a mother/daughter day and the massacre begins. (BTW - is her horny daughter Bristol her fave or what? She’s the one who always gets to go on these trips!)
After pulling up a gnarly looking starfish they start getting some halibut and they both take turns smacking the Hell out of these poor fish. They get their whack on for a while and there‘s blood everyone - the poor fish are still alive - Sarah is proud of Bristol for her whacking ability - it’s all fairly disgusting. At one point they both hold a still beating heart in their hands.
The next morning Sexy Sarah goes kayaking with Todd and says some dumb shit like that they’re in good hands because the dude taking them looks like Jesus. There’s a random lesson on a passing sea lion from Jesus and they race back to shore because Sarah’s got more mother/daughter bonding to do.
Now we find our dainty ladies at a processing plant ready to work the line. After a couple of minutes of disgusting processing on the “slime line” they head to the hopper/guillotine section to chop some muthaf^&*ing heads off! Assassin’s Creed style!!!
They take some of the fish back to camp and do some clam digging with Piper on the beach while Bristol and Willow (what’s with these names?) stay behind to do bong hits or take care of Levi Jr. or something.
12000 lbs of fish died that day. The mother/daughter day massacre of 2010 will never be forgotten. PETA and those bastard liberals will make sure of that.
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